"Hey," his kind voice rolled over me, easing away some of my hard edges the way he always had.
"Two nights in a row? This is a record. Especially when I hadn't seen you for six months."
My words came out more growly than I intended, and I saw the blush heat his cheeks. Fuck, I hadn't meant to embarrass him, but like usual, I was constantly fucking up relationships, especially the important ones.
"I just wanted to check on you, Wells. Is that a crime? And you know why we didn't talk for six months. That hasn't changed, but I'm not going to let you suffer just because you can't pull your head out of your ass."
Monroe's huff of outrage had my balls tightening, and I had to grit my jaw to not pull him toward me and kiss him into submission.
We'd fooled around with one another when we were teens living in a group home together. Limited access to girls, hormones, and sexual curiosity led to our relationship becoming more than just friends. Before he was married, we would hook up when we were both single. It had been casual and purely physical, or at least I had assumed it was. When he met Brittni, jealousy coursed through me like a roaring train, and I'd unconsciously pulled away over the years. One night, I couldn't take it anymore, and I reached out. It had been two years since I'd seen him at that point.
It was nice at first. I got to properly meet Levi and be part of Monroe's life again. We easily fell back into our friendship, and it felt like no time had passed. When things became more complicated for me at work, I snapped, unable to take the tension, and I kissed him. Which unfortunately had been the worst timing because Brittni walked in right as I did. I felt guilty when I found out she wanted a divorce, even though Monroe told me it'd been coming for a while. Yet, she used it as her reason for filing to avoid owning up to her own infidelity, which he'd already discovered. That kiss had set so many things on a collision course with no survivors.
Stepping back, I let him in. Needing some space between us, I walked over to the fridge and grabbed two beers. They were the cheap kind because I couldn't afford anything else, but they were still beer. Offering him one, he sighed at my silence but accepted it, clinking the heads together.
Retreating to the couch and TV, I silently sat as I stared at it, hoping he would drop whatever he'd come here to say. I couldn't confront my feelings, not tonight, not anytime soon. The one time I had, it had led to his divorce and my subsequent firing.
Bad things happened when I tried to be happy, and I wouldn't ruin his life anymore. I know the bitch was waiting for a chance to use his bisexuality as a weapon against him to either gain more child support or full custody of Levi. I wouldn't do that to him. I wouldn't be the grenade that blew up his life. If I had to suffer in silence, I would because it at least kept him in my life.
Embracing the silence, I'd become acquainted with, I prayed to whatever God would listen that we wouldn't have this conversation. Not tonight when I already felt as if my skin was inside out with how raw I felt. We sat there sipping our beers, neither of us watching the TV as a million words hung in the air between us. Once he finished, he set his bottle down on the end table, a look of purpose on his face when he turned to me, causing my stomach to drop.
"If you don't want to talk, fine. I just wanted to let you know I'm going on a date tomorrow. With Loren, the woman from this morning. I thought you should know. I thought… never mind. It doesn't matter. I just felt I should be honest. Hiding our feelings only ever leads to disaster."
Monroe stared at me for five minutes waiting for me to say something, do something. I know because I watched the clock above the TV the whole time, refusing to respond. How could I? The one girl I'd liked in forever and the one person who'd always accepted me were going on a date. It was perfect, they were perfect, and I wanted them to be happy. I could give them that. I could.
After those five minutes, he sighed heavily before getting up and walking to the door. Quietly, almost like a whisper on the wind, he uttered the words that would break me. "I love you, too," and walked out the door, closing it just as silently. The house felt emptier, the air stale as I continued to glare at the clock, cursing it for all the wrongs in my life. The dogs had even remained subdued, sensing the intensity.
The closing of his car door felt like a gunshot as it pierced my heart with the words that had landed there. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I let him walk away from me.
It was better this way. They would be happier without me. They would.
I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince anymore.