I’ve tried to apologize more times than I can count, and she just nods and walks away. Leaving me standing there like an idiot.
Not to mention, in the next two weeks, I have to fly to Washington to meet my new coach and team, and then try to figure out how to pick up my entire life and move across the country.
The thought makes my stomach feel heavy with lead.
I don’t want to do this shit; I feel like my hand is forced. I feel like I’m backed into a corner, and all of my options aren’t what I want.
I don’t even want to think about it, let alone go through with it.
“Adams, you hear from Washington yet?” Briggs asks.
I nod. “Supposed to fly out the week after next to go meet the team and coach. I can’t even believe this shit is happening. A new fucking team.”
“Hey, we’ll miss the fuck out of you, Rookie, but you’re doubling down on your contract. They must have really wanted you to give that much,” Asher says, offering me his fist.
Bumping it, I shrug. “It doesn’t feel like it’s a good thing, it feels like a punishment. Of course, I knew it was an option, but I never expected to get traded without a word. I mean, my agent didn’t even call me until twenty-four hours before it aired on ESPN.”
“Things still weird with Em?” Asher asks.
“Yeah, things are still weird. I keep trying to talk to her, and do everything I can to help her, but she’s not interested. She won’t even look at me. I’ve been bringing home her favorite things from the bakery, and doing laundry, so there’s nothing for her to do, and taking extra shifts with the babies, and I feel like I’m getting nowhere. It’s just… all of this has made me question a lot of shit. Where my life is heading, my future.” Charlotte starts to fuss in the stroller, and I go to give her the pacifier, but Asher stands and walks over.
“My turn.” He smirks, reaching to lift her from the stroller. It’s funny seeing Asher with a baby, the tattoos adorning his arms make him look like a biker, not a hockey player. He’s so tall, if it wasn’t for his quiet demeanor, he’d be a hell of a lot more intimidating.
He sits back down on the bench with Charlotte in the crook of his arm, his ink on his arm stark against the pale pink of her blanket.
“You got to be the cool uncle, and now it’s my turn.” He grins down at her, taking her small fist in his finger.
“Hey dickhead, you’re not the favorite uncle, I am,” Hudson interjects, looking offended.
The entire scene is fucking hilarious, and a year ago…that was me. Fighting between the two of them over my Olive Juice. Now she’s too cool for her uncles and is chasing Evan around the playground, and I’ve got my own baby girls.
It feels full circle. All of it.
“Good thing there’s two then.”
Carrying Quinn over to Hudson, I gently set her in his arms, where she snuggles into him, causing him to smile.
Fuck, I’m going to miss these guys. They’re not just my best friends… they’re my brothers. The closest people in the world to me, besides Em, and my mom and sister. My entire life is about to change. These moments will be gone, and I’m going to be thrust onto a new team with guys I don’t know. I can’t imagine trusting anyone else with my daughters the way that I do them. I can’t imagine forming a bond with anyone else like I have with my brothers.
This is the girls’ first outing without Emery, and they’re here for it. They were her for their birth, and Emery’s pregnancy. All of the firsts, we’ve done together.
I was with my Olive you for all of her firsts, and now they’ll miss so many firsts.
It fucking hurts to think about leaving them.
I mean, how many firsts will I miss if I’m halfway across the country in another state? One too many.
“I don’t want to go to Washington,” I say, gazing back out at the playground. “It doesn’t feel right. None of this feels right. This is my home, and everything I love is here.”
“What are you going to do?” Briggs asks. “Hockey is your dream, man, it’s the same dream you’ve had since you were a kid.”
I don’t know.
I don’t know what the hell to do anymore. I know what I’m not going to do…. I’m not leaving Emery and my girls behind.
That I know for certain.
When I walk through the door with the girls in tow, both of them sleeping soundly in their car seats, Emery’s in the kitchen cooking dinner. It smells fucking delicious, and my stomach growls as a result. I’ve been thinking about food for the last hour, so I hope like fuck it’s not something healthy because I’m starving and I need the sustenance.