“I can’t blame her,” I answer, finishing my drink.
Her words of stabbing a soldier at the temple ring in my ears, and the memory makes my jaw clench. I know exactly what they did to women there if they didn’t burn them immediately, and I wish I could have done much worse to any bastard that ever hurt her. Self-loathing coats me at my inability to protect her, my mother, my sister, as it has for years. Even knowing she was safe under Celeste’s protective watch, I raged while I was away from Artemisia, too far to offer assistance should they need it.
It took years of visits and conversations with my sister to determine when it was the right moment to send Lyra away, timing it so Nerissa would also be strong enough to consider the voyage. When she first arrived on the sidewalk outside the House of Starlight, Celeste had mentioned Nerissa was so broken that she would have risked cutting her hand off to ensure she wouldn’t be trapped on a ship full of men rather than wear the bracelet I placed on her.
I swallow bitterness at the memory of seeing her there the first time. Her indigo eyes were empty, as she watched each patron like a wild animal with its leg in a trap.
It took nearly a year before she told Celeste she would be open to receiving customers, and somehow my sister passed it off as offering Nerissa control in their relationship, rather than showing favor to her over the other girls. A few weeks later it was agreed that she would only bed the men she chose, not anyone who wanted a taste of her — she was too volatile with her dagger, otherwise.
Having a strange pirate steal her away would have surely been met with that blade, either for me or herself, so I had waited. I watched her every time I was in town — observed her shape fill back out, stand straighter, walk more boldly, until the night I made the deal with Celeste and swept her and Lyra from that place. It’s only fair that I let her make her choices now as to what she wishes for the future.
“I think New Aphros is the best choice,” Pike interrupts my train of thought while Erik nods in agreement. They both look at me expectantly as I sit behind my desk. Maps are strewn over the surface, but I haven’t even glanced down at them.
“I agree. It has plenty of accommodation and is an easy port to sell the goods we still have onboard and those we will depart Delosia with. Plus, the crew enjoys it there during Winter Solstice,” Erik speaks wisely as always, and it has been a while since we stopped for long in the port.
“It’s also an opportunity for the lady to meet Madame Salome,” Erik adds quietly, cutting his eyes at me.
The mention of Salome makes me smile, fond memories of my past rising up over the past decade of violence. I’ve known the priestess all my life — she was a close friend to my mother. She encouraged my parents’ marriage, and then soothed our aching hearts when my father passed away. Nerissa would like her, I’m sure of it, and she could learn more about her heritage and the Old Ways of the priestesses from her.
“If she comes,” I murmur.
“If you ask her, she will come,” Pike says firmly, like an old uncle telling me I’m an idiot in not so many words.
“If I ask her,” I breathe into my refilled glass. Topping off the men’s cups, I sit back in my chair to discuss our course to New Aphros before we return to the shore.
* * *
“What happened?” I ask Marie, sitting across from her at her dining table for dinner later that evening.
“Well, I thought she would be more receptive,” the older woman grumbles, “but she was clearly still agitated about what I had to share.” She pauses as her butler brings platters around the table to us.
“What. Happened?” I repeat firmly.
I love Marie — we have known one another for years, but she is not always the most delicate when it comes to sharing her opinions.
“I told her that I think she could be the rallying force to overthrow Blackwell,” she states casually with a shrug.
“You, what? Marie –” I start, before she interrupts.
“And to not hurt you,” she says.
“What!” I shoot to my feet in my anger.
“I told her if she is going to run away from her past, she should tell you outright to avoid breaking your heart. Billy, we have all watched you with her now. It’s clear this is not some infatuation over a pretty woman and whatever talents she has in the bedroom. I didn’t want her to run away and hurt you,” Marie says sweetly with a smile that suits a grandmother – and a viper.
“Dammit, Marie!” the words burst from my mouth as I lean over the table towards her, “You are not my mother. You and Pike are worse at meddling in other people’s affairs than anyone I know. Fuck!”
I retake my seat and run my hands through my hair, clutching the back of my neck with one as I stare down at my plate. Just fucking great.
“Well, what did she say?” I ask quietly, ducking my eyes to hide my desperation to know the answer. If Marie put it out there, I should at least find out what was said.
“She was furious,” Marie chuckles. “If she wasn’t so adept at restraint, I think she would have thrown her wine at me.”
My head snaps up, blinking in surprise.
“She still wants nothing to do with a rebellion or being a queen. At least, she says she doesn’t. I can see the rage in that woman. It practically ripples under her skin, even if she thinks she’s a still pool — she could be terrifying if she decided to use her power. But it was obvious when I spoke about you that she is mad about you.”
My eyes find her at her words. “I’ll go to her tonight. Don’t bring it up again, Marie. I mean it. Let her live her life, whatever that means for her. She’s been through enough,” I scold the woman seated across from me.