“Your aunt was beloved by the people, you know this surely?” she asks. I offer a quick nod, stuffing my emotion deep at the thought of my Aunt Adelaide. Marie continues, “When gossip started about the Usurper King threatening her rule, no one thought it would be troublesome; Selennia was strong and peaceful. But, of course, a group of foul men felt like it wasn’t right for women to have so much power anymore. They paved the way for the treachery and defeat that began with Adelaide’s death and the destruction of the temples, and ended with dismantling the way our society worked.
“I believe — and I am encouraged in this belief by the news that comes to me through the different pirate lords that pass through this island — that there are a host of people back home waiting for a uniting force to initiate a rebellion by the people. I think you may be that rallying force.”
Fortunately, I had hesitated in my last sip of wine, and still only hold the goblet to my lips, otherwise, I would have spit the dark liquid across her fine tablecloth.
“Me? No. I am not looking to be a queen. I am not trying to rally a rebellion. I have given so much — my family, my beliefs, my body, everything I ever knew. I will not become the property of an entire country. I’m sorry. I can’t.” I push my chair away from the table to stand, but Marie holds up her hand to stop me.
“I understand, child. You have endured. You aren’t ready to return to the source of your pain. I merely need you to understand that I am not a threat to you. Your secret is safe with me, but this is something you must entertain. If you truly want to help people — especially those women and girls still suffering — and be free, like you said you do, this may be your way.”
“I appreciate your concern and your insight, but I can’t… I just… I’m sorry, I can’t.” I stand and fold the napkin before placing it on the table next to my uneaten, much toyed with, meal. Remembering my manners, I turn to her before storming out. “Thank you for seeing me and for the lunch, Marie. I’m sorry, but I must excuse myself now.”
“Don’t hurt, Billy,” Marie says as I reach the doorway, making me pause.
“Excuse me?” I snap, looking over my shoulder, a wave of annoyance cresting in my chest.
“Don’t hurt him. Cut the ties now if you are going to run away. He has loved you since he bedded you at the rites, long before he had any idea who you truly were. I’ve known him since he was a young man — the thought of you possibly murdered in that temple helped drive him to become what he is now.” She sighs deeply, as if the memory of a young Lennox is painful. “Don’t fool him if you don’t love him. I don’t think he can handle coming back to find another woman he loves is gone,” she confides.
Although my heart feels like it could burst at the idea that Lennox might actually have feelings for me, and at the sorrow for his losses, that feeling is overridden by boiling anger at her audacity.
“It’s amusing that the way he decided to show his love was to terrify me at the House of Starlight. To buy my company to get me aboard his ship. And then to coerce me into agreeing to step foot onto that vessel by working with Celeste to use Lyra as bait. Do not presume to lecture me on his feelings, or my own,” I snarl at her.
Marie recoils, her eyes wide at my words and tone, and doesn’t say another word to me as I breeze past the startled butler, letting myself out of the house and into the blinding midday sun.
Chapter 28
LENNOX
“Billy… Billy!” Erik’s hearty, accented voice jolts me from my thoughts as we sit in my cabin aboard the Bartered Soul. “What’s the matter with you, man?”
I’m distracted. I’ve been distracted for weeks now.
I haven’t seen Nerissa since Lyra interrupted our morning yesterday, her last sight of me being when I ran out of her room like a maiden caught in the hay with the stable boy.
What was I going to tell her before that interruption? Was I really going to lay it all out? That I love her — I’ve always loved her? That the idea of leaving her behind again makes me feel like I can’t breathe?
My cabin here on the ship is one of the only places where I feel secure discussing important things with these two. While the other captains on the island aren’t enemies, they aren’t fully trustworthy, either, and I have no idea who might be spying for them. Whereas these two, I trust implicitly — it has been earned over the last seven years. We are supposed to be discussing the next route, whether we are going to New Aphros to spend the winter storm season or heading farther to sea first, but I haven’t been able to focus on their opinions.
What feels like a lifetime ago, Erik was on the first crew I joined after the mutiny from the King’s Navy, aboard the Selkie’s Tears. He left Jackson’s crew with me when I took my own ship.
Pike is an old friend of Lyra’s father and Marie, having hailed from the same village they did. The older man is a steady force for the younger crew members during times of trouble. He knew my mother, too, from when he sailed with Lyra’s father and visited us on leave. They’re like family to me and know all my secrets. Including what’s distracting me now.
Nerissa.
“You know what’s the matter with him, Erik,” Pike scoffs gruffly over the mug of ale he sips from, his dark brown cheeks wrinkling around his eyes as he teases.
“Could both of you kindly shut the fuck up?” I grumble back at their teasing, taking another drink of the whiskey I swirl in my glass aimlessly. The sun sinks lower, casting an orange and pink glow over the open sea beyond the windows of my cabin. The moon rises, and I can’t help but think of Nerissa in her silver robe under its white glow. I make a mental note to ensure she knows there will be a ceremony for the full moon; watching her the last time was a thing of beauty, and holding one on the beach will be magical for her.
“You’ve been searching for the woman for years, Billy. You found her, you’ve won her. Why don’t you just tell her what you want and be done with it?” Pike asks. Erik gives him a sharp look but studies me closely. He, of all people, understands my predicament but has always let me process without the grief that Pike enjoys showering over me.
“I haven’t won her, though. Have I? I’ve given her the chance to get out of Celeste’s place, but she hasn’t said anything about wanting to stay with me. I don’t know how to ask her without it seeming like I am trying to buy her or control her. Especially with Marie’s dinner hanging over us,” my gaze swings to the older man. “Did you know she was going to confront her about her past like that, Pike?” He has known Marie for decades and is always in close communication when we are on the island.
“I had no idea. And you say Andromeda wanted no part of it?” Pike asks.
“None. Told me to not even call her by her true name anymore, as if that will help conceal the truth.”
“She was quite shaken, even though she thinks she hides her emotions,” Erik observes. “Fear still clings to her skin.”
My eyes shift to him — Erik’s quiet way of watching and assessing people has always been an asset to me. Somehow, he manages to recede in a group and he catches more pieces of information and news than anyone I know, even as he towers over almost everyone in a room.