My mind whirled with uncertainty as I left Windy City. My feelings bounced all over the place, the last hour playing on a loop. I hadn't known if Wells would be in attendance when I arrived, but I had needed to do something with the energy rolling through me. I'd been prepared to do a barre class if necessary. I'd bumped into Katie the other day, and she'd made a comment about missing me, so I felt obligated to do a class now. Sadly, I hadn't missed barre. Kickboxing ticked all my boxes and fulfilled me in ways barre never had.
Whether that was to do with Surly or not, I wouldn't think about.
When Wells stormed out of the session, Monroe had told me he'd talk to him. When they both didn't return a few minutes later, I started to worry that something serious like his stitch had opened or he'd passed out.
Walking into their intimate conversation hadn't been my intention.
Thankfully, they were so engrossed in they hadn't heard me enter. Grabbing my stuff, I took the other exit out and made my way home. I wasn't sure what I'd witnessed, but I could see the history between them. The pain and anguish on Wells's face was real, as was the longing.
Somehow I kept collecting these men with complicated pasts who made me feel more alive than I ever had. Yet, I still felt alone and on the outside looking in. Each time I seemed to get a tiny step closer to someone, distance would be inserted, whether by him or me. My mask had begun to slip, the darkness starting to leak out. Maintaining the facade of being the perfect 'everything' was wearing on me. Soon, I would crumble under it all, lost in the debris of all my failures.
I think it was what terrified me the most. That I would be forgotten to the mistakes of my past, haunted by the remnants of a person I no longer was but who no one would let go of. I would be trapped forever in a cycle of grief and despair.
The more I tasted the impulsive danger, the more I wanted it, craved it even. Wrapping it around me gave me a sense of freedom I hadn't expected. In my darkness, I could feel all the emotions I hadn't been allowed to. In the shadows, I could breathe.
Recklessness marred my skin like a tattoo now, and I wanted more.
Wanting to taste danger and walk along the edge of darkness, I made a spontaneous decision to head to Climax. Calling Nat, I found myself momentarily lost when she didn't answer. Chastising myself for treating her like my own personal taxi, I decided to take the train there. I could do this. I wanted to dance in the shadows a moment ago. Nothing said danger like the L train at night.
The train platform was empty as I waited, and I breathed deeply, reminding myself I'd wanted this. As I stepped onto the empty train car, I grabbed a seat and wistfully watched the city pass by, hoping to ignore the anxiety I felt. The lights created different images as we passed, and I soon became lost in their hypnotization. As the train stopped and started, people came and left the car, but I didn't notice.
Time passed as I sat there mesmerized by the lights watching the world spin outside the window. The buzzing of my phone had me jumping out of my skin. I'd forgotten it was in my hand after attempting to call Nat. I stared at the screen for a minute before I could comprehend the name on the screen.
Jude.
Fumbling to answer, I dropped the phone, and it skidded across the aisle. Reaching for it, shock filled me when a boot-clad foot stepped on it. I'd been so zoned out that I hadn't paid attention to anyone else on the train. Stupid mistake as I now found myself seemingly alone with a stranger. When they didn't release my phone at my tug, I looked up to discover who the boot belonged to.
The man was handsome in a devil may care kind of way. He was muscular, his snug clothes showcasing his abs and biceps. Tattoos adorned his hands and arms, and as I traveled up further, I could make out a tattoo peeking out of his collar that wrapped around his neck. He had light stubble on his chin, adorning a crooked smile. His eyes pierced me, mischief alight in them. His hair was dark as obsidian and brushed over on the top. The sides were kept short, offering a look of refined danger. The smirk had grown the longer I took him. It added to his appeal, even if it meant he knew I'd been observing him.
"That's my phone," I informed him, just in case me being hunched down with my hand on the device wasn't obvious enough. Kickboxing had made my inner voice sassy, that or the amazing sex from Nicco. I wasn't complaining.
"Is it now? Well, it seems we're in a quandary, gorgeous."
I didn't like the way he said gorgeous, and I had a feeling his words meant something different than what I heard.
"I'm not sure I understand what quandary we're in, mister. It's my phone. Your foot is on it. Move your foot, and I get my phone back. Simple."
"The mouth on you!" He slapped his knee, a wicked smile now playing on his lips. I didn't miss how his eyes lit with an emotion I didn't like. "Oh, the things I could do to that mouth." Seduction lay heavy in his voice. While I found his words crass and unwanted, I couldn't deny the way my body responded to him like a soft caress, his timber rolling over me.
"I think you're mistaken on what type of girl I am. Now, please. My phone."
I tugged at it under his boot again, but he stepped down harder on it, almost clipping my finger in the process. Narrowing my eyes, I felt my darkness skirt over my skin, pricking away the terror I'd been feeling moments ago. This wasn't a good situation to be in, but something inside me wanted the destruction it would cause. To unleash the wickedness in me with no discourse for my actions.
Slowly, I stood to my full height taking in the rest of the car as I did. There were two other people at the end of the train. The way they stood indicated they were with this asshole. Whether he was part of a gang or a wannabe rapist, I didn't know, but I would make him pay for the sins of all the men before him who'd underestimated me.
The train drew nearer to the next stop, and I would need to time this perfectly. Slinging my bag over my back, I approached the asshole who'd decided to tempt fate tonight. Walking seductively, I drew his gaze to me exactly how I wanted. His smirk and leer fueled the fire within, giving me the courage I needed to unleash the part of me I'd always hidden.
Faster than he could blink, I twisted his balls in my hand as I braced his throat with my forearm. The strangled cry coming out of him sent my pulse skyrocketing.
"Tell your goons to stay back, or I'll twist even harder."
The asshole glared at me, not believing I would or maybe could, so I applied a little pressure until I heard him whimper. "Stay… back…" he finally ordered.
Releasing his family jewels just a smidge, I bent down to whisper in his ear. "Just because I'm female doesn't mean I'm weak. Remember this the next time you decide to be an asshole to some woman just because you can."
He glared daggers at me, but the heat in his eyes was still there. He licked his lips, and I almost fell forward into them. Pushing my common sense up, I cast some light on the darkness to remind myself of my morals. I couldn't completely lose myself, no matter how seductive the pull was. The screech of the brakes had me remembering my time limit.
"Bit of advice, you're gonna want to ice these later. Bye, now."