LOREN
My heart thumped loudly in my ears as I sat on Sax’s lap. The past few hours felt like a car wreck as I swiveled from one emotion to the next. My body even felt like it had been hit by a truck, the pressing weight of the information slamming into me. When I would surface, and see the guys around me, my heart was full. I’d laugh, and feel giddy, to only be reminded that things weren’t okay.
When Christine revealed what she’d found, it felt like I was right back to that day when it felt like I’d lost everything. Atticus had soothed me through the phone, whispering to me to stay with him. I wasn’t certain, but it sounded like he sang me a song at one point. The language was all different, none of the words making sense, but the cadence and deepness of his voice made me wonder. I wish I’d been present enough to hear it, or even have recorded it. That would’ve been something I’d like to have witnessed, or have forever.
Sax’s hand rubbed my arm, the motion reminding me that they were all here, in my living room together. It was odd having all five of them here like this, but at the same time, it also felt right. These were the men who made me feel like a woman and that I could do anything. I was glad they hadn’t made me give any of them up. I wasn’t sure I could at this point, even if they tried to make me. They were welded to me now, in it for the long haul.
I listened to them talk, finding it interesting to hear what they chatted about amongst themselves. Their banter was cute, and I found myself smiling. Atticus noticed, his hand smoothing across my ankle to get my attention.
“Bellezza, are you ready to hear the truth?”
“The truth?” I asked, still feeling like I was floating.
He nodded; his dark eyes that always revealed nothing bore into me with intensity. Atticus was worried about me, and he was letting me see it. I sat up, moving off Sax’s lap, and sat wedged between the two men. Something about this moment told me I needed to hear it clearly, and as much as I enjoyed Sax’s touch, it was too easy to fall into. I didn’t want to dull the pain now, to only be smacked with it later when I was alone. No, this, I needed to hear with no barriers.
Peering up, I stared back for a few seconds before nodding, assenting to Atticus’ news.
“I called the place that Christine found and confirmed that there is a storage locker for Brian Carter that was purchased three years ago on November 14th.”
I let the information sink in, the realization it was the day after Violet’s birth settling in. Nothing made sense, but I had a feeling it was about to.
“That was the day after Violet died,” I whispered, the memory of holding her as I cried alone in my hospital room rising up. Now that Wells mentioned it, where had Brian been? My mother was there, and it was one of the few times I’d ever witnessed real emotion on her face. She’d been devastated as much as I had. It was the one moment in the past three years that I held on to, reminding myself she cared.
But was it real? Had she cared about me or something else?
“From what I overheard,” he paused, taking my hand. The movement was so out of character that I savored it, linking my fingers with his. This was Atticus, the man who cared too much and was scared to show it. “You were told that due to the emergency delivery, there was scarring on your fallopian tubes causing you to be infertile. Is that correct?”
I nodded. I couldn’t look at anyone else, but I felt Sax’s hand on my back and Barkley at my feet, giving me the strength to hold his gaze.
“I’m assuming your mother or Brian told you this?” Dipping my head in acknowledgement, I sucked in a breath, waiting for the sucker punch that was indeed to come.
“They lied to you, Lore. The tests showed that when you were admitted, you tested positive for chlamydia, which was what led to the scarring and infertility.”
I reared back, shaking my head from side to side. “No, that’s not possible. Before Nicco, I’d only slept with Brian. How could I be pregnant and have an STI?”
He looked at me, not with pity, but with a ferocity that made me close my eyes at the intensity. Taking a few deep breaths, I calmed my heart and thought about what he was telling me. Atticus wasn’t lying to me; there was nothing to gain from it. But Brian…
I thought I’d dealt with the divorce and had moved on, but this… fuck.
He’d been cheating on me long before I lost the baby.
I didn’t know why that mattered, but shame I’d been carrying around for not being enough of a woman to give him a child, for being depressed when I lost my baby, and not fulfilling his needs as a wife, that shame dispersed into nothing. It felt almost magical as the pain and burden of those things, of never being enough for someone, lifted at the realization it hadn’t been me.
Brian was the one at fault there. Brian had been the one who hadn’t taken our vows seriously, breaking them and everything in our marriage. It wasn’t me who wasn’t enough. It was Brian.
Lifting my head, a force of determination rose up in place of the shame, and I squared my shoulders back, ready for the rest.
“Brian cheated on me. He gave me chlamydia.” I said it as a statement, not needing to question it.
A noise behind me had me wanting to turn, but I tuned it out, knowing I needed to stay with Atticus or I’d fall into the hole and never rise. Atticus was the raft I needed to cling to at this moment. His sturdy assurance, combined with his no-nonsense nature, was the stability I needed. I didn’t need someone to protect my feelings; for once, I just wanted the fucking truth, no matter how much it might hurt. And Atticus had never bowed away from saying something.
“Yes, Bellezza, it appears so. But… that’s not all.” He took a deep breath, his chest rising at the inhale as he slowly let it out. Something about that small action endeared me to the man he was. He would tell me how it was, but it wasn’t easy, it did cost him something, and I liked knowing that.
“I finally have all the pieces, and I’ll share with you how and why I believe your mother and ex-husband have been colluding together. Do with my exposition what you will, but I feel I’m close to the mark.”
“Okay.”
“Your mother, while she comes from a well-bred family line, it seems when she married your father, it was an arrangement. He needed the clout of a high-class marriage, and she needed the financial backing. Her family had gotten into trouble and were hemorrhaging their assets. A deal was brokered between the Woodfields and Hanovers.”