She moved close enough that we could speak in whispers. “You scared everyone,” she said.
“You?”
“Yes. Me. Are you going to tell me why you went?” she asked. “What you were looking for? What was so important that you’d risk your life for it?”
“You’d know the answer if only you’d let yourself see it.”
She bit her lip as her eyes roamed over my bandaged body, her raven-colored hair falling around her face.
“You, Natalia,” I continued. “I went for you. I was looking for you. I’d risk my life for you.”
Her gaze shot up, and she grabbed my cheeks so suddenly, I flinched. She forced me to look her in the eye. “No.”
I frowned. “No what?”
“No more searching for closure or proof or whatever it was that took you away. I don’t need it, Cristiano de la Rosa. Don’t you ever go looking for closure for me again.”
“But it’s not just for you. It’s for me, too.” I placed my crude, unworthy hands over her soft, injured ones, engulfing them. “There will always be a hint of doubt in your mind about my involvement in Bianca’s death, and I won’t live that way.”
She drew back slightly, surprise playing out on her face. Her brows drew together as she looked sideways, away from me. What was it? Did indecision war inside her? Anything to do with her mother, she wanted answers. But that meant letting me continue down that path.
“Do you know something?” she asked.
“Only suspicions I’m trying to verify.”
She inhaled deeply through her nose. If she asked me to go back, I would—just as soon as I had a plan in place to retrieve Max and retaliate against Belmonte-Ruiz.
“Don’t go,” she said finally. “I want you to stay here. Stay home. Don’t go looking for answers, and don’t go after Belmonte-Ruiz.”
I must’ve misheard her. She would put my wellbeing above learning more about Bianca’s murder? Above revenge? In that moment, all my wounds were healed. The loyalty and the trust of my wife was the salve, the anesthetic, the cure for a lifetime of rejection and loss.
It was, finally, the first indication that she could find a way to love me.
The other night, this was all I’d wanted to hear from her—stay.
But she and I both knew it couldn’t be.
I had always been and would always be in this life. In the line of fire. At risk. No guarantee of tomorrow. I wasn’t letting anything go, and now that Belmonte-Ruiz had struck against us, I would have to retaliate tenfold. Natalia might not like it, and her concern was almost enough to make me think twice, but I couldn’t let Daniel and the others die for nothing. And I couldn’t leave Max behind—even if, deep down, I knew what his fate would be.
“Enough business talk.” I ran my hand up her forearm and squeezed her biceps. I wanted her to come even closer, but we’d made a lot of progress already tonight, and I didn’t want to push my luck. “Did you sleep by my side last night?”
Slowly, she shook her head. “You needed space.”
“You swore you’d be in my bed.” My tone dropped. “It’s the rule, mi amor.”
“Extenuating circumstances.”
“If I’d woken up and you weren’t there, I’d have sent everyone out looking for you.”
“They wouldn’t have had to look far. They would’ve found me on the couch. Still close—in case you needed anything.”
“I need, Natalia. I need you like I haven’t needed anything in a long time. Maybe ever.” I drew her closer by her arm until our faces were centimeters apart. “I won’t force you to fill that need, but you should know it runs deep in me.”
If one thing had kept me from falling into death’s grip, it was the promise of her sweet mouth taking my cock again. I dreamed of it, of the last night we’d spent in the same bed, of the way she’d willingly gotten to her knees, and then of our kiss. Those memories had kept me alive.
And the fact that I owed her the same.
If I thought I could reciprocate with all the vigor I intended, I would’ve splayed her out in front of me now.
It would be the first thing I did once I was back on my feet—devour that pussy like the piece of candy it was.
Warmth crept up my neck as my hunger for her stirred deep inside me. Fuck trying not to scare her. I’d never let that stop me before. “If I told you to climb on top of me now, what would you say?”
Her lips parted for a breath. “It would probably kill you. The doctor said if you rip your sutures, she’ll have to perform surgery.”
“Nobody knows the medicine I need. Get on. Put me inside you; it will heal me. And if it doesn’t, it will give me something to live for.”