ChapterFourteen
Wynter
Alone with mythoughts later that night, my mind wanders back to the conversation I'd had earlier today. I couldn't help but replay it repeatedly.
He'd told me he was falling for me.
He's mistaken. There can't be an us. Life is never easy for those with family names like ours. My parents had promised Frances a prominent position in the Carlisle empire if he put a ring on my finger. That’s when I realized he never really loved me. He liked what his hypothetical love could do for him.
The look on Weston’s face - the shock, hurt, betrayal... It will be a long, long time before that image is no longer burned in my mind. It had taken everything in me to steel myself and walk off that elevator when the doors opened. I wanted to stay there and comfort him.
I wait for the numbness, for the sleep to overcome me, but it doesn't happen. As I sit there staring at the ceiling, I wonder if what I'd done had been the right choice.
Yes, a tiny part of my brain answers. I’m not capable of love.
What will work hold for us the next day? How will I be able to face the person whose heart I’ve broken? How am I going to act normal when everything in me questions my decision to push him away without even giving him a chance to win me over?
I was cold to him. Not much different from my normal. I shut people out, it’s always been easier that way, but this time it felt wrong. My eyes wander to the couch where my best friend lies snoring. She hasn't left me since everything went down. She keeps looking at me like she's afraid I’ll break, shatter. Like she knows I've made the biggest mistake and that eventually I'll come to my senses.
She's been my number one fan, my biggest supporter, but something about this time feels different. Addison has been texting someone all day non-stop. I know it's not him, so it's probably Reece. I want to ask her how he's holding up. How Weston's doing, but that's giving him space in my brain to resuscitate him. The one thing I don't want to do.
The next morning,I wake up at my normal time, throw on workout clothes, and hit up a spin class. Maybe killing myself on a workout bike will make me forget. Forty minutes later I’m walking back to the hotel, past The Gardens, and I wonder if he's up yet. If he's getting ready for work. The front door to the lobby opens and my heart stops for a moment, but it immediately ramps up again when someone I don't know steps out.
Cameras flash.
Another celebrity.
Why do I keep thinking about him? For the first time in forever, I can’t seem to stop.
I guess I'm helpless not to, I'm drawn to him in ways I can't explain. I continue on my run back to the hotel and walk through the lobby. Breathing heavily as I wait for the elevator to take me up. I take half an hour to get ready and into work.
I watchas everyone comes in this morning. Holding my breath in anticipation of seeing Weston and knowing how he'd react to me. I wait, and wait. My eyes draw to his desk time and time again to see him, to know that he showed up. My columnists keep looking at me like I’ve lost my mind probably because my door is open instead of it’s normal closed state. A certain someone has kidnapped it, consumed with every thought of him. I wish we were friends, but I feel like most of them would be team Weston if they knew what had happened between us.
By the time lunch rolls around, I know he's not coming in. Anger and hurt assault me to the core. Gritting my teeth, I reach out to Addison.
Me:He didn't show up for work today.
Addison: Did you honestly expect him to? Wyn, the guy is so into you it's not even funny. You probably wrecked his heart.
Me: He knows people like us don't deserve love. We can't have it. Rich families don’t marry for love. My parents set me up with a fiancé when I was five. Luckily, my leaving the family business got me out of it, but still. It’s not about love with them. Weston and I come from big family names where love is a dirty word or the equivalent of power. I know I left it behind, but that life is still engraved in my bones.
Addison: I don't understand your thoughts. You aren't your parents, Wyn. You can change the cycle, do something new. Love who you want to love. Let him win your heart over.
Me: I don't think I'm capable of love.
Addison: I know you are. You've got an enormous heart, Wyn... you don't know how to use it.
Setting my phone down,I get back to work. My computer dings, alerting me to a recent email. The title of the article catches my attention first. "Learning to love: why young adults are so afraid to commit." My heart sinks, I know who's written this article before I even look at the sender. I read every single word in his article and I can't help but feel like Weston’s typed every word directly to me. He mentions fear, past love, family issues, doubts, and self-confidence.
I try to immerse myself in work after I finish reading to distract myself. It doesn't work. My brain tracks back and replays each word. I want to respond to his email and yell at him for calling me out, but he doesn't mention me. I feel called out because it's true.
Maybe I'm blinded by my own issues.
Perhaps throwing my chance at genuine happiness out the window is going to be my biggest mistake, but right now I'm protecting myself.
The rest of the day drags on. I'm constantly distracted. Lost in my own thoughts.
I broke it off with him. Not that we were even together, so why do I feel like I'm heartbroken? Something’s got to give, right?