Despite being ghosted by the PI over the weekend and not gaining any traction on the whereabouts of Barkley, I’d surprisingly still been able to have fun. It was enlightening in a way. From the moment I’d learned about my dog, it had been all I could focus on, needing to discover the truth. I’d gone a bit obsessive over it, and the distractions had been precisely what I needed. I felt more hopeful now with Atticus looking into it, and I knew he’d find something. Yesterday had gone well, and I’d enjoyed myself around them all.
My time with Atticus had been interesting, and I’d begun to see some of the seductive man behind the suit I’d encountered in my first meeting. Perhaps it was because now that he wasn’t attached to my client, I felt more freedom to explore my attraction. Whatever the case, I’d started to see him as a person, and I found him fascinating. However, it presented a whole slew of new problems. I still hadn’t been able to acknowledge he’d been the mysterious stranger. Only so many mind-bending things could be processed at once.
Training with Wells had been better than ever. Our typical abrasiveness toward one another had evaporated, leaving a budding friendship to emerge. He was still surly at times, but it was more in jest and no longer carried the hatred I used to feel from him. And, of course, Sax. The embarrassing moment with him and Atticus still made my face redden, but everything else had been bliss.
Today would be the first day since Friday I hadn’t seen him, and I found myself longing for him in a way I hadn’t been prepared for. It was official, my heart had gotten attached, and now, I worried I wouldn’t be able to handle everything that would follow. In theory, casually having sex seemed like an easy plan, but maybe I wasn’t that type of person. Sex meant something to me, even when just physical. It was like a part of me latched onto them. I wasn’t sure if that was healthy or an attachment issue. Therapist problems—when you psychoanalyze all of your choices.
The best part had been seeing Jude laugh with Fort. He and Immy had played with Fort for so long, and I wasn’t sure who was more tired when we left. We made plans for the rest of the week, giving both Jude and me some solace that they wouldn’t disappear again. He’d been smiling more ever since, and I think spending time with Immy would be good for him. I didn’t want to admit that he also appeared to enjoy the guys’ company as well.
It seemed like things with him and Immy were good, and I cringed when I thought about having to have ‘the talk’ with him soon. When I thought of how he would take all the uncomfortable topics, it made me laugh at his discomfort, making my own not seem as bad. It was necessary, though, and I advocated for mental health and sex-positive topics with teens. Informing them of safe practices and helping them understand the consequences had a far more reaching impact than telling them not to do something.
Monroe had been busy on Sunday, but had texted things were looking up. He expected things to move forward in his favor finally. He wanted to come over for dinner tonight, so I was looking forward to it. I hadn’t seen Nicco at Atticus’, but I shouldn’t have been surprised since I knew he didn’t live there. Nicco had also sent a message saying he was thinking about me and hoped we could get together soon.
He was trying, showing me he cared, which I needed. It was hard to trust my emotions though, because I wanted to dive all in with Nicco. But I needed to be more cautious with my heart this time. I could admit I wanted to get there again with him, but I knew it couldn’t only be about getting naked together. No matter how much my hormones screamed at me, I would have to keep my horniness at bay.
Besides, between sex with Sax, raising a teenager, work, and training, it wasn’t like I had much time. The thought re-emerged of having to choose soon, plaguing me again, but I pushed it aside, wanting to hide in my delusion for a while. Even if I knew sex was beginning to mean something to me, I was enjoying it too much to stop. I felt I owed it to myself to try as many dicks as I wanted anyway, even if that meant I was ‘whoring around’. My mother and Brian could sniff some carbon monoxide for all I cared. It was my vagina, and if I wanted to ride as many men on the dick train as I could until I puked, I would.
Doris poked her head into my office, breaking me from my thoughts on dicks, geez. “Loren, your client’s here.”
“Thanks, I’ll be right up.”
Nodding, she walked off as I focused back on the note I’d been staring at for the past five minutes. Glancing over it, I reviewed it quickly before submitting. Having more going on in my life had me daydreaming all over the place. I needed to rein it in and focus on my clients while I was at work. When I looked at who was my next one, a pit formed in my stomach. I’d come to dread sessions with Dayton. He continued to evade my questions, offering no concrete information or disclosures. I was at the point where I needed to terminate and refer him, whether he liked it or not. It wasn’t benefiting either one of us if I felt this way about his sessions.
Shutting my door, I locked my belongings up and stuffed the key in my pocket. I didn’t often do it, but I’d started to for his sessions. Dayton appeared to fixate on me, searching for information about my personal life. I walked out of the last session to grab something I printed for him and found him hovering over my desk when I’d returned. When I’d questioned him, he brushed it off, stating he’d been looking for something he’d left. I remembered he had, so I pulled it out of my drawer and handed it to him. Despite having a valid reason, it still felt very off to me.
Walking through the lobby door, I assessed his appearance before he noticed me. As usual, it didn’t match his affect or energy. He was a tall man and had an air of dominance about him. I could tell he liked to control situations and was used to others doing what he said. But yet his demeanor continued to want you to believe otherwise. Today, he shuffled his feet as he sat in the chair, his hands clasped loosely in his lap as he stared at the floor. It was driving me insane that I couldn’t figure out his game.
“Dayton, are you ready?”
He poked his head up, nodding before standing, and shuffled through the door. I rolled my eyes when I turned my head. The overkill of his behavior was too much for me to bear today. Irritation bubbled to the surface, and I found myself needing to take a calming breath before I followed. This wasn’t good if I couldn’t control my own emotions. Our sessions would never be productive at this rate. Shutting the door, I took my seat.
“Mrs. Carter, how are you today?”
“I’m well, thank you for asking. How are you today, Dayton?”
“I’m, I’m good,” he stuttered, “thank you.”
Dayton began picking up things off the side tables as he usually did, turning them over and looking at them before placing them back down. He was acting more manic today, which was odd. Usually, he was controlled and would avoid eye contact. Today, he babbled to the point of stuttering.
“How’s your week been so far?”
“Oh, it’s been go-od.”
“Can you tell me what’s been good about it?”
He sat back, crossing his legs over his knee, and I felt something change within him. The behavior stopped, and he looked me directly in the eyes. “Well, I’ve acquired some new information about my son.”
“Oh? The one that you’ve been trying to get in touch with?”
“Yes, the very one.” He said it slowly, emphasizing words, and I wondered what his intention was behind the action. It clearly had a purpose, but to what extent.
“How did you come across this new information?”
Dayton watched me, assessing my question before he answered. “Let’s just say, I have a new friend.”
I wanted to roll my eyes again at how evasive he was, but I kept my face blank. “Making new friends is always a positive thing.”
“Yes, very positive.”