“Cal?”
Ethan’s soft word snapped him out of it, and he realized they were alone in the locker room. He didn’t even remember walking in here. Calvin finished changing and shut his locker.
“I’m fine. I’ll see you later.” The heartbroken expression Calvin managed to catch a glimpse of as he turned away from Ethan had him adding the man he loved to the long list of people he’d hurt today. He walked off, needing to be alone. It was best he be on his own right now. He’d caused enough pain.
Chapter Seven
I’LL WAIT for you.
Ethan hated this part more than anything. This was where Calvin shut down and shut him out. Ethan was terrified one of these days Calvin would get lost for good. The team stayed clear, knowing it was what his partner needed. They’d finished up quick and left the locker room. Calvin had gone through the motions, his head somewhere else. It broke Ethan’s heart to see him like that. Even if it didn’t last long, it was there, dimming the brightness in his partner’s blue eyes. Ethan followed Calvin out, though he kept his distance. His partner didn’t know he was there. Calvin had changed out of his uniform. He’d have the rest of the day off, but first he’d be up to see Dr. Winters. Tomorrow he’d spend the day filling out his report, finding the right words to paint a picture and show why it was necessary for him to do what he did.
I wish you would let me in.
Ethan yearned to reach out and take Calvin’s hand, to pull him into his embrace and not let go, but he didn’t. A thought struck him. He had a few minutes before Calvin went upstairs to meet with Dr. Winters. Ethan hurried to the elevator and went up to the seventeenth floor. He briskly walked through the corridor of offices and suites until he found the frosted-glass door with Dr. Winters’s name on it. He walked into the reception area where a young Human woman smiled at him. Ethan pointed behind her to the office.
“One moment. I’ll check.” The receptionist put in the call, and seconds later the doctor emerged. He smiled widely.
“Agent Hobbs. How good to see you. Please, come in. I have a few minutes before my next session.”
Ethan walked into the doctor’s office and waited while the tall wolf Therian closed the door.
“What can I do for you, Ethan? Have you thought about my proposal to learn ASL?”
Ethan was embarrassed. He shook his head. I will, though. The last few months had been so crazy, he’d completely forgotten about Dr. Winters’s suggestion for him to learn American Sign Language. Ethan wasn’t sure it would help. ASL was communication, and no matter what format he was using, whether it was spoken words or sign language, it didn’t stop him from growing too anxious to communicate with someone.
“Well, you think about it and let me know. I have a wonderful program that can help. If it’s what you want. No one’s forcing you.”
Ethan nodded his thanks. He placed his hand out around his chest level before moving his hand over his hair and making spike motions.
“Agent Summers?”
Ethan nodded. I’m worried about him. He swiped a hand in front of his face.
The doctor’s expression softened. “Yes, I know. It’s rather difficult to get through to him after an incident.”
No, you don’t understand. Ethan put his hand to his heart, then motioned between him and the door.
“Oh.” Dr. Winters blinked at him. “You and Agent Summers are involved romantically?”
Ethan nodded. He waved his hand in front of his face again before putting it to his heart. Every time he shuts down, it breaks my heart. He pushed with his hands.
“He pushes you away.”
Ethan nodded.
“Your partner carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, even when no one has asked him to, and that’s when he’s not carrying the responsibility of his duties. I’ll see what I can do, but I’m sure you know better than anyone how willful your partner can be.”
Ethan wasn’t surprised. Calvin wasn’t one to share his feelings. He had no problem expressing himself, but when it came down to the core of what was eating away at him, he never let anyone in, not even Ethan. All Ethan could do was hope for the best.
“CALVIN, THANK you for seeing me.”
“I don’t really have a choice,” Calvin muttered as he entered the doctor’s pristine office and headed for the couch. The room was furnished to resemble a living room more than a psychologist’s office. Apparently it made agents feel more open and at ease. Didn’t matter how you dressed it up, it was still a shrink’s office.
“There’s always a choice, Calvin.”
Here we go. Calvin took a seat on the floral couch. At least it was comfortable. He sat back against the plush throw pillows, his fingers laced and resting on his lap. He waited for the doctor to finish setting up the recording application on his tablet. Once he placed it on the coffee table beside him, he crossed one knee over the other and placed his laced fingers on his lap. Now the usual questions began.
“How are you feeling?”