I shouldn’t have liked the way any of those words sounded. I really, really shouldn’t have.
“I’d say…particular.”
I snorted. “Oh, really? Particular about what, pray tell?”
“Well, how about the men introduced to my—er—little one over there.”
A quick glance at Sofia informed us both she was still happily oblivious to our conversation, tossing breadcrumbs into the water like fairy dust.
“Yeah, I don’t think so,” I said. “Using Sofia as a way to control who I see isn’t going to fly, buddy. I could have a date this weekend if I wanted to, and you couldn’t say anything about it.”
His head whipped around like it was attached to a pair of reins. “A date?”
I shrugged. “Why not? You remember Adam. He likes me.”
I didn’t mention the fact that I had absolutely no interest in Adam or the many other times he had asked me out. I was tired of being made to feel that someone like me didn’t deserve anyone else’s love and affection. My sisters wanted me to get laid, but the rest of my family wanted me to settle, mostly for Sofia’s sake. There was no in between. There was nothing that was just for me.
“Do you have a problem with that?” I asked Xavier.
His blue eyes narrowed in an expression that was harrowingly similar to Sofia’s when I turned off her favorite show in the mornings. “Not at all.” Each word was delivered through a nearly closed mouth.
“Delighted to hear it. Now try again. What was the real problem with Derek showing up?”
I didn’t know why I was pushing this so hard. Maybe it was because I wanted to hear that I wasn’t alone in this irritating push and pull. Maybe I wanted to hear him admit that I affected him too. Then we could at least manage it together, couldn’t we?
Xavier just sighed. “Does it really matter? He wasn’t any good in the long run. No big loss for you.”
I frowned. “How could you possibly know that? Derek is a perfectly nice guy.”
“You said you were with him for a month. He’s obviously an upstanding fellow, likes Sof, friends with your brother. If he was even a half-decent shag, you’d not only be with him, but you’d also have a perfectly tiny diamond on that finger by now, wouldn’t you?”
My jaw dropped. “You,” I said as evenly as my shaking voice could handle, “are an asshole.”
“True. But I’m also right,” he said with satisfaction that I wanted to slap off his face. “Unless I’m missing something, of course.”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but you definitely are,” I sputtered. “Particularly since Derek and I didn’t actually get that far.”
I had no idea why I’d just told him that. I wasn’t exactly a prude, but the idea that sex would be the deciding factor for marriage really irritated me. Or maybe it was just Xavier saying it that irritated me. I honestly couldn’t say.
All signs of joking disappeared from Xavier’s face. “You didn’t what?”
I frowned. “I’m not repeating myself.”
“I—you—well, you just proved my point, didn’t you? Of course you couldn’t marry him. You don’t even know if he’s good in bed, do you?”
“Oh my God, you brought up marrying him, not me!” I hissed, struggling now to keep my cool. “We didn’t do anything because I didn’t want to. Just like I haven’t wanted to do more than make out with anyone for about five freaking years now!”
I was speaking in relatively veiled terms, but my voice shot up several decibels, high enough to scare a nearby pigeon into flying away.
“Mama?” Sofia called from the water’s edge. “Are you okay?”
Slowly, my heartbeat returned to its normal rhythm. I had to keep it together for her.
“I’m fine, peanut,” I replied, though I couldn’t for the life of me keep my voice even. “Keep feeding the ducks.” Then I turned to Xavier. “You can forget I said that.”
“I don’t think so.” There was not one iota of humor in his voice.
I looked up. “I wish you would.”