Now he wished he had. Now he wished he’d had time to prepare for this because if he had he might have anticipated Lily’s anger and her hurt, he might have thought about her insecurities and doubts and how they might make her respond to this kind of news and he might have formulated a strategy to deal with it.
As it was he was navigating unfamiliar and extremely choppy waters and he didn’t have a clue what he was doing and he now had the horribly panicky feeling that the longer he said nothing, the worse things were becoming.
‘Your silence speaks volumes, Kit,’ said Lily with a bitter laugh as she apparently read his mind. ‘And you know what? You want communication? Well, this is the way I’m choosing to communicate, you jerk.’ An
d with that, she hurled her glass at him.
With lightning reflexes Kit dodged to the left and the glass flew over his right shoulder, smashed against a cupboard behind him and shattered, and the sound of it jolted him out of paralysis.
She spun on her heel and marched off in the direction of her coat and bag, but within a second he caught up with her, grabbing her wrist and stopping her. She gasped in outrage and he could feel her pulse jumping beneath his fingers but he ignored both as he whirled her round to face him.
‘Let me go,’ she said fiercely, trying to pull free.
Not a chance, he thought grimly, because whatever happened he wasn’t letting her go ever again and they could get through this. They could. As long as he didn’t mess it up. ‘Why? So you can run away?’
‘So I can leave before I do you some serious damage,’ she said, her eyes flashing at him.
‘That’s a risk I’m prepared to take.’
‘Fool.’
‘Probably. But you don’t get to run away from this this time.’
‘Well, you don’t get to decide what I do.’
That was true, but he did get to decide what he did, and if he wanted to fix this he had to start with the honesty and openness he’d promised her. ‘Ask me about her, Lily,’ he said. ‘Ask me anything.’
Lily stopped struggling and stilled. Blinked a couple of times, and he thought he saw some of her hostility ebb. ‘Anything?’
He relaxed his hold on her a fraction, but she didn’t step back. ‘Anything.’
‘What makes you think I’m interested?’
‘Aren’t you?’
There was a moment’s silence and he could virtually see the internal battle she was fighting. ‘OK, fine,’ she said, lifting her chin in challenge. ‘What does this Paula person look like?’
‘Average.’
She shook her head and glared at him. ‘Not good enough, Kit. Not nearly good enough.’
‘I mean it. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Around five foot six, I guess. Not fat. Not thin. Really average.’
‘And what was she like in bed?’ she asked bluntly. ‘Better than me? Worse than me? Hotter? Kinkier? More adventurous? More creative? The woman is in PR after all.’ She flashed him a look. ‘And if you say “average” again I’ll thump you.’
Kit ignored the thought that he really didn’t want to be having this conversation because he didn’t have a choice. Her questions and the insecurities they revealed were natural and justified and he wouldn’t ignore them any more than he’d judge them. ‘I don’t remember.’
Lily rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, please.’
‘I really don’t. I was hammered out of my skull.’
‘Then why her?’
‘Because she was there.’ Inwardly he cringed as for the first time in years the memory of that night flashed into his head, but he didn’t take his eyes off hers. ‘I was at rock-bottom and she was there.’
‘Such a charmer.’
‘You wanted honesty, you have it. I’m not proud of what I did, Lily.’