Chapter Ten
Mazey
A pretty glowcame through the window when my eyes began to flutter open. It wasn’t bright enough to hurt my eyes, but bright enough to know that I wasn’t in my room. It only took me .2 seconds for the memories of my night to come at me in crashing, thundering waves. Cole. Oh, shit. My cheeks flamed at the things I had said to him and the things that we did.
I wasn’t a saint. I’d had sex, and I’d worked through the emotions of what had happened to me my senior year with the help of my cat-loving therapist, but I truly lost myself in Cole last night. What did that mean? Better yet, what did Cole think of me now? What was he thinking?
“Good morning.” His morning voice was scratchy and all things man, which caused my belly to bottom out. I slowly peeked at him lying entirely too close to me. His chestnut hair laid over his forehead as he rested the side of his cheek on his hand nonchalantly. He was shirtless, and probably still naked. Oh my God. I was naked!
I restrained the urge to pull the covers up higher and kept the shock to a minimum on my face. It wasn’t like I had been drunk last night—at least, not on alcohol. So, I remembered everything very clearly. I cleared my throat. “Um, hi.”
“Did you sleep good?”
Are we pretending that we aren’t naked in his bed right now and that we didn’t fuck like savages last night?
I rolled my lips together and stared at the ceiling. “Mmhm.”
Silence stretched around us, and it was like a rope being pulled too tight. Pressure. There was pressure in my chest, and things wanted to climb out that I wasn’t ready to say yet.
His voice startled me, and I jumped. “Why won’t you look at me?”
My fingers played with the blanket edge as I did finally pull it up higher. “I…I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” He paused and shifted a little on the bed. Did he just get closer to me? “Ah. You’re regretting last night.”
My brows dipped. “No.”
“No?”
I swallowed and finally allowed myself to glance over at him. His vibrant eyes were bright and alive with the morning sun cascading through the window behind him. The shadows dipped over his strong muscles and every plane of his chest. He was a man now, strong and sturdy and more defined than I’d ever seen. “I don’t regret it. But…” I shut my eyes so I couldn’t see his face. “I know you have questions.”
“And you can give me the answers when you’re ready.”
I opened my eyes and landed on the truth inside his. “It’s not that I’m not ready. I just don’t know if you’re ready. Last night…”
“I know.” He flopped onto his back and ran a feeble hand down the scruff on his cheek. “I’ve spent two years controlling my actions, and my anger, and all it took was for you to come into my sight again for me to lose my grip.” His head turned to mine in a sharp movement, and I stilled my breathing. “I’m sorry, Mazey. It’s just… Two years is a long time to have regret, and the first chance I got to save you…I jumped on it.”
“I don’t need saving, Cole. I’m not here to be saved.” I flopped onto my back, too, our hands brushing as mine came down beside his. “I’m not even here for revenge.”
“You’re not here for me, and you’re not here for revenge. Then, what are you here for?”
I inhaled a huge gulp of breath before letting it out. “I’m here to make sure Ryan isn’t continuing with his little games.”
Cole’s body heat kicked up a notch, and the covers moved as his breathing sky-rocketed. “So, he’s the one who did it? You remember?”
I shook my head, and I could tell that Cole was looking at me. My eyes shut as vulnerability reared its fragile head. “I didn’t remember anything at first. I just knew something had happened. I mean…” I swallowed and fought through the overbearing silence that seemed to grow heavier with Cole listening. “You were there. I’m sure you remember how confused I was that morning. And sick. I vomited in Kate’s car on the way home.
I didn’t allow myself to think about that night until everything with you and your parents went down. My parents took one look at me and rushed me to the hospital. They confirmed that I’d been sexually assaulted and that I had GHB…the date-rape drug…in my system.”
“And that was when everyone assumed it was me.”
I turned toward him, and the anguish I saw hurt. My hand gripped his. “Not me, Cole. I knew you didn’t do it.”
A sarcastic laugh left his lips. “But I could have stopped it.”
I gripped his hand harder. “Nothing was your fault. Stop thinking that, or it’ll make me feel worse.”
He said nothing, but he gave me a slight tip of his chin. The muscles along his temples knocked back and forth, but I turned my gaze away, digging into my own thoughts. “Anyway, after everything calmed down and we moved, I started therapy and had to relive that night until I could make sense of what had happened.” My stomach felt uneasy as I continued on with my revelations. I hadn’t told the whole story to anyone in so long, and the fact that it was Cole, and that Ryan was somewhere in this house, made my skin prickle.