Being near Loren all night after months of wishing I could hold her, yet knowing I wouldn’t get to touch her how I wanted, was torture. It didn’t help that she looked radiant, causing me to physically hold my hands down each time she was near, so I didn’t reach out and grab her. It was a pain I would gladly bear, though, if it meant I got to be back in her life.
When Monroe had mentioned the wedding on our awkward elevator ride, I was shocked he’d willingly help me. I realized how nice of a guy he was and someone I wanted to become like.
Doubt had crept in for the tiniest second, making me want to walk away, to take the easier route. But I couldn’t do that again. My heart wouldn’t let me give her up so easily this time, no matter the reason. So instead, I vowed to emulate him and hoped my actions showed a more mature version of myself. The only way I would walk away this time was if she sent me.
Sax and I still hadn’t talked about our feelings or what it meant for us. But when he uncovered my plan, he insisted on joining me. I hadn’t realized their relationship had escalated. It had almost made me want to give up, too. Instead, I thought of it as the slap in the face I needed. If I wanted the reward of having Loren in my life, then I needed to quit giving in, wanting to escape with the easy route, and accept the risk.
Hell, I was supposed to be fighting for her!
And for once… I wanted to. So, I needed to show her.
There wouldn’t be any more backing down or attempting to walk away if things got difficult. Because life without her was worse. It was as simple as that, and I needed to show her I was serious and someone she could depend on.
“You should ask her to dance when she gets back,” Immy whispered to me, giving me a soft smile.
She knew I had feelings for Loren and how hard the past few months had been with our forced isolation. Immy had high hopes that things could be fixed easily with an apology. Her naivety was something I loved about her, her belief that things could be fixed if you wanted it bad enough. With all the things that had occurred in her life, I was glad she could still view the world with such hope and openness, even if it meant it wasn’t that simple for me.
Seeing her tonight, it was the happiest I’ve seen her in a long time, and it made me proud. I was beginning to see parts of the old Immy emerge, transforming into something new with a layer of strength she hadn’t possessed before. It confirmed how much she’d grown and the woman she was growing into.
Mostly, it reminded me I couldn’t underestimate people, including myself.
I was beginning to realize I’d relied on Atticus to make decisions for me for so long, I’d forgotten I could make them on my own. Even my plan to leave the family to teach hadn’t been entirely mine. I hadn’t officially done anything with it because I held on to the fact I wouldn’t be able to leave, the fear holding me back. Even in my rebellion, I hadn’t made a decision. I thought I’d been thinking for myself, but I’d covered it up, pushing off the blame, and allowing myself to be controlled under the lie. It was just the way it was.
I didn’t want to only be a pawn in someone else’s game plan; I wanted to drive my future, and that started with figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. And perhaps more importantly, who I wanted to be at the end of the day.
What Atticus had told me about the family and Loren being targeted did change things for me. A future I hadn’t envisioned flashed before my eyes, and she was at the center of it. I just had to figure out how to make it happen now.
“Maybe.” I shrugged, not making eye contact with her. “We’ll see how she is when she gets here.” Immy shook her head, knowing I was making excuses, but it was all I had at the moment.
“She’ll forgive you, Nic.”
I nodded, hoping to appear like I was listening as I scanned the room. I found her mom watching us, casting dirty looks at our table all night. I had a feeling she was up to something. Jacqueline hadn’t taken her eyes off us. Sax had pointed her out when we got here, waving as she walked by. The way she’d blanched at his appearance was comical, but I didn’t miss the once-over she did of me, disgust lingering in her eyes as she tossed her hair, dismissing us. It was only a matter of time now before she came over, making her move. I hoped she left Loren out of it for once, but it wasn’t likely, based on what I knew.
“Anybody want more cake?” Jude asked.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll go with you.” Immy turned to me, a question on her face. “Is that okay, Nicco?”
“Yeah, yeah, just hurry back,” I responded, distracted. I turned and watched as they walked off, all shy smiles as they regarded one another. Immy was happy, and it was good to see them reunited. It made me want to believe in first love. They made it seem so hopeful, and it was nice to see Immy still believed in it after everything she’d been through.
Glancing back around, my constant need to survey the room for threats overrode me, so I wasn’t surprised when she struck. Her staying away up until now had been too good to be true. I knew it had. In a way, though, I was thankful she waited until they were gone to descend upon me.
“I don’t know what you’re doing here with my daughter, but you won’t be getting anything from her.” Her voice was smug. Her nose turned up as she delivered her threat. Jacqueline was practically vibrating with anger as she stood at the end of the table, waiting for me to make a scene. When I stared at her, not giving in to what she wanted, her face became redder.
“You seem to be mistaken, lady. The only thing I want from your daughter is to be in her life.”
“Well, you won’t be getting any of that either,” she huffed, crossing her arms. Rolling my eyes, I sat up from the leaned back position I’d been in and leveled her with disinterest. Jacqueline’s returning look told me everything she thought about me. Clearly, she knew more, based on the smug way she stood, her fists planted on her hips. The way she cast her eyes at me, scanning me from head to toe, let me know she thought I was worse than the gum on the bottom of her shoe, not that she would ever allow such a thing to occur. She attempted to degrade me with her words and demeanor, her power play to anyone she deemed lower than her.
It wasn’t the first time someone had made snap judgments based on my appearance, and quite frankly, she was nowhere near as scary as the people I dealt with regularly at fight nights. I didn’t care how she viewed me, but her actions spoke of how she thought of Loren, and that was something I wouldn’t let stand.
“Interesting. Last I heard, your daughter wanted nothing to do with you. So, I think it’d be best if you left before I decide to make a scene, embarrassing you in front of all of your peers that you try so hard to impress.”
Her face turned a shade of purple that couldn’t be healthy, and I wondered if I’d unintentionally killed her. It wouldn’t bother me, but killing the mother of the girl you wanted wasn’t a good look. Even if the mom of said girl was a bitch, it probably wasn’t good form.
I watched as she warred with herself to put me in my place or to maintain social manners. The neighboring eyes won out in the end, keeping her in check. Jacqueline smoothed down her dress, turned in a dramatic flair, then stopped a few feet away. She didn’t even deem me worthy of a full turn, as she glanced over her shoulder to deliver her scathing blow. The method of choice with women like her was to hit you when you thought you made it out safely. There was always something underhanded going on under the surface with women of her stature. They had too much free time and money, allowing them to stick their noses into situations they didn’t need to. I didn’t doubt she’d go away easily.
“Might want to reconsider your devotion to her considering she’s been slutting it up with the big tatted one.”
The sneer on her lip conveyed how she thought about Sax, and I laughed, her words not hitting the target she’d intended. Rolling my eyes, I didn’t care what else she had to share. She was attempting to stir up trouble, but she didn’t have all the information for once. The fact was, I did know she was with Sax, and when I thought about it, it didn’t bother me like she expected. The fact was, I was happy for them both, even if jealousy also raged within me. The overarching emotion, the one that stood out the most, was acceptance, because Loren needed to be loved.