“This is fabulous. I haven’t had anything this nice in a while.” It made my heart hurt a little, but I had to remind myself he’d made his own choices. He was a grown man and capable of getting himself out of the situation if he needed to.
It was quiet as we all ate the perfect crepes, eggs Benedict, and home fries. It all tasted divine, but it was hard to enjoy it, knowing the questions I’d need to ask my father.
When my father cleared his plate, Atticus nodded for the waiter to bring him more, and I smiled at his notice. I watched as he looked embarrassed for about a millisecond, but then took it, trading the server. Atticus sat his fork down when he was done, and the staff quietly left. It was time to get to it.
I cleared my throat, feeling Atticus’ hand on my thigh for support. How I’d love to give him the reins here, but I knew I needed to do it. It was important. They were all here to support me through this, and that was what mattered. I could do this because of that.
“Dad, I’ve recently discovered Jaqueline’s schemes with Brian, and I just have to ask, did you know?”
His fork froze halfway to his mouth, and he turned, looking at me. He set it down, and I saw the sadness in his eyes. “No, well, not at first.”
It hurt, the tears wanting to return for a different reason this time, but I held them back, wanting to give him the chance to explain before I wrote him off.
“It’s not an excuse, but I’ve been on autopilot for the past fifteen years, give or take. Your mother, she’s not an easy woman to live with, not that I have to convince you of that. Somewhere around the time you became a teenager, I, um, I had an affair.” He dropped his eyes, and my heart sped up. I hadn’t expected him to say that. While I could understand how difficult my mother was, it hurt to hear him admit it, never expecting my father to do something like that, something that had been done to me.
“I hadn’t meant for it to happen, and honestly, it came out of nowhere. Of course, your mother discovered it, but she didn’t confront me about it. She waited, plotted. Do you remember how you wanted to quit that Jr. Pageant and go on the art trip instead?”
I nodded, still stunned.
“I wanted to let you go, and I told Jacqueline I would give you permission. She put her foot down, though, and brought up my indiscretion. She threatened to use it against me, ruining my name and taking you and everything from me. If I wanted my life to stay how it was, I had to back off and let her raise you as she saw fit. I never thought how selfish it was of me to agree to her demands, or the lengths of manipulation she’d go to with you. I’m sorry, Loren. I convinced myself you were happy, so it was okay. I got to keep my secret, and you flourished.”
“You were a coward,” Sax gritted out, and I looked over, smiling at him. He acknowledged the pain I couldn’t, his fierce protectiveness shining through.
My father flinched but didn’t deny it. His eyes brimmed at the edges with tears, his regret showing. I remember the trip and how things did seem to change after that. My mother became more overbearing, and my dad had checked out, letting her deal with me. I thought it was because I wasn’t good enough, his disinterest in me a sign, so I worked harder to make him proud, to be good enough for him.
Funny how it had all been a lie. All of it.
My mother used me to correct her mistakes, and my father hid his ignorance to cover his sins. They’d both been so busy perfecting their image, they’d neglected to see how miserable and lost I was. A few summers later, I met Brian, and my mother encouraged me to date him. My whole life had been orchestrated to fit their needs. While I’d always felt that way, to hear it blatantly laid out broke something in me.
“Who was she?” I asked. It felt like I was missing something still. Why had my father been so scared of my mother revealing his secret? Affairs were almost accessories in the suburbs.
His face paled, and I wondered if he’d tell me. If he couldn’t be honest with me, it would be the killing blow in our relationship.
“His name is Marcus.”
I blinked, not sure I heard him right. “As in Marcus West, your partner at the firm?”
He nodded, never dropping my eyes. As I tried to grapple with this new revelation, emotions swirled in me—compassion, respect, confusion.
“When did you find out about the trust?” I asked, deciding I needed all the information before determining where we stood.
“A few months ago. After the benefit, I confronted her on my suspicions.” My shoulders relaxed a little at that.
“And the eggs they stole from me?”
My father reared back like I’d slapped him. “What?” Genuine shock covered his face as his eyebrows rose, his mouth opening. He leaned forward, his hand lifting to touch mine, but stopped, dropping it to his lap. “Loren, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I promise. What did she do?”
It was what I needed to hear, my shoulders dropping the rest of the way, and I shared with my father the things my mother had been up to in the past with Brian and how things had escalated in the past few months. He nodded, rubbing my hand now.
“That tracks. A few years ago, I got a notice from our accountant that there was a lot of money being moved around, so I asked him to look into it. That was the first time I realized how much Jacqueline had mismanaged things. I started separating our accounts, siphoning money into a separate one she couldn’t touch, and removing her from assets slowly. I put her on a restricted budget, stating there had been some bad investments, and we needed to be more mindful. Granted, she still had access to all of her cards and memberships. I’ve found out she started running up tabs, maxing out cards, and carrying debt from one place to the next, opening new accounts when she could. When she lost it all in the scandal, that was when I realized how bad things were. I’ve been trying to keep things afloat and thankful I’d separated myself when I had, but she’d still done some damage. Everything in our joint account is gone, and most of our possessions have been repossessed. It’s been such a shit show. I’ve been glad you haven’t been around for it. I see now that was short-sighted of me. Of course, Jacqueline would be using you for something. I’m sorry, honey.”
I squeezed his hand, but had no words to say. He wasn’t faultless, but he hadn’t been an active participant in her schemes either. I debated with myself if it was enough.
“Would you be willing to testify against Jacqueline and provide the documentation you have?” I asked.
My dad looked at me, focusing on my eyes. He knew what I was asking, so I kept my focus, not wavering. He looked around at the men at the table before landing back on me.
“I’m proud of the woman you’ve become. I can see you have people who care about you and not because of what you might give them. I wish I’d realized that sooner in my life. I’m sixty-two, and I don’t think I’ve been happy for more than a few days in my life. I think it’s time I quit hiding and live the life I want. It’s time Jaqueline pays for her crimes. I’ll do whatever it takes to help you, at whatever cost it is to me. It’s time I was as brave as you. Maybe then I can be the father you’ve always needed.”