‘Does she know you were using her?’
‘Yes.’
‘You told her?’
‘We had a chat the first time she turned up at a project meeting.’
‘Cosy.’
‘Not particularly. It was awkward.’
‘My heart bleeds.’
‘Nothing’s happened, Lily. Not since that night. And it won’t. It was a mistake and we both are more than aware of that. If that doesn’t convince you then how about the fact that I’m with you and she’s married?’
‘So what? That didn’t stop you.’
‘Happily.’
Lily flinched. ‘You know her well enough to know that, do you?’
‘I asked. We chatted. I apologised. She forgave me. We’ve moved on.’
He’d thought Lily had forgiven him too because hadn’t she said she had way back when they’d first talked? But that clearly wasn’t the case, and he’d been a fool not to see it.
He’d thought that their relationship had been going well, but the progress he’d naively assumed they’d made had been nothing more than superficial. Physically things couldn’t be better. Emotionally, however, they were still rocky in a way he hadn’t appreciated. But now he could see that beneath the surface there’d been an undercurrent of mistrust, and why wouldn’t there be because, as he was beginning to realise, he wasn’t the only one who had to constantly live with the knowledge of what he’d done.
And he might have nothing to feel guilty about, nothing to be ashamed of this time, but that didn’t matter. It was because of what he’d done that Lily was feeling so insecure and hurt and if he wanted to hang on to her he was going to have to do a lot more than simply be open and honest. He was going to have to prove to her that she could trust him and how he was going to do that he had no idea.
Hell, if only he didn’t have to go to Rome tomorrow, because he could really do with the time and headspace to think about this properly.
‘I thought I had too,’ said Lily quietly. ‘But it seems I might not be as over all this as I’d thought.’
Kit felt his chest tighten. ‘Is it a deal-breaker?’
She shrugged and sighed. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Is there anything I can do to make it right?’
She looked up at him for a couple of long minutes, as if searching his face and eyes for sincerity, bit her lip and then frowned. ‘You really want to make it right?’ she said, her frown clearing as she pulled her shoulders back and lifted her chin in a way that had wariness trickling through him.
‘Of course.’
‘Then use another PR agency.’
As her ultimatum sank in Kit went still, his mind reeling and his heart sinking as he realised he’d been right to be wary because of all the things she could have asked of him she’d asked for the one thing he couldn’t give her.
He got that this was some kind of test. He got that she wanted him to prove that he meant what he said. And he’d have done just about anything. But firing his PR agency? That he couldn’t do. There was no way he was going to let something personal ruin a perfectly good business relationship. Certainly not one that had taken years to build up and now worked brilliantly for both parties.
‘I can’t do that, Lily.’
She stared up at him in disbelief. ‘I thought you wanted to make this right?’
‘I do. But not like that.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because they’re the best in the business and we have an excellent relationship. And I can’t let something personal get in the way of that.’