I don’t feel that way when I turn up at Wardon Church to Emma’s wedding, though. She rushes over to me in her beautiful cream dress, and her smile lights up my world.
“Thank God you’re here.” She pulls me in for a hug. “I’d never have been having such an amazing day without you! It’s been brilliant so far. Thank you so much!”
Seeing Emma like this confirms that I won’t want to be leaving today before I know for sure that she doesn’t need me anymore.
I give my everything to her wedding dreams, but there’s a nagging thought lingering through every minute – the thought of Ant back home waiting for me.
I check my phone for messages, but he doesn’t send a thing all day. It’s well into the evening by the time things calm down enough for me to catch a breath outside. I drop him a text.
I’ll be home as soon as possible, Mr Perfect. I promise. x
I keep checking for messages between mingling with guests, but he hasn’t replied.
The silence wriggles inside me. I try to call him, but there’s no answer, and I don’t even know the home landline number.
My attention withers away from Emma and Neil and I start fidgeting, desperate to get back to Ant. I remember how I was feeling at Hanley Hall before I met him, missing Jack, downing prosecco because I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.
It’s barely gone ten p.m. when I chance it and grab Emma on her way back from the bathroom. I’ve already got my clutch in my hand, ready to go.
“I think everything is going smoothly,” I say. “I’ll be off now, if that’s ok?”
I’ve been reassuring her for weeks that I’ll be there until the end of her event, but she doesn’t hold me to that, just gives me another hug and another thanks.
I drive as quickly as I can back to Malvern, cursing inside at every set of traffic lights. Maybe Ant is right, maybe it is time for me to give up my career. How is it going to be between us with him working long days in the office and me out at weekend events for a huge part of the year?
Unfair. That’s how it’s going to be.
So what holds me back? Why can’t I hand in my notice and leave my career behind?
I try to call him again, but no answer. I check my phone for messages, but there’s nothing there.
When my car speeds up the side of the hills I’m relieved beyond belief to see the house lights are glowing bright. I pull up and dash inside, throwing myself into Ant’s arms with a sorry.
“Sorry for what?” he asks, and his voice sounds so calm. So self-assured.
I pull away and put my clutch on the counter.
“I left as soon as I could. I’ve been trying to call you… trying to message…”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “My phone’s been on silent. I was fed up of the work chatter coming in.”
There it is, right next to him. So I’ve been messaging and calling but he hasn’t seen a thing. Or so he says.
“It’s fine, sweetheart,” he assures me. “I’ve been in your position, where my career was my world.” He looks me up and down with a smile. “You look exhausted, Miss Wedding Planner. I think it’s time you put your feet up and had some celebrations of your own. Go through and sit down,” he gestures to the living room. “I’ll join you in a second. Relax, baby. It’s ok.”
This is the Jekyll side of him. So caring, so genuine, that it makes me feel like more of an ungrateful bitch than ever.
I kick off my heels and drop myself down on the sofa, hearing the pop of a cork in the background as Ant opens a bottle of De Chante. I don’t want a glass right now. It’s already close to eleven p.m. and I’m as exhausted as he imagines I am, but the last thing I’m going to do is reject another of his generosities. I take the glass from him as he joins me, raising it to his mineral water as he offers a toast.
“To Emma,” he says. “That’s her name, right?”
“Yes. Emma and Neil.”
“To Emma and Neil,” he repeats. “I’m sure you gave them an incredible day, baby.”
Just a shame I couldn’t have given him one, considering the day he gave me yesterday.
“I have to be up for Birmingham in the morning,” he tells me. “I tried to rearrange my in-person consultations to be able to spend more time with you, but unfortunately some of the team are over from Paris, and I need to be there alongside them. I’m really sorry.”
How the hell can he be apologising to me so sincerely when I’m the one who upped and left him all day today?