The oatmeal glooped back into the bowl as it fell off my spoon. I was trying to force myself to eat it, but my mind wasn't having it. The ticking of the clock sounded in the background as the silence enveloped me. Usually, I enjoyed it. Today, my mind was racing with thoughts, and I was beginning to feel out of control.
When I stopped the spinning and laid it out, it was no wonder. All the things that had changed in the past week were paralyzing compared to what I was used to. To be fair, changing my shampoo used to be a big event, so the three acts of indiscretion on my part momentarily felt insurmountable. I wanted to hate myself and berate my recklessness. I let a stranger finger fuck me in public, I went home with a guy I'd just met, and I kissed my kickboxing instructor!
Mr. Surly aside, the first two had been a mind-blowing experience of self-discovery and freedom. Owning my sexuality was awakening something in me that I'd kept hidden for so long. In a way, I was finally discovering who I was. Things with Mr. Surly, however, were a bit more complicated.
Convincing myself to be strong and kick some ass had fueled me through that session to listen to his orders and learn. I wanted to feel physically strong, hoping it would help me believe it internally too. Something must've translated since I'd been the one to kiss Mr. Surly. The tension between us snapped, and I wanted him. I didn't think, I just acted, and it'd been scorching… until it wasn't. I was still trying to figure out what happened and when it had shifted.
The beeping of my phone broke my Ferris wheel thoughts, and quite frankly, I was ready for the reprieve. I was starting to get motion sickness from my mind. It was a mystery I wouldn't solve today. The sound perplexed me; I wasn't used to getting many notifications. No one called me but my mother.
Mitzi:Loren, I thought you might be interested in this. *link*
Clicking on the link took me to the Ignite website and an article about Jude and others competing in a local competition today. It started around lunchtime at one of the high schools. I was headed to my closet to change out of my loungewear before I even realized it. Maybe doing something good would help rebalance my chi or whatever it was. Either way, being there for Jude would be a good thing.
It was Friday and I was off, and since my social calendar was mainly filled with Netflix and barre classes, I could easily attend this event. Working longer days at the beginning of the week to accommodate people's work schedules, my Fridays were free for me. Not that I ever used it for more than another day to do nothing and hide from the world—but today I was making plans!
Dressing simply in jeans, a soft navy sweater, and grey booties, I was ready to tackle high school. Bundling up in my coat and scarf, I walked out my door and was surprised to find 18D. He was walking down the hallway with a young boy in tow. The child had an overnight bag, and they were animatedly talking to one another about something. It was such an unusual sight that I ended up standing stock still in the hallway with my scarf wrapped halfway around my neck.
"Hey, Loren," 18D greeted me with a smile. I felt even more like an asshole now.
"Hey…" nope, nothing came to me. Fortunately, his smile only widened and let me off the hook.
"Monroe."
"Right, Monroe." I nodded. "Sorry, names take me a minute," stumbled out of me, my face flaming at my lie.
"Headed out?"
"Ah, yeah. I'm going to the Senior Fall Event at—"
"Pine Hill Day, perchance?"
"Yeah, actually." My brows scrunched up at his answer. "How did you know that?" Then I remembered seeing him at Ignite that day. Duh, he probably mentored someone.
"I'm guessing the same reason you are. I meant to talk to you after seeing you there that day, at Ignite. I didn't know you were volunteering or—"
Monroe was cut off by the little blonde haired, blue-eyed boy as he tugged on his coat. He looked down at the motion, a look of love covering his face, shifting something in me.
"Yeah, buddy?"
"Dad, we're going to be late," the little boy whined. "I don't want to miss out on the good cookies you promised."
"You're right, kiddo, I did. How about you drop your bag in your room, and I'll wait out here? Maybe I can convince Loren to ride with us?"
I was taken aback at the suggestion. I mean, it made sense, but I hadn't expected it. To be honest, I wasn't entirely sure how I felt being trapped in a car with a stranger, but I'd be lying if I didn't say there was part of me that was also a tiny bit intrigued. Monroe had a son.
Why that stood out to me, I didn't know. The boy smiled shyly as he walked by, heading into his dad's apartment, leaving us standing awkwardly in the hallway. He was practically a miniature replica of Monroe.
"So how about it? Want to share an Uber since we're headed to the same place?"
That sounded reasonable and environmentally responsible, and I couldn't think of a valid reason to say no. So that was how I found myself nodding mechanically as I stared at my neighbor.
"Uh, yeah, sure," I replied when a brilliant idea came to me. "Actually, let me see if my friend is free. She's a driver."
Natalie would be perfect, and maybe I could get Nicco's number from her. Sending off a quick text, I anxiously waited to see if she was available. Just as Monroe's son exited the apartment, my phone chimed with a message.
Natalie:Hey, girl! You're in luck. I'm on your side of town. I'll be there in a jiffy!
"Awesome, she's headed here," I relayed, and we made our way to the elevator.