Julia
As if by unspoken agreement, neither Wes nor I brought up Agent Curran or my ex-husband during the two-hour drive north. Instead, our conversation focused on my time in Hawaii, Lachlan, and the preparations he and Londyn had started making prior to welcoming baby number two in a few months.
I had to swallow down the hint of jealousy that built inside me at the reminder of my older brother having another baby this late in the game. At least for him. Then again, Londyn was still in her thirties. Regardless, a part of me stirred with emotion over the fact he and Londyn were able to have another baby. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option for me.
Or Lachlan.
Did he realize that?
Sure, I’d told him I couldn’t get pregnant, which had allowed us to dispense with condoms. But I didn’t go into any specific details.
Did he understand that it wasn’t simply because I was on the pill or had some sort of IUD that could be easily removed? That I’d done something more permanent?
Did he even want kids?
Would this be a dealbreaker?
There were so many things I didn’t know about him. So many important conversations we’d never touched on. Granted, it was still early in our relationship. But were we setting ourselves up for failure by not discussing all these things before jumping into…whatever this was?
“Earth to Julia…,” Wes sang, pulling me out of my increasingly unsettled thoughts.
I snapped back to the present, realizing Wes’ Range Rover had not only come to a stop, but was parked in the dirt lot in front of the large, log cabin-style building that served as the community hall for the summer camp Imogene had attended the past six years.
“Sorry. Guess I was daydreaming.” I flashed Wes a smile, then unhooked my seat belt and opened the passenger door.
“About Lachlan?” he teased as he jumped out of the car, walking around to join me.
“Something like that,” I answered, my voice lacking any sort of enthusiasm.
“Hey.” Wes touched my arm, gently turning me to face him. “Are you okay?” He dropped his voice. “I’m sorry for what I said back at the house. I didn’t mean to worry you. I just—”
“It’s okay. I’m glad you did. I asked for your honesty, and that’s what you gave me,” I assured him, not wanting to tell him what I was really thinking about. He’d think I was crazy for going there when Lachlan and I hadn’t even been together a month. What couple discussed kids so soon?
Then again, we weren’t most couples.
“Let’s stop worrying about it now.” I smiled. “For one day, let’s pretend there’s no Agent Curran. No Nick. No stupid necklaces. Or bracelets. Or anything else. We’re just a normal family living a normal life.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” He draped his arm over my shoulders and led me toward the community hall.
After we checked in, we were each given a visitor’s badge and allowed into the camp, which consisted of hundreds of acres of nothing but trees, lakes, and mountains.
Initially, I hated the idea of sending Imogene so far away for three weeks every summer. But my therapist suggested it as a way for me to cope with my separation anxiety, at least when it came to my daughter.
In the aftermath of Nick’s arrest, I tended to smother her, more so than normal. Anytime I heard so much as a floorboard creak in the house, I rushed to check on her, make sure she was okay. Hell, some nights I even crawled into bed with her, so damn terrified Nick would get revenge by having Imogene kidnapped.
It was what he did during our marriage, constantly controlling and manipulating me to do what he wanted by threatening to take Imogene from me. He may have never come right out and said the words. He didn’t have to. He showed me with his actions. With the stupid games he played.
So the thought of my daughter being hundreds of miles away where anything could happen nearly killed me. But my therapist assured me it was crucial for Imogene’s emotional development.
And mine.
“Mama!”
At the sound of the familiar voice, I darted my eyes toward the lake, easily spotting Imogene amongst the sea of teenagers and adolescents, all wearing the same t-shirt with the camp logo on it.
“Imogene,” I exhaled, as if a weight had suddenly lifted. That was what it felt like when I gazed upon my beautiful little girl, even if she weren’t so little anymore. She certainly didn’t get her height from me, considering she already had a few inches on me, even at the age of fourteen.
But I refused to think about whom she did get her height from.