When my clock hits 5:00pm, I shut it down for the day and leave. I don't even have to race out to avoid him tonight, because he never came to work.
Unlocking the door to my hotel room, I notice Addison’s still here. "Adds, have you been here all day?"
She shrugs. "Yeah. I was afraid if I left and went back to the apartment you wouldn't let me back in tonight. I want to be here for you. Hoes before bros and all that ish."
A smile creeps across my face for the first time today. I shake my head. "You're ridiculous."
"I know, and you love my ridiculous self."
"Keep telling yourself that, Adds."
"I will, it keeps me warm and fuzzy at night."
"So, how was today really? You said he never showed. How are you doing, for real? You haven't really said much about what happened."
"Honestly, I’m not sure. Part of me feels like breaking this thing up before it even gets started was the right thing to do, but the other half is questioning if I threw away a chance at happiness." I feel tears well up in my eyes and I will let them stay put. I shouldn't be crying over something that was my decision.
"Get over here and sit down so we can chat." I walk over to the couch and she pulls me into a hug. Tears erupt from my eyes like a gusher. I hang onto her, crying silently and letting every emotion scatter across my face in waterworks. She rubs small circles on my back to soothe me, but it doesn't help.
"I shouldn't be crying. It was my decision to end something that hadn't even happened yet. So, why do I feel like my crush broke up with me?"
"It's because you have real, human feelings for Weston, hon. You like him, maybe more than you think. You will get through this and I will be here the whole way. I have one question to ask you..."
Breathing deeply, I try to calm the tears flowing freely. "Okay..."
"Are you sure you want to stick with your decision? Positive, you don't want to try a relationship with him?"
My lower lip wobbles. "I don't know."
"So then maybe that's where we need to start. You need to figure out what you really want and if that's Weston Croix, then hon, you need to tell him."
"But how could he even want me after I was so cruel, so heartless toward his feelings? I feel like such a bitch. An indecisive bitch, but one just the same."
"Have you tried talking to him at all?"
"No." I shake my head. "I was going to respond to the email with his article today, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. What if he hates me?"
I thought through every single fear. Letting him in. Being my parents. Thinking about him with a woman who didn’t have a guard up. Who knows how to love him. Someone who isn't me, and for once I hate how I am. For once, I have the damn desire to try. For him.
My brain is spinning in a sea of emotions again and Adds sees it when she looks over at me. "Don't even go there. Don't think about it, Wyn," she warns, narrowing her eyes like she's reading my mind.
"But..."
"No, Wyn. You'll drive yourself crazy with the what-ifs. You need to figure out what you want. Either you want to do this thing with him or you want to leave things the way they are, broken. I recommend being damn sure you know exactly what you want before you involve him though, so think it over long and hard."
"How did I end up with such a smart best friend?"
She winks at me. "I guess you're a cool cat like that.”