“Oh no, no, no.”I lift the phone back up to my cheek.
“Are you okay?”
“Oh, Char, I think I’m going to be sick.”That earns a couple sideward glances from people in the waiting room.So I step outside, winter weather be damned.I actually can’t even feel the chill, even with my open coat.I’m numb inside.Numb and humiliated beyond reprieve.
“Talk to me.Are you okay?”
“I—I—I—”
“Deep breath, sweetie.”
The kindness in her tone nearly upends me, and most definitely makes me forgive her earlier pessimism about my dating prospects.“Oh, Char, I’m going to have to move.”
“What?”
“I can’t stay living next door to this guy after this.”
“Okay.You have to tell me what the hell is going on.”
So I tell her all of it.How can I not?Because there’s no way I can figure out on my own how I might possibly save face after this.
“And he sent you a laughing emoji?”she asks at the end of my confession, as though for clarification.
“Yeah.”
“Well, at least he’s got a sense of humor.But since you deleted the part about your legs, you know if you see this guy again, he’s going to expect a fully shaved cooter.”
“What?”My face scrunches up until the meaning of what she’s saying sinks in.
“Yeah.That’s what women do these days, remember?Shave, maybe wax.There’s a whole industry built around well-coiffed hoo-hahs now.Come on—don’t you remember that from when you were single?”
I wither.“Oh, I could just die.”
“Right?You’re a mom.Who’s got time to shave anything but pits and legs in our crowd?”She laughs.
“How can you laugh about this?”
“Because outside of your utter humiliation which I truly sympathize with, it’s actually something you’re going to look back on and laugh about.”
“Maybe in ten years.”But not now, I add in my head.Now, not only did I come up with the worst excuse, I’ve also confessed to a man that I did it because I didn’t shave.And he quite possibly thinks I’m referring to shavingeverything.
I’m just not the type to use a veiled reference to my hoo-hah in a text to a man.
“Look, I kind of think you should just—”
My phone chimes again, and my heart skips a beat.I pull the phone away from my face without even letting Charlisa finish.
“FYI, shaving is not a prerequisite for a drink by the tree,” he writes.
My mouth gapes.“That was sent by accident,” I tap in as quickly as my fingers can type.“And it was my legs I was referring to,” I add.
Where is that blushing emoji when I need it?I scroll through all the stupid little images and can’t find it, so settle on the one with the head exploding since it’s about how I feel right now.
“I assumed that,” he replies with a winking emoji.
“Ava!”
I hear Charlisa’s voice, and I lift my phone back up to my cheek.“Char, I’m sorry.I’ve gotta go.”