Calvin shrugged. “I’m fine.”
“How are you feeling about what happened today?”
“I did my job.”
Dr. Winters smiled warmly. “That’s what you did, not how you feel.”
“I had to kill someone. Someone with a family who loved them. How do you think I feel?”
“I can’t answer that for you,” Dr. Winters replied gently.
“I feel shitty.” Like that was big news. What agent wouldn’t?
“You know, Calvin. Whenever we have a session, you sit here in my office, I ask you the same questions, and you give me the same answers. That you’re fine. You were doing your job. That you understand what’s required of you, and that you need some time, but you can handle it because you always have.”
“Right.” At least they were on the same page. “That hasn’t changed.”
“Let’s try something different.” Dr. Winters cocked his head to one side, his sharp amber eyes studying Calvin. He smiled. He was always smiling. “Tell me about Ethan. How is your relationship with him progressing?”
Calvin sat up and narrowed his eyes. He eyed Dr. Winters warily. Not that it did much good. The wolf Therian barely blinked.
“Things are good. Was he here? Did he come here?”
“Does that concern you?”
Why would Ethan come up here? Not that Ethan hadn’t been up here before. Ethan had plenty of sessions with Dr. Winters before today, the most recent in connection to Shultzon taking him, Sloane, and Ash. “What did you say to him? Did he say anything?”
“He’s worried about you.”
“Why? It’s not the first time this has happened. He knows how these things go. How is this different to any other time?” It was a sad fact, but Calvin had done this a number of times.
“You push him away.”
Calvin swallowed hard. He was finding it difficult to meet Dr. Winters’s gaze all of a sudden. “I need time. He understands that.”
“He does, but it still hurts him. When you’re in pain, he’s in pain.”
It was strange, hearing Dr. Winters talking about Ethan during one of their sessions. “I don’t mean to hurt him. I need to deal with this on my own.”
“Why?”
“Because he has enough to deal with. I won’t lay my shit on him too.” On any given day, Ethan was struggling with his mutism, his anxiety, his family, and anything else determined to keep him up at night or fuck with his attempt to remain fu
lly functional. Calvin’s job was to protect Ethan, not bring him more heartache.
“So you’re protecting him?”
“Yes. Like I said, he has enough to deal with. His dad, his older brother, his job, the assholes who get in his face because he doesn’t answer them, or because he has to move when they sit next to him. They get offended. You know what it’s like for him. I won’t put my shit on him too.”
“What about your mother? Do you speak to her about how you feel?”
Calvin frowned. “Of course not.”
Winters nodded. His expression turned thoughtful. “You’re protecting her as well.”
“Of course I am. She’s my mom. After all the shit she went through, she’s finally happy. She worries enough about me being out in the field. What is she going to do with the information I give her? Nothing. She’ll worry about me more. I can handle my job, Doctor.”
“I have no doubt that you can. Otherwise I wouldn’t continue to clear you for duty.” Winters watched him silently before seeming to come to some sort of conclusion. “Tell me about Mr. Ruiz. How do you feel about what you had to do today?”