God, I miss him. I hate that we’re practically strangers now. It feels wrong, but my heart also hurts. I hate that I miss him this much.
But I do. I miss him so much that it hurts. I don’t just miss his touch, or his lips, or the intimacy of us.
I miss laughing with him, and watching our favorite shows while eating a pint of ice cream. I miss holding his hand, and him spinning me around the kitchen.
Graham has become my best friend. And I never expected it, or planned for this to happen, but it did, and now my heart aches, and my head is more confused than ever. I miss my best friend. I miss being able to just talk to him. Coming back today was hard, harder than I ever imagined it would be and all I want is to confide in him, and lose myself in his strong embrace.
I “heart” the photo he sent, but don’t respond. Not trusting my emotionally-driven, hormonal heart to say anything to him. I spend the rest of the day lost in my work, and am already packed and ready to go when the clock hits five.
On the way out of the office, I pass by Robert’s office, and I see him gesture for me to step in, slowing down my hustle to get home to my girls. But I step into his office and plant a pleasant smile on my face.
“Emery, hello. I’m sorry I didn’t come and welcome you back, I feel like I haven’t had a chance to take a breath.” He smiles warmly, gesturing his hand to the seats in front of his massive oak desk.
As much as I don’t want to, because I want to leave to get home, I take a seat opposite of him, keeping the smile on my face.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal. I’ve been pretty busy most of the day myself.”
He nods. “How are your girls? Is everyone adjusting well?"
The truth sits on the tip of my tongue, but I bite it back before speaking. “Yes, we’re all navigating it together. The girls are angels, and Graham… well, he’s Graham. He’s a great father. I couldn’t do it without him.”
Even though we’ve barely spoken in the last couple of months, he’s done nothing but show up, day in and day out, for the girls. My heart may hurt, but he’s never once not been there for our babies, and that’s all that I could ever ask for.
“Good. I’m glad. I know you and Nate are set to have a meeting soon with Zack?”
I nod. “Yes, next week. Nate and I are meeting tomorrow to go over the notes and contracts that he’s been working on while I was on maternity leave.”
“Great. You know I’m really glad to have you back, Emery. You’re a great asset to Johnson & Sklelter, and that’s a fact. We saw in your absence how thorough and dedicated you are. I’ve said this before, but I mean it even more now, I can’t wait to see you flourish as an attorney.”
His words, at one point, would’ve made my entire day. Probably even my week, but now they feel… empty.. Unfulfilling, in a way that I would’ve never expected. It causes tears to fill my eyes.
“Thank you, Rob. That means a lot, especially coming from you.”
He waves his hand as if to say it’s nothing. “Get home to your girls. I just wanted to touch base with you and let you know that we’re excited to have you back.”
Rising, I nod. “Have a good weekend. I’ll see you on Monday.”
Leaving his office with fresh tears in my eyes, I walk to the elevator and step inside, finally letting the tears that I’ve held back all day, flow freely.
When I walk into the house, and set my briefcase down on the foyer table, the first thing I hear is Graham talking to the girls. It’s my favorite thing to witness, the special, soft, voice he reserves just for them, and it always does something funny to my stomach.
“You two girls and your mama are my world, do you know that? Your aunt Allie says that you look just like me, but every time I look at you, all I can see is your mama. She’s the most beautiful girl in the world.”
God, tears threaten to spill for the millionth time today. I can hardly bite back the emotion clogging my throat, constricting around my heart.
Hearing my heels on the hardwood, he looks up at me and smiles. “Hey Em. How was your first day back?”
The sight of him snuggling our baby girls, and being kind to me even after I’ve spent the last two months pushing him away, causes the tidal wave of emotions I’ve been holding to spill over.
My face crumples, and I cry. I cry the entire walk over to the couch, and I cry even harder when Graham sets the girls down and pulls me into his arms. They’re strong, and steady as they hold me. I inhale his scent, realizing just how badly I’ve missed this.
How much I needed this. Needed him.
His arms envelop my frame, holding me tightly to him and nothing has felt right, in so, so long. That seems to only make me cry harder.
I should pull away, push him even further away, but I don’t. I hold on, because for the first time in two months, I don’t feel so alone and overcome by hurt.
“Em, baby, what’s wrong? What happened?” Graham mumbles, his lips pressed against my hair as he holds me.