“You don’t believe that for a fucking minute, Loren.”
She huffed, sticking her chin up. “Loren, is it? Well, I can believe whatever I want, especially when you don’t give me a reason to think otherwise. You know what? I am feeling quite angry with you now that I think about it. ”
“Oh? Why are you angry, Loren?”
Her nostrils flared, and I found myself leaning in closer to the screen to watch her, completely enchanted with everything that encompassed Loren. My own pulse raced, and I realized what I’d truly been missing all these months. It wasn’t just her body I craved, though I did want her, but her energy, her passion, and kindness were the balm to the damaged pieces in me. In Loren, I saw redemption and a purpose to be better. To not feel like the fuck up I hid away most days, constantly seeking the approval of others.
“Why am I angry?” she scoffed, throwing up her arms. Standing, she spun around; I assumed looking for the camera. “I’m angry because everyone left me! I’m angry because I was alone in that hospital room and I almost died. I’m angry because when I woke, it wasn’t to the men I’d been getting to know, but the asshole ex-husband who took so many things from me already. I’m angry because you made me doubt how I felt and who I was. I’m angry because you made me feel like I didn’t matter!”
She shouted the last part, and I realized she was crying, and I snapped. I was out of my chair and in her room within seconds, scooping her up off the floor and into my arms. She tried to fight me, hitting me with her fists, but once I had her cocooned in my grip, she fell into me. Sitting down on the couch, I sat back and attempted to soothe her as best I knew how. I didn’t usually stay around for this stage of comforting someone.
“I’m so sorry, Spitfire. That was never my intention. You can be angry all you want at me. I deserve it.”
I held her close, smoothing her hair as her body shook with emotion. I felt like the biggest ass in the world. Fuck! I’d screwed up. We’d all screwed up.
“I know this doesn’t matter now, but I thought it was better to let you go. I thought I was doing you a favor. I didn’t want to dirty up your life or make it too complicated. And honestly, I didn’t think you’d notice. We’d only shared a kiss. I thought you’d be okay.”
She lifted her head, her eyes shiny from tears, and looked me dead in the eyes. “It’s not up to you to decide what I can and can’t handle. And it might’ve been only a kiss, but we both know it wasn’t just a kiss.”
I nodded, accepting her answer. “I kind of like seeing this side of you, Spitfire. You’re right. It wasn’t fair to make that choice for you without your input. Everything happened so fast, I made it out of fear. The thought of failing another person was….” I shook my head, unable to say it, dropping my head down into her neck, breathing her in.
Her hand went to the back of my head, and she dug her nails into the short hair there. Fuck if it didn’t feel amazing. I loved that in her own pain, she was still trying to comfort me.
“I like it when you tell me things. I think this is the realest conversation we’ve had. Usually, you saunter in spouting off dirty things, and I go all gooey, forgetting everything else.”
“I make you gooey, do I?” I whispered into her neck, her skin soft against my lips.
“You make me more than that, and you know it.”
“I think you need to tell me more, Spitfire.”
Lifting my head, I took in her eyes. They were clear, with no inebriation in sight, and full of heat. “There are still a lot of things we probably need to discuss. I’m not discounting that. If I promise to tell you more later, can I show you what this room is all about? I really had intended on doing only that. Let me take your mind off things.”
She debated my words, looking at my face, before slowly nodding. “I was kind of intrigued about this place. Will you show me?”
“I’d love to, Loren.”
This time when I said her name, I felt her tremble, and I had to remind my dick to stay in my pants for now. “Usually, it’s over the speaker, so I can go back to the booth and watch from there. Or,” I paused, watching her closely, “I can do it from here in the room. Which would you prefer?”
Loren chewed her lip, and I didn’t know which one she would pick. “So, you’re not going to touch me?”
“No. Not with my hands, at least. I’m going to caress your body with my words, using all of your senses.”
This time there was no hesitation as she answered. “Stay.”
Her voice was breathy already, and I used all my might to stand and lay her on the couch. Thinking clearly for a second, I sent a text to security to turn off all the cameras in this room. We didn’t need to record any secrets here. Nor did I want to violate her privacy that way.
But really, I didn’t want any other man to watch her and get off on her sounds or body. I might not be able to have her just yet, maybe not at all, but it didn’t mean Spitfire wasn’t mine. I could accept sharing her with Atticus if he ever got his head out of his ass, and hell, even Nicco. The grumpy fighter and the good guy, I was still on the fence over, but those had been her choice, and I was done taking that away from her. I’d learn to deal with it if I had to, if this developed further.
But I fucking wouldn’t let anyone else touch her. Loren had just become mine. It didn’t matter if I never got to have her, she was mine, and I’d die to protect her, especially from myself.
So if this was the only night I got, I would take it and make it the best night.
“Lay back and get comfortable, Spitfire. Close your eyes, and let go. Don’t hold on to anything in your mind.”
I found the control panel in the room and hit the sound button creating a soft beat. Clipping on the microphone, I decided to use it anyway to utilize the acoustics and speaker placement. Next, I adjusted the aroma, making it more similar to my smell, and kept the temperature a little warm for now. I hadn’t done this before, but I’d helped create the concepts for the rooms and knew how they all worked on the primary level. There was a script to use in the booth, but I’d improvise if it meant staying with Loren.
“Before I get started, Spitfire, do you remember the word given to you?”