“And Finn?”
“I met him in Barcelona. He was having a drink with my contact. I saw him for all of thirty seconds, but he clearly knew why I was there, and I could guess why he was there.”
She grabbed Tox’s forearm with both hands. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you the whole truth.”
Tox nodded and placed his hand over both of hers.
“Aren’t you mad about any of this?”
He shrugged. “I understand better than most. Hell, I know Teamguys who can’t tell their wives what they’re doing half the time. It’s part of the job.”
He fiddled with a french fry then tossed it back.
“What else?” She pushed.
“Honestly, when you said you knew Finn, I was so balled up that you might have slept with my best friend, all I really feel about the other stuff is relief. How fucked up is that?”
“Well, considering I almost slugged the waitress for slipping you her phone number,” she said, nodding to the piece of paper which Tox hadn’t noticed, “I’d say we’re on an even playing field.”
“Midfield,” he murmured.
“Hmm?”
“And when this assignment is over?” he asked, ignoring her question.
“I’ll meet with my, um, contact at the Department…”
“You were going to say ‘handler,’ weren’t you?”
“Fine. Handler. I’ll meet with her and she’ll give me the basics on where she’s sending me next.”
“So you’ll just leave.” It wasn’t a question.
“I never really thought about it. I’ve never stayed in the same place for this long. I’ve never had a reason not to go.”
“Do you have a reason now?” I’m that reason. Tox employed every ounce of restraint. He couldn’t be the only one doing the wanting. She had to meet him halfway.
“Of course I do, but I’ve been doing this for seven years. It’s adventurous and exciting. I don’t know if I’m cut out for some humdrum life always in the same place. I’ve never put down roots.”
“Without roots, you won’t grow.”
“My badass poet.” She kissed him. “I’ll admit it gets depressing starting over time after time. This is the first place I’ve lived where I’ve had friends. Can you believe that?”
“Friends?”
“Friends and more-than-friends. Can we keep talking about it?”
Tox grabbed her hand and pulled her from the chair. “I need to make a call. I’ll walk you home.”
Tox added to the pile of cash Finn had left, demolished his cheeseburger in three bites, and walked purposefully out of the restaurant. Calliope hurried after him with a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.
As they rounded the corner onto her street, Calliope was still spiraling. Tox had said he understood her reticence, but he certainly wasn’t acting like the easygoing lover he had been on their way to the restaurant. He was distant, distracted. When his arm swung back, she snagged his hand. She felt him pulling away. Suddenly, this thing between them felt fleeting, fragile.
As she tried to corral her scattered thoughts she realized Tox wasn’t pulling his hand away from hers, he was dragging her behind the exterior stairs of a neighboring house. He tilted his head, and Calliope followed the movement. She caught the last of a group of men entering her home through the front door without the slightest hint of stealth.
“What now?”
Tox drew himself up to his full height.