“Oh Graham-m-m,” She sobs. Crawling into my lap, she straddles me, then grabs my face in her hands. “You crazy, wonderful man,” Her lips are on mine, and all I can taste is the salty tinge of her tears, and I vow to myself, right here and now, to never fucking be the cause of her tears, or her hurt, ever again. I can’t stand it.
I pull back, holding her wrists as she rubs her thumb along the scruff on my jaw that I’d taken to growing out recently. “You’re it for me, Emery. In every way, for the rest of my life, and couldn’t wait another second of you not knowing.. I’m quitting hockey, and I’m going to figure out what the hell my future holds, but I know it’s not away from you or my girls.”
“I… Graham, you can’t quit. It’s your career. You can’t quit forme.”She’s shaking her head adamantly, but I stop her, grasping her chin in my fingers and holding her stormy blue eyes with mine. “This is so crazy. I can follow you, wherever you go, we can figure it out. Washington, Canada, you name it and I can go. You can’t give up hockey.”
“I can. And I did. It’s done, Em. You deserve the world, baby, and now I’m going to give it to you. I know I made this decision without you, but it’s because I knew that you wouldn’t let me give up hockey, that you’d feel just as you do right now. That you’d feel some sense of guilt or responsibility, but don’t. That’s not what this is. Em, I did this because I know in my heart that it’s right. My dreams and hopes have changed, and without my family, it’s nothing.”
Biting her lip, she sighs then drops her forehead to mine. “This is crazy. Everyone will think you’ve completely lost your mind.”
I nod. “I know, but I don’t give a fuck. I love you, Emery. So goddamn much I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes.”
It feels so good to say it out loud, to finally say those words to her, even though I’ve felt them for so long.
“I love you too, Graham.” Her hands are holding my face, and the connection is one I’ve craved for fucking months. Just to be touched by the woman I’m head over heels in love with.
“I’m never letting you go, Emery Davidson. And right now, I’m going to start making up for all the time we lost over the past two months, all the days and nights that weren’t spent touching you.”
I drag my hands down her back to the swell of her hips, gripping each side in my fists. “And I have lots of making up to do.”
“Is that so?”
“Mhm,” I murmur, “speaking of… how did your doctor’s appointment go?”
I hate bringing it up right now, but I know how much she was struggling the last week or so, and it was killing me.
She sits back on my knees, tucking her hair behind her ear. “It went… okay. I think talking to someone will help. He started me on an antidepressant…” She trails off, looking away.
I can tell she’s embarrassed, especially with how pink her cheeks are.
“Hey, Em, Look at me.” I guide her gaze back to mine with my fingers on her chin. “Don’t hide from me. I want to know everything, baby, anything I can do to help.”
Clearing her throat, I can see the emotion in her eyes, and the mask of discomfort on her face.
“He diagnosed me with postpartum.”
Her voice is a whisper.
“Emery,” I mutter, pulling her into my arms, and against my chest. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me you were going through this until now? I knew you were struggling this week, but I didn't know just how bad it was.”
“I’m embarrassed, I feel like I’m falling as a mother, no matter what I do. I feel sad all the time, and I hate it. I hate that this is supposed to be the happiest moments of our lives, and I’m ruining it. I think it’s why I retreated so far into myself over the last couple of months, because I don’t know how to process the overwhelming emotions inside of me.”
I tighten my arms around her. Hell, even skin against skin, with her pressed against my chest, I feel like I can’t get close enough.
“Em, don’t ever be embarrassed around me. This isn’t something you can help, and you shouldn’t go through it alone. I’m here, baby, night or day. However I can help, just say the word.”
She shakes her head, swiping away stray tears that have fallen. “Has anyone ever told you that you are entirely too handsome and charming for your own good?”
I smirk and shrug nonchalantly. “Maybe a time or two.”
She slaps her hand over my mouth, and kisses my cheeks, then my jawline, my neck, until I feel myself getting hard beneath her as she fidgets above me.
Fuck, I feel like a teenager, but it’s been months since I’ve even been able to touch her, let alone kiss her or be inside her.
“Em…” I warn, “don’t start something you’re not ready to finish.”
“Mmm, who says I’m not going to finish it?”
And that’s when I decide that I’ve waited long enough to touch her. I stand with her still in my lap, and carry her bride-style into the bedroom. I’m not sure what’s going to happen in the coming weeks, my entire future has shifted and everything’s up in the air, but what I do know is that outside of this house, nothing else matters.
My girls are my future. My hopes. My dreams.
And I’m starting tonight by making sure she knows it.
“And you know I always play to win.”