No time like the present. I rip it off like a band aid, my nerves be damned.
“I quit hockey.” I swallow thickly.
Fuck, I quit… hockey.
The sport I’ve played since I was old enough to hold a stick and wear a pair of skates. It brought me here, it gave me Emery and Charlotte and Quinn. Hockey gave me my brothers, it gave me a career, it gave me everything.
But now, I’m walking away.
“You what?” she screams, flying up from the couch, “I know I must’ve misheard you, Graham Adams. Did you just say you... quit… hockey?”
“Yep.” I smirk, crossing my arms over my chest, shrugging. “I quit hockey. Once the season’s over, I’m no longer an Avalanche.”
Emery squeezes her eyes shut, rubbing her temples as she tries to digest what I’ve just told her. When her eyes pop open, blistering angry blue, she shakes her head. “What did you do? What do you mean you quit?You quit hockey?”
She keeps repeating the words, and I laugh. “Yeah, babe, I quit hockey.”
Reaching behind her on the couch, she grabs a throw pillow and hurls it in my direction, “You big oaf, you did not just throw away your entire freakin’ career with the NHL. No, you did not, what is wrong with you.”
The pillow hits me square in the face, and I grunt. It’s followed by a bottle, that just narrowly misses my face as I duck.
“Jesus, Em, why are you throwing shit at me!”
“Because you’re an idiot, Graham Adams!” She pauses throwing shit at me to stalk forward until we’re toe to toe, and I can see how flustered she is. Her nostrils are flaring, her eyes widening. “You quit the NHL.”
“I. Quit. The. NHL.” I enunciate.
“WHY!?”
“Because I choose you. I choose Quinn. I choose Charlotte, and I’mnot fucking going to Washington.”
Pressing her hand to forehead, her blue eyes darken. “I need to sit down.”
She walks backward to the couch and flops down onto the plush cushion. For the first time since the twins were born, I see the real Emery.
I see my fucking girl, beneath the sadness and hurt, I fucking see her. I feel her. I feel her anger and her spirit, and while I hate that she’s freaking out, fuck, I’m so glad to see her.
I walk over to the couch and sit beside her.
“Em,” I say softly, reaching out and grasping her chin with my fingers to turn her head toward me. I want to see her when I tell her exactly what I’ve been holding in for such a long fucking time.
“I quit hockey because I am so fucking in love with you that I can’t even see straight. I quit hockey because my dreams are nothing without you.”
Tears well in her eyes as her hand flies to her mouth.
“You know, I thought I had it all planned out. I thought I knew exactly where my future was headed, until you. Until I realized that every version of my future includes you, Emery Davidson. I love you. I love you so much that your dreams, your happiness will come first, every time.”
Reaching out, I take her hand in mine. I can feel it shake as I lace my fingers in hers.
“I’m not going to Washington because I would never ask you to sacrifice your dream for mine, and I will never leave you behind. I thought that hockey was my future, but the truth is, you and the girls are my future and the choice was easy. It was a no-brainer, choosing my girls.”
“Grah-a-am,” she stutters tearfully, removing her hand from her mouth. “You can’t give up your dreams and your career for me, you can’t do this. I can’t let you do this. Graham, we’re not even officially together, you didn’t even ask me to go with you. You didn’t even give me the chance to say yes or no. Yes, of course I want to be here and become a partner at the firm, but I could take the bar anywhere. You made this decision and didn’t even discuss it with me. I can’t let you give up your dream for me. I just can’t.”
I shake my head, reaching out with my free hand and swiping away a tear from her cheek. “Baby, I’m not giving anything up. I’m not giving my dream up. Don’t you understand?Youare my dream. You and the girls are every hope and dream I’ve ever had, and until you walked into my life, I didn’t realize just how different my dreams had become. There’s nothing more I need in this world than the three of you. I want to build the biggest fucking house, and I want to marry the woman I can’t live without. I want to get a dog and watch our girls play in the front yard. I want to decorate for Christmas and take the girls to the fair. I want to be the dad my father was, present and attentive. I want to teach the girls to ride their bikes, and never miss a moment. I don’t want to travel, and miss all of their firsts, seeing my daughters only through FaceTime. I don’t want to have to miss you all of the time. I love hockey, I always will. It’s a part of who I am, but I can’t leave you and my girls. I can’t imagine walking away and leaving things how they are right now, and even if they were better, I want to be home and home is where you and my babies are. Without doubt, without question.”
For the first time since we met, I’m one hundred percent honest with her about how I feel. About my feelings for her, and about our future because I refuse to lose her. I need her to know that just because I’m giving up hockey, it doesn’t mean I’m sacrificing anything. My future is Emery and our daughters, and I’ll just keep saying it until she believes me, until she understands just how much she means to me. I’ll show her.
I pause, clearing my throat. “I know I fucked up by not telling you about the trade, trust me, baby, I know. I wasn’t hiding it from you, I had every intention of telling you, I just didn’t know that this was going to happen. I didn’t know until it was too late, and our babies were on the way. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the second I knew it was a possibility. I’m so fucking sorry I broke your trust, but Emery, it will never happen again. You are my partner, my girl, my best fucking friend and these last couple of months have killed me. Baby, I couldn’t even fucking touch you, and I have been losing my damn mind. I hope that you know now, there is nothing in this damn world I wouldn’t do for you, Charlotte, or Quinn. Nothing. This is me building a new dream with my family.”