I paled. “Wait, but… I don’t even know my fae name. Am I meant to know all of it?”
“Ogma will know,” Nua said. “She’ll greet you by it when you get there.”
That was a weird thought. Some unseen creature in the woods already knew my fae name—whichIdidn’t even know—and would somehow recognise me on sight.
“Okay, so…” I twisted my hands nervously in my shirt, faintly feeling the soft fabric against my branch fingers. “Do I have to do it alone? You can’t come with me?”
“No, no one can go with you. And no one will be able to follow you.”
That made me feel a little better. Until Gillie added, “Of course, youwillbe stumbling round the forest completely out of it until you find her. So you’ll have to be a bit careful.”
“Wh-what?” I stared at him as panic rose. “But… how am I meant to be careful when I’m out of it on mushrooms?”
He chuckled. “You’ll be alright, lad.”
But Nua looked worried. Then again, Nua often looked worried.
“Take your bow,” he said. “Your arm will react if you’re in danger.”
I nodded, trying to mask the nerves swirling in my belly as I gulped my coffee.
“What about the Carlin’s guards?” I couldn’t help but ask fearfully. “What if they find me?”
Nua’s mouth flattened into a grim line. “We can’t come with you or follow you to her, but we’ll stick close for as long as we can in case any of them are lurking nearby. None of them have even come close to this part of the forest, anyway. They’re looking for you in the busier areas. Near the market.”
“Okay.” I gave him a small smile. “Thank you.”
“I’ll feel better when you’ve done it too,” Nua admitted, crunching on his toast. “And if the Brid ever does find you, she’ll have no idea. She’ll probably assume that you didn’t know about Ogma. You’ll have an edge.”
I nodded and said, “That’s true,” even though I didn’t particularly want to ever meet the Brid. My fae mother.
Although the thought of her did make me curious. The Seelie Queen who’d wanted me dead as a boy. The woman that the Carlin so vehemently despised.
What would she say if she saw me now? Would she be pleased that I was full fae?
Did she ever think about me?
I hated that I wondered that, even for a second. Who cared? She’d wanted me dead. She left me on my father’s doorstep as a newborn, according to the Carlin. I didn’t need anything from her.
“So can I do it today?” I asked. “Do you have the mushrooms?”
“Do I have the mushrooms,” Gillie repeated in exasperation. “Of course I have the mushrooms, lad. If you feel ready, you can set off after breakfast.”
I was incredibly nervous as we finished our breakfast and cleared up. I’d smoked weed at uni, but that was it. And knowing that anything I did see would bereal—not a hallucination—was even more scary, even though Gillie had told me any weird creatures I saw would leave me alone.
Nua watched, twisting his shirt in his hands anxiously, as I strapped on my bow and quiver and tucked my dagger into its sheath on my hip. I chose the one he had originally given me as a boy.
“Do I—um, should I take anything else?” I asked nervously as Gillie came into the room carrying a little wooden bowl and a leather skin.
“Some tea,” he said, holding the skin out. “To clear your head after you’ve found her.”
I took it and slung it over my shoulder, then stared in apprehension at the little bowl he held out, three small, wrinkled brown mushrooms nestled inside it.
“D-do I eat all three?” I asked as I hesitantly took it.
“Yep,” he said cheerfully, slapping me on the back and leading me to the door. “Don’t worry. Just try not to panic when you spot something odd. And you’ll know when you find Ogma. She’ll draw you in.”
I swallowed, looking back at Nua. He rushed forward and hugged me tight.