My mouth opened, but then I shut it. There were muffled sounds around me, and I slowly looked over at Cade who was staring at me leerily, his brown eyes landscaping over every inch of my face.
He mouthed my name, “Journey,” and when his hands wrapped around my face, that was when it all came whooshing back to me. “Breathe.”
I gulped in air, realizing I had been holding my breath to the point that dots were dancing around his face. That was something I’d adopted from my childhood when I would feel the walls of the orphanage caving in on me. Every time someone passed me up and didn’t adopt me, I would hold my breath until I remembered that I needed air to breathe. Cade’s hands dropped after I gulped oxygen and turned away, blinking rapidly as I glanced back down to the papers scattered everywhere.
“Wh–what…why? Who?” Was I punished for being with him? Was that why I was attacked? No wonder he looked so guilty.
I heard his rough gulp, as if he had swallowed the icicles hanging from the school’s roof. The sound of his popping knuckles made me even more nervous than before. “I don’t know.” He sighed. “This is why I didn’t show that night.” Cade leaned forward, his knee brushing mine, which we both noticed. I quickly looked down at the paper he was pulling out of his back pocket. It was folded up neatly, and when he opened it, it was as if it had been opened a million times. Each crease was cemented in the paper, and once it landed in my shaky hands, I put my palm to my mouth.
Her death will be on your hands.
My gaze shifted to his,and my throat closed. His warm eyes had glossed over right before he turned away, leaning his head back on the books. “That was the last threat I got. I found it right before I was supposed to meet you.”
Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. That was all I felt. There was a knock in my chest, and I felt every bump as my heart slid down to the floor. “That’s why you didn’t come?”
“Yes,” he gritted out. “But–”
“But I still ended up almost dead.” Chills coated me from head to toe, a cold whip stunning me instantly. What the hell does this mean? “And you don’t know who these were from or where they came from?” There was a sudden pause in my hatred for him, and the feelings of betrayal were slowly disappearing. The protective urge to punch down the feelings I had for him remained unmoving. Things were becoming real—fast.
His head sliced over to mine, the truth burning like a fire over his features. “Do you think they’d still be alive if I knew who had hurt you?” He turned away slowly, staring at the shelf in front of him, as if he didn’t just proclaim that he’d murder someone. “Isaiah and I searched the school, but…” He shrugged. “No one knew you’d be out there that night from what I was aware of, and even so, the paramedics said they were self-inflicted wounds, Journey. I… I…” His teeth ground together, and his hands flexed over his lap. My belly tugged, and I wanted to reach out and grab his hand, but I didn’t. Instead, I stayed still as he finished. “I left you alone, like the fucking threat said to do. I didn’t understand, and since you’d left, and we were told that you would be staying with a foster family, I assumed that was for the better. Being near me wasn’t doing you any justice.”
It was a mess inside my head. We sat in silence, and I replayed his words over and over again until they blended together and grew messier and muddled. Uncertainty and even more confusion filled me, and there was nothing to be said. Nothing came out of my mouth because I was in a complete daze.
So, he didn’t abandon you for any of the reasons you thought. But I still didn’t understand. Who tried to kill me? And why?
Emotion and the smallest sliver of relief came creeping in, and when I heard Sloane’s voice from the end of the aisle, I quickly hopped to my feet and put distance between Cade and me.
Her hands were on her waist, and her hair was pulled into a top knot on the top of her head. “I swear to God, Journey… I know that you and Tobias have some bond, but he is the biggest fucking jerk I have ever met.” She peered around my body. “And that’s saying something, because I know the Rebels.”
I heard Cade mumble something behind my back, but I didn’t stop to find out what he’d said. I rushed toward Sloane like she was my life raft in the middle of a hurricane, and I left Cade and the many threats of my life with him.
“Let’s go,” I said, snagging her by the wrist. The entire way to our dorm rooms, she went on and on about Tobias and how much she hated him, but all I could do was nod and act like I understood.
But the real reason I couldn’t speak was because I was still stuck in that library with a boy who didn’t deserve most of the hate I was giving him.