LOREN
Thoughts swirled in my head, and I couldn’t find one to land on. It had been two days since my date with Atticus, and I was still on edge from what he’d revealed from Cami being taken, the brotherhood code, and the spy he sent in to save her. I’d wanted to rage at him, but in the end, I hadn’t. I didn’t like his choice, but I knew my real anger was directed at someone else.
The door dinged, and I looked up from the little table I’d been sitting at for the past thirty minutes. Restless energy had me getting here early, hoping some coffee would help me relax. It had not. The battered sugar packets and torn napkins gave away my nerves as I stood.
“Hey.”
She smiled at me, but it wasn’t the usual one I’d come to know from her. The realization she might be struggling with this too had me softening, some of my anger receding.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes. “I wanted to tell you, but I knew you’d tell me not to do it, and I couldn’t just sit here and not try. Please understand, Lor.”
Sighing, I pulled her to me, wrapping her in a hug. Smoothing my hand up her back, I stuffed my anger down, realizing it wasn’t about me at this moment. My anger was coming from a place of fear and hurt, and she didn’t need to hear that. I could tell she’d already beaten herself up enough as it was. I’d be the friend she needed, the one she’d always been to me.
“Oh, Nat, I’m not mad. I mean, I was, but I’m not now. I don’t understand, but Atticus said it was your choice if you wanted to tell me. I know… you know.” I pulled back, raising my eyebrows, and she smiled, laughing as she wiped her tears.
“Okay, so it seems you have some stuff to spill, too.”
We sat down, and I pushed the coffee I’d gotten her across the table before I grabbed her hand, feeling like she needed the support. Over the next half hour, I filled her in on the fight, the benefit, and Atticus coming clean to me. I didn’t share anything about Dayton, not wanting to pull anyone else into my ethical dilemma.
Nat shared how she’d gone to Cami’s apartment, and neither Lark nor Seb had heard from Cami in a few days, saying she’d gone to stay with her sugar daddy. Nat could tell something wasn’t right, and had been officially worried. She’d called Atticus, hoping to set up a meeting to discuss looking for her. To Nat’s surprise, he’d invited her over immediately and wasn’t shocked when she admitted to fearing something had happened to Cami.
“When I mentioned I was worried, he just stared, assessing me.” I nodded, knowing exactly the look she was referring to. “When he leaned forward, I about shit my pants, thinking I’d overstepped. I know who they are,” she whispered, “but outside of Mason and Nicco, I avoided contact for the most part. Atticus had asked me to keep an eye on Climax, paying me double to ferry people, especially women, so they didn’t get themselves in bad situations. But other than that phone call, I hadn’t ever talked with the man before.”
Nat took a breath, sipping her coffee, and cleared her throat. Peering up, she watched me, gauging my expression. I didn’t know what she was looking for, but I held her eyes, attempting to convey acceptance and understanding. She sighed, taking one more sip before starting again.
“I haven’t told you much about my life. You know I live with my mom, have a little girl, drive on the side, and I’m in school to be a beautician. But you don’t know much about my life before Lily.”
Reaching over, I squeezed her hand, shaking my head. “Nothing you say will change how I feel about you, Nat. You’re my best friend, and I’m here for whatever you have going on. I’m not going anywhere.”
She sniffled, squeezing back. “You remember when you asked me where I’d been all your life because you could’ve used a friend like me?” I nodded, focused on her. “Well, truth be told, I could’ve used a friend like you more.” My heart warmed at the thought that she considered me such a good friend, but my intuition warned it wasn’t for a good reason, much like mine hadn’t. It was one of those times an innocent comment had more weight than intentionally intended.
“My life,” she chuckled, the sound watery, “it hasn’t been easy, but it was what I’d known for so long. I hadn’t thought life was different, you know? My family hails from a long line of petty criminals and con artists, and I was groomed to follow in their footsteps. I was taught how to pick a lock, lie with ease, and pickpocket like a pro from an early age. It was second nature to me, and I never questioned it. My father would have races, and we’d see who could lift something from strangers the fastest without getting caught. I’m not proud of it, but I was really good and often won, gaining praise and attention from my father. Things changed when I was twenty-one and I met Mason. I was visiting Chicago for my first solo heist. God, saying that out loud makes me want to shake myself.”
She shook her head, a self-deprecating laugh leaving her. Nat leaned back, her eyes going to the ceiling as she seemed to gather herself. When she returned forward, she gave me another watery look before taking a sip of her coffee. Wiping her eyes, she steeled herself, focusing on my mug.
“My father had hoped it would be the one to set us apart from the rest of the family, the haul that would put our name on the map. Instead, I met a boy, screwed up my job, and my whole world turned upside down. I hadn’t realized how sheltered I’d been, and while Mason wasn’t a law-abiding citizen, he gave me a home when I needed it. He taught me basic things and showed me stealing wasn’t the norm. Outside of Lily, the only good thing he ever did for me was that. He opened my eyes, and I knew I couldn’t go back. I changed my name, got a real job, and started a life I wanted to lead.”
“That’s a lot to deal with at that age, Nat. Why would you think I wouldn’t understand?”
She shrugged, her eyes going to the table. “Most people hear con-artist, or petty criminal and don’t really see value in believing that person. It wasn’t easy to change, and I struggled a lot. When I found out I was pregnant, it was the last push I needed to stop. I wanted to be better for her, to bring her up in a life different from my own. Mason was decent during that time, helping me to appointments and being attentive. But as things progressed, he withdrew more and more. I didn’t notice it at first, but once she was born, he was hardly there. And when he was, he was high or stoned. I was desperate one night, sleep-deprived, and so broke, there was barely any food left in the house. So, I did the one thing I said I wouldn’t… I called home.”
She sucked in a breath, the story difficult for her, and I squeezed her hand, reminding her I was there. Nat took a wobbly sip, but I watched her straighten her spine and look me in the eyes.
“My mother, she was overjoyed to hear from me. It turned out that my father was in debt. So when I hadn’t returned with the payout he’d expected, he’d been desperate, and tried to rob a store. He was shot and killed, and my sister had run away, not wanting to be connected to our family anymore. My mother begged me to let her come to Chicago, promising we could make an honest life together, and maybe one day, my sister would return. So, that’s what she did. I moved out of Mason’s, got my own place, and became committed to being the best mom I could be. My mother has been amazing, and we both work multiple jobs to provide for the life we want Lily to live outside of crime. But it’s hard, I won’t lie, I’ve been tempted at times to just take what I need to make it easier on me, but then I see her face, and I remember the vow I made to myself.”
“You’ve done an incredible job, Nat. I’m sorry it’s not been easy, but you’re so strong, and I love the person you are. You helped me when you didn’t have to, so I know you’ve done that for others as well. I’m so glad you made the choices you did to be here because I don’t know what my life would be like without you in it. I know I’d be lonelier, and I wouldn’t have you as a best friend.”
She smiled, reaching across to hug me as we both cried a little. “Lor, you have no idea the amazing woman you are, either. I’m glad we found one another, too.”
Pulling back, I grabbed her hand again, wanting to know how this connected to Cami. “And now, how did you end up being a spy for Atticus?” I whispered.
“When I talked with him about Cami, he told me the truth, how Darren Delgado had taken her and was using her to threaten him to do something. I could see his desperation, and I saw an opportunity. I hate myself for saying this, Loren, but the weight of doing it all on my own was just too much to bear anymore, and I hope you don’t think less of me. I’d gotten Lily’s tuition bill for next term that day and it has to be paid in May, or she loses her spot. I know she doesn’t have to go to a private school, but I wanted to give her the best chance with her bloodline being a crook and mobster. So, I made a proposal to Atticus.”
I nodded, Atticus having told me the conversation he had. “But he countered?”
She nodded, smiling. “Yeah, he did. He really is a good man, Lor.” She blew out a breath, her hair flying away a bit at the motion. “I knew I couldn’t sit by and do nothing with Cami in danger, and he offered to make a fund for Lily for her schooling. Not just this year, but all the way through college. He also set up an account to make up for all the support that Mason has missed. I won’t have to work two jobs anymore, and my mom can just work at the diner now as well. He promised to keep them safe while I was doing this so there wouldn't be any retaliation, and if anything did happen to me, he’d provide for them both. It was the salvation I needed, the risk worth it. I asked him not to tell you, hoping we’d get her back soon, but when Darren didn’t hold up his end of the bargain, I knew he wouldn’t keep my secret forever. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I was scared you’d hate me or look at me differently, and I couldn’t fathom it.”
“Oh, Nat. I could never. I think what you’re doing is really brave. It scares me, and I’d never have been able to do something like that, but I love that you can. I want Cami back too, and if this also gives you a better life, you were right to take it. I don’t begrudge you that, and I don’t believe it was taking the easy way out, either. I think in your attempt to do it differently than your own upbringing, you went to the extreme, not realizing that it’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re conning people. I hope you can see that there are true friendships and family.”