He pursed his lips and glanced around the room. I’d never seen his bedroom at the Carlin’s palace, but I imagined it followed the same style as the bits I had seen. Cold and white and empty.
The seelie palace was ornate and almost cluttered. I didn’t particularly like the gaudy gold accents and emerald-encrusted ornaments, but I liked the dark wooden furniture. It felt warm. Now that the Brid was gone, I was more relaxed here.
“You… you don’t have to stay here,” I said hoarsely, even though the words made my insides clench up painfully. “If you hate it. We can find somewhere safe for you to live in the forest. And… I can visit you.”
“No,” he said immediately. “I don’t hate it. I want to be here with you.”
He exhaled and gave me a tiny smile. “I’m fine, Ash. I’m sorry if… My leg aches a little. I’m just tired.”
“Of course.” I reached over and took his hand. “It’s been a long day. And your leg’s barely healed. You probably shouldn’t have walked on it for so long. I’m sorry. We should have waited longer—”
He let out a little huff of laughter. “We keep apologising to each other. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Neither do you,” I said quickly, releasing his hand and gesturing at the food. “Please eat something. I’ll worry otherwise.”
He nodded and started eating more, though slowly. The silence felt tense, which made me clench up the longer it dragged on. I finished my ale and ended up drinking one of the glasses of wine just to try and take the edge off my growing nerves.
Lonan was always quiet, but this was different. Something was wrong, and I desperately wanted to fix it but didn’t even really know what it was. Everything was good now, wasn’t it? We were together. We were in the one place where the Carlin could never touch us.
Lonan switched to water, pouring me a cup too. I’d eaten too much to feel the effects of the ale and wine I’d drunk, but I sipped it as I furtively watched him finish his meal.
“Shall we go to bed?” I asked him with a hesitant smile. “You’re tired. You need to rest your leg.”
He nodded and stood up without a word to make his way over to the bed, so I quickly set down my cup and followed him. The sun was only just setting, warm golden light pouring into the room through the window and deepening rapidly.
I stood there unmoving, my breaths coming fast as I watched Lonan slowly unbutton and pull off his shirt, his back to me. The light danced off his pale skin, shifting over the long silvery lines on his back.
I desperately wanted to be close to him, now that we finally could be. I wanted to feel him on top of me, inside me, keeping me warm with his bare body against mine.
But something was wrong. He was stiff and completely silent as he got undressed.
I swallowed, making my way closer to rest my hand on his back. He shuddered but still said nothing, his head hanging low as he clenched his shirt in a fist.
“Are… are you sure there’s nothing else wrong?” I croaked. “Please talk to me.”
He shuddered again and finally turned to face me, dropping his shirt on the floor. His black eyes were tight as he stared at me, chest heaving with his fast breaths.
He lunged at me in a rush, kissing me hard and threading his fingers through my hair. I froze in shock for a second before kissing him back, wrapping my arms around him and hauling him to me tight. His fingers moved frantically through my hair before he cupped my face and slicked his tongue into my mouth with a tiny moan.
Lonan broke the kiss but kept my face clasped between long-fingered hands as he gazed at me through lust-heavy eyes. I could feel his trembling breaths on my lips.
“Use me,” he murmured, then kissed me again.
My initial response was to moan, especially when our lips opened and his tongue slid over mine again. But as the words finally registered, I broke the kiss abruptly.
“What?”
“Use me,” Lonan repeated, his voice hoarse and a little desperate. His thumbs caressed my cheekbones as he nuzzled my face. “I know… I know you are still angry with me, Ash. I understand.”
“What?” I repeated.
He drew back, the desire in his eyes now mingling with that faint fear I sometimes saw when he looked at me recently, like he was terrified I was going to turn my back on him.
“I want you to take it out on my body. You can do whatever you want to me.”
He kissed me again, but I barely had time to dazedly kiss him back, a frown tugging on my brows as I processed his words, before he was trailing desperate kisses along my jaw.
“I want you however you will have me, Ash.” Lonan’s feverish mouth dropped hot, wet kisses down the column of my throat, threatening to distract me. “My mouth, my body. Take whatever you want. Please.”