“Haven, you have to understand,” I say, my voice raw with emotion. “I didn’t realize; I thought I was doing what was right for you. It never occurred to me that I could have a life with you. I thought I would be dragging you down, making you live in misery with me.”
“The only misery I was worried about was living without you,” Haven says sadly. “But now? I don’t know.”
Footsteps sound outside the door, and I realize in a panic that this might be my last chance. “Haven?” someone calls from the hallway.
Haven looks over her shoulder at the door. “I have to go,” she says.
“Haven, give me a chance,” I rasp, clenching my hands into fists at my side. “Please, one more chance. I promise I won’t make you regret it.”
“I have to go,” Haven repeats, twisting the knob. She pauses for a moment and looks back at me. “I’ll think about it.”
And then, with the close of a door, she’s gone.
***
I pace in the darkness for another minute, and then, glutton for punishment that I am, I step out into the hall, listening to the voices in the main hall downstairs. I can hear Willard saying something about true love. The rattle of the carts and the clinking of pitchers as the omegas start to fill their vases with their decisions.
“Reese?”
I spin around to find Arlo standing at the far end of the hall, looking at me with confusion in his gaze.
“What happened?” he asks, staying far away. He looks me over in alarm. “Did you get mugged?”
I laugh despite myself. “No. I just… I realized how much I’ve fucked up. I tried to talk to Haven, but…” I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I ruined it, Arlo. I fucked it all up, and I’ll never be able to make it right.”
Arlo watches me steadily for a moment, his eyes penetrating into my very soul. “As someone who has done things worthy of regret in my life, let me tell you that the only thing you can do is try to make it better.”
“I’m not you, though, Arlo,” I reply. “I’m not good like you. I don’t have anything going for me, don’t you understand that? If you love me, if you stay with me, there won’t be anything for me to give. That’s why I wanted to push you away. I wanted you to live your life. Not be stuck in some dump for the rest of it just because you chose me as your pack.”
Arlo shakes his head. “You really don’t understand, do you? You’re everything to us, Reese. But if you can’t see that, we can’t make you see it.”
“I don’t see it,” I snap. “I think you’re both lunatics. But… I can’t stop loving you.” I start to move closer to him, but Arlo puts up a hand to stop me.
He blows out a breath, and backs away even further. “Then fix it,” he says.
And he walks away toward the omega dorms. He doesn’t look back.
Chapter Thirty-one
~Haven~
The water is sparkling in the mid-afternoon sunlight as I stand in front of my cart, looking down. I feel nothing for this process. Nothing for the packs in front of me. I do feel some camaraderie with the omegas to my left and right; I’m surprised at how quickly I’ve grown to like them, actually. But the packs? Even Pack Six doesn’t make my heart pound the way Reese and Arlo do.
Willard makes his speech, and the other omegas start to pour their liquids into the vases. It’s my turn, and I pick up the pitcher, pouring the liquids carefully into each. My hands are trembling, and I can feel the hot prickle on my skin.
Suddenly the room is spinning, the scents around me overwhelming.
Ohno. My heat. It’s fucking here? The timing could not be worse. I wobble on my feet, and some of the water splashes out of the vase and onto my shoes. A voice in my head tells me that this is all for the best; I can pick whoever I want for my heat; Pack Six if I want; they’ll take care of me. I bet they’ll bring Arlo into the fold without any trouble.
But it’s wrong, and I know it’s wrong. I whimper despite myself. There’s only one knot I want. Despite everything that has happened, there’s only one alpha for me. He hurt me, there’s no getting around it. But it doesn’t mean I want him any less.
When the packs come out, the air in the room turns heavy with tension. There’s a finale to consider, after all. And time in the Starlight Suite. And love, and honor, and pack. A bead of sweat runs down the side of my face. My knees buckle, and I reach out to hold onto a nearby cart.
“You ok?” Randy whispers, leaning close. He hisses as my scent blooms. “Fuck, you’re not ok.”
“I can make it,” I whisper back. “Don’t say anything.”
I watch as the alphas come forward. Not quite close enough to scent me, thank god. One by one, the leaders pour their liquids into the vases. And I know, as I watch, that no matter what color anything turns, no matter what offers I get for money or security or love… the men I want are the ones who touch my heart.