I think the girls' first outing to the park wore them out because I haven’t heard a peep out of them the entire ride home, and even when I walked through the door, they didn’t make a sound.
I’m getting this dad shit down pat. Easy peasy. Or my girls are just the best kids on the planet, probably the latter.
“Hey Em,” I say as I hang up their diaper bag on the coat and bag rack after setting their car seats down gently on the kitchen table. I’m glad that even though we’re barely speaking, I’m still living here with her and the girls. Not because I didn’t have my room with Asher and Hudson, but because I couldn’t stand the fact of not being near the girls.
So, the couch and I have become close.
“Hey, did uh- did everything go okay? How were the girls?” she asks, not looking me in the eye. God, I fuckinghatethis. I hate this… divide between us, when all I want to do is pull her into my arms and hold her. Kiss her. Remind her of when things were good between us.
“Yeah, the girls did great, even though they slept most of the time. They had a bottle, and I burped Charlotte while Asher burped Quinn, then they went right back to sleep.”
“That’s good, thank you for taking them today.”
“It was nothing, Em. They’re my daughters, you don’t have to thank me for being a dad.”
She busies herself stirring what looks like spaghetti on the stove, nodding, and still doing her best to avoid my eyes. All I want is to see those baby blues staring back at me.
Stepping closer, I gently take the spoon from her, and take over the stirring. She finally fucking looks at me, and we’re closer than we have been for what feels like weeks.
"I think you’ve got some sauce…” I trail off, reaching out and swiping along her cheek that’s got a fleck of bright red tomato sauce. Underneath my touch, I can feel her shudder.
It’s nice to know she’s still affected by me, just as much as I am her. Still. Even after everything, I have a part of her. A part that I never plan on giving up, no matter how far she pulls away from me.
“Graham…” She breathes, her eyes fixed on mine, something heavy passing between us.
I step closer until I’m a centimeter away, her breath fanning out on my lips. Her eyes are wide, her pupils dilated while her chest rises and falls with each breath. I can feel the chord of tension between us, ready to snap at any moment. Just as I lift my hands to cradle her face, a piercing cry breaks through the air. Emery jumps back like she’s been burned, and the moment is over.
“I’m… I’m s-s-orry, I can’t.”
Just like that, she’s gone. One step forward, two steps back.
Fuck.