Gemma bristled at the sound of Richard’s name as Bain continued.
“He knew I was distracted, so he came to the school, and that was when he found me watching her. I was waiting to see if Cade showed up. My father didn’t know who she was at the time, and assuming she was my distraction, he was going to hurt her to make a point. Instead, I acted desperate for his approval, and I said I’d kill her so he knew my loyalty was to him and that I wasn’t distracted like he thought. I cut her wrists, knowing I missed the radial artery, but he was too hungry to see blood to even realize.”
My throat tightened, and my breathing had picked up. I pictured myself getting up and plowing my small fist into Bain’s face or, at the very least, shoving him and yelling at him for putting me through such a trauma, but instead, I remained on Cade’s lap, feeling confused over the fact that my understanding outweighed my anger.
Cade placed a tiny kiss to the side of my neck before asking, “So you’re the one who sent me the threats, yeah?”
“I needed her to be far away from my father, and considering the fact that you all were involved in the illicit gun business, I knew that he’d stumble upon her eventually, and I couldn’t risk it.”
Bain glanced at me. “You look just like Mom.”
I was in a chokehold, hardly able to breathe correctly with everything he was admitting. The more it was explained to me, the more I wished I would have kept my past a secret. I was still an orphan, only now, I knew the story behind it, and it was worse than I ever could have imagined. Sister Mary’s face popped into my head, and fear kept my mouth closed. I was too afraid to ask if Bain knew where she was, not sure if my heart could handle anything else.
“So…” Gemma stood up and began pacing back and forth between us and Bain, just like her father was doing moments ago as he fumed over our whereabouts. “Let me get this straight.You and Journey”—she pointed to him and then me—“are half-brother and sister. You guys have the same mom but different dads. According to what Cade had told us a little while ago, your mother cheated on your father, and in his rage, he sold Journey as a baby to Slave to get back at her.”
Bain nodded. “But my mom had told him Journey died at birth, which obviously wasn’t true, but it made my father even more angry.” He paused, looking away. “He ended up raping her shortly after Journey was born, because of course, she wanted nothing to do with him after everything. That was how she ended up pregnant with me.” Bain finally looked at me. “We’re only ten months apart. She faked your death and dropped you on Sister Mary’s front stoop a day after you were born.”
I sat up a little taller, knowing I had to get the worst of this over with. My voice was wobbly, and my stomach hurt. “Is…” I cleared my throat, already knowing the answer to the question. “Is Sister Mary…” Shit. I hurriedly rushed the rest of the sentence out.“Is she dead?”
His long pause told me what I needed to know, and my heart slammed to the floor, stealing a gasp from my core. “Yes.” Silence filled the room, and it was so loud I wanted to cover my ears. Tears swarmed me, and I was drowning. My lips smashed together, and my chest was tight as I refused the oxygen. “I knew she was dead the moment the police showed up and said they had found blood. That’s when I knew my father had learned of you.”
I clasped my hands and put them up to my forehead, finally giving in to the screaming in my lungs. She’s dead because of me.
“No.” The stern voice made the hair on my arms stand up. Bain’s voice was closer now, but I refused to look at anyone. Cade’s arms tightened around me as I began to shake. “Sister Mary knew what she had signed up for. She knew the consequences, Journey.”
“It’s still my fault!” I yelled, breaking free of Cade’s comforting hold. I took Gemma’s spot in the middle of the living room and stomped back and forth, feeling my blood heat up with too many emotions piling on top. “She’s dead because of me, and although your dad was a fucking psycho, he’s dead because of me too! I shot him! And what happened to our mom? Did I somehow kill her, too?!”
My hands covered my eyes, and I gasped, feeling confused and embarrassed all together. I felt Cade before his arms corralled me, and that was when a broken sob tore out of my chest. Why is this happening?
“This is not your fault. Stop. Please stop.” It still hurts. Sister Mary is gone. Did she die in pain?
My sentences came out in rasps. “I want them to take it all back. I don’t want to know any more. I don’t care. I just…” I inhaled the stiff air in the living room, coughing through a cry. “I just want it to be done. I just want to go to the roof of this school and lie with you under the stars like we did last year before any of this happened.”
Cade turned me around and placed his strong hands on the side of my face, furiously wiping my tears. I realized the room was empty now except for me, Cade, and Bain.
“We will lie under the fucking stars every single night, if that’s what will make you stop hurting.” The agony within Cade’s features mirrored mine. The desperation to make me stop feeling this way was palpable, and I nodded desperately before placing my forehead against his lips.
“It’s just going to take time,” Bain said quietly. “And no, you didn’t kill our mom. That fucking psycho you shot killed her. Every single day since the moment he sold you, he slowly killed her. You were just a casualty trapped in between a heartless man and a desperate woman.”
I peeked over Cade’s shoulders and locked onto my half-brother’s saddened eyes. All of a sudden, there was a burning connection with him that I had never felt before. We now shared the same pain, and it coursed around the room like a whip.
“I’m sorry that this is how it played out,” he whispered. “You were never supposed to be a part of this world.”
Shutting my eyes, I pressed my forehead back onto Cade’s lips and submerged myself in the safety I felt with him, knowing that whatever came next, I didn’t have to do it alone. Cade pulled back, and I wasn’t sure if Bain was still in the room or not, but Cade’s soothing voice locked all my emotions into place. “Don’t worry, Journ. You have me, okay? You had me even when you didn’t know it.”
I nodded and clung onto him even harder.