I’d once vowed to always protect him, but I couldn’t save him from himself. This was a battle he’d have to wage on his own. And if it came down to it, I wasn’t sure I’d pick him anymore. Loren was changing me, taking my hardness and breathing life into me. She reminded me of the little boy who hadn’t realized he’d killed a man to protect his mother from being raped.
It might sound weird to have your girlfriend remind you of your first kill. But it was influential in the sense that my spitfire gave me hope that I could choose a different path for me than the one I’d been set on. My mother had sold me to Dayton Mascro in exchange for making the murder go away, in hopes of giving me a better future. I wanted to believe she hadn’t known the dangers that awaited me or the choices I’d have to make over the years in a pursuit to keep my promise, making myself valuable to them.
Because despite all the bloodshed, corruption, and danger, I had made myself a family. The darkness I’d unleashed that night in pursuit of something good had found an outlet as well, allowing me to flourish, sealing my fate. But for the first time, I wondered if perhaps I could be more than the muscle, have more purpose in my life.
Atticus didn’t like Loren being around because it made him question his stance, worried he’d have to see her as an equal, able to withstand his world and thus making him vulnerable.
The thing he was missing, the question he should be asking instead… Would I be there when it all settled?
For the first time since I was nine, I was beginning to see a future outside the family, which should terrify Atticus.
Loren was more than his equal. She was the wild card he hadn’t planned for.