Sax and I sat across the street while we watched Marcus meet with Darren. I couldn’t decide if Delgado had become this cocky, meeting with his spy out in public so openly, or if he knew we were watching and either didn’t care or wanted us to know. None of the options were good, and I swallowed as I realized how unprepared I was for this war.
I would lose them all.
The ice that gripped my veins more and more as I faced the reality of not being enough slid through me, freezing me to the spot. Clenching my fists, I tried to shake it free, to have it let go of its grip on me. I couldn’t be weak. My father was an asshole, but he’d trained me better than this. So, what was I missing?
“Something stinks,” Sax commented, peering at the two being all chummy outside the new club Darren was opening. I nodded, worried if I opened my mouth, I’d give away my fear too easily.
We’d found the old supermarket easily after Simeon’s confession. Then a couple of reports came in about Delgado’s men poking around in the speakeasy. Our sources had uncovered Darren was set to open within a week with a spectacular opener. He’d rushed through all of his permits to beat our opening. I had someone in the city permit office going over his applications to find any loophole I could use to shut him down.
The things I’d set in motion had panned out as I expected, but I still felt behind Darren. I didn’t know what his endgame was. Did he just want to control all of Chicago? Was it only about power and money? Was Darren only trying to one up the Mascros?
Sax’s phone buzzed, and he checked it, a smile appearing on his face. Bitterness seared away the ice inside me as I watched him type back out of the corner of my eye. I’d gotten myself so twisted with Mrs. Carter I didn’t know which way was up anymore. To no avail of my own, she hadn’t left, and the others appeared insistent on her being in their lives no matter how much I attempted to thwart them. When I’d finally accepted that she wasn’t going away, it had been too late for me.
The look on her face as she dismissed me last week had left a gaping hole where my heart had been. Sax apparently agreed, looking over to me once he’d put his phone away. “It’s not like you to give up so easily, Mas.”
“I tried. She doesn’t see me that way and has plenty with you four. What is there left for me to do? It’s done. I’ll still protect her, but she’s your problem.”
“Your insistence that she's the problem is the problem. You need to get out of your head and boss up. Are you not the Don? The Mafioso boss? The Suit?” He raised his eyebrow at me, a look of clear annoyance that I was playing it so safe.
“So you’re saying I should quit playing nice and demand her to let me fuck her?”
Sighing, Sax hung his head and took a few breaths before he leveled me with his gaze. “No, Atticus. I’m saying quit pussyfooting around your feelings and own them. Tell her you’re sorry, and do something about it. Make fucking amends.”
“You don’t think I haven’t tried that?” I yelled.
“I think you did just enough to say you did, but you didn't put any real effort behind it. Spitfire… She's not a Michelle. She can’t be bought with money or flashy things. Those things don’t impress her. She grew up around wealth and can support herself. She doesn’t need you to save her.”
“Then what use am I?”
It came out softly, and I turned my head to the window, not wanting to show the fear that I had no purpose other than to be in charge. Sax placed his hand on my arm, the gesture surprising me. The realest expression I’d ever seen on his face stared back when I turned.
“You’re so much more than your father ever gave you credit for. You’re Atticus—my best friend, Ims’ brother. You’re the boss, but you’re also compassionate. You carry so much on your shoulders, wanting to shield that burden from everyone else. You’re smart, business savvy, and since you took over, the family has never been better, and you did that in only nine months. People are happier and no longer scared for their lives. You’ve made the Mascro line into the family you wanted, the one we dreamed of. You’ve successfully opened three businesses, one you rebranded, and are on your way to having the premier sporting event venue. You’re making the family clean and giving people a future, a real future.”
He stopped, his nostrils flaring as he gritted out the last part. “Don’t for one second think you have nothing to offer. It’s time you let Jaz, and the guilt that you couldn’t save her, go. Neither of us could in the end. More importantly… Loren isn’t Jaz. You might not need to save her as much as you think. Drop the bullshit and do whatever it takes. That’s the man I know as my best friend. The one who was willing to take out his father to save his sister. The one that is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for his best friend. But you don’t need to. Not this time.”
At the end of his words, he yanked open the car door, striding across the lot as he made his way to the car Marcus was heading to. I hadn’t even realized they were done, but Sax, in his observant nature, had not only handed my ass to me, but kept his eyes on our target. I watched as he incapacitated Marcus in one move and then threw him over his shoulder. I jerked out of my stupor and lurched the car forward to meet him.
Getting out, I helped Sax restrain the traitor and cover his head in the back. We both were back in the car, pulling out in under thirty seconds. This wasn’t something we’d had to do in a while, but with the possible breach, I didn’t want to leave it to anyone else. Decked in all black and in a borrowed vehicle, we made our way to the warehouse on the other side of town for a family meeting.
I’d called an unscheduled gathering to address the dissension I’d heard lately since Uncle Seth had ‘disappeared’. I needed to rally them together, squelch the grumblings, and remind them who I was. The boss. In an attempt to get ahead of Darren, I’d also reached out to Ethan Rawle. It was time to form an alliance despite my hesitation on the matter. Perhaps, it would even give me a better look at what their organization was up to and how far down they’d fallen in their business endeavours.
Sax’s words wormed their way through my head as I drove, focused on the feel of the steering wheel as I careened through the streets. It wasn’t my Bugatti, but the Camaro still handled well. It wasn’t as flashy either, fitting into the side of town we’d been on.
Sax didn’t say anything else the rest of the way. I wanted to believe it was because of the man in the back, but I wasn’t one hundred percent certain of the fact. Sax had a tendency to say his piece and then let you stew with it. He wouldn’t say anything else about it unless I brought it up. Swallowing my pride, I took a step forward.
“Thank you. I’m… struggling more than I’d like in my father’s absence. His shadow was large, and I wonder if I’ll ever escape it,” I whispered.
Sax turned, his face flat in work mode, assessing me. “There’s more than one way to escape the shadows, Mas. Sometimes, it’s as simple as turning on the light.”
I drove, stunned at his meaning. It was poetic, and I wondered if I’d underestimated my best friend my whole life.
“Did you make that up?”
A deep bass guffaw tumbled out of the man, and he turned, shaking his head as he smiled. “No, Immy made me watch those movies with her. The bearded guy said it, and I thought it sounded nice,” he said, shrugging.
“Admit, you only remember it because the man had a beard,” I jested.
“Beards instantly make you wiser,” he smirked, stroking his own beard.