Julia
Before I had a chance to allow any lingering reservations I had about Lachlan to fester and turn into something more, his lips landed on mine, reminding me why I wanted this in the first place.
Why I wanted him.
With one kiss, he made me feel desired.
With one sweep of his tongue, he ignited something inside me I’d assumed never existed.
With one kind word, he made me want to drown in everything he was and never come up for air.
After everything I’d endured, didn’t I deserve this?
Why was it so hard for me to let myself be happy?
Lachlan pulled back, his piercing, blue eyes meeting mine. “Don’t.”
I blinked, unsure how he could sense my unease.
Then again, that seemed to be a talent of his. Always able to pick up on my innermost thoughts and feelings without me uttering a single word.
Naomi’s annoying voice sounded in my head again, insisting it was because we were connected on a deeper level.
Maybe she was right.
Maybe that was why I was currently doing everything to sabotage my happiness, especially when it came to Lachlan.
Because everything about this, everything about him, absolutely petrified me. Now that all our cards were on the table, I feared the only thing protecting me from falling for him had been eviscerated.
“I can practically hear the battle inside your head.” He narrowed his gaze. “Trust me. I get it. This was never part of the plan. We weren’t supposed to know anything about each other.” He smoothed a tendril of hair behind my ear.
Everything about this man was contradictory, yet perfect. One minute, he was overcome with intense passion, his anger and anguish seeming to get the best of him. The next, he was gentle, tender.
“Since Piper died…” He swallowed hard, the pain from that loss obviously still affecting him, even if he wished it didn’t. “Let’s just say I’ve gotten really good at being someone I’m not. Thought it wouldn’t hurt so much. And after everything you’ve been through, I get the feeling you’ve also gotten damn good at pretending to be someone you’re not.” He arched a brow. “Am I right?”
I nodded subtly, doing my best to keep my emotions in check. For years, I had no choice but to keep it all inside. First with my adoptive mother, then with Nick. Emotions were merely something to be used against me. A commodity to be bargained for, mostly to my detriment.
“Tonight, I don’t want to be with the person you’ve pretended to be. And I’m not talking about just these past few days, but also for the last God knows how many years of your life.”
My heart thrummed in my chest as I searched his eyes. I wanted to remind him this wasn’t part of our agreement. That I’d insisted on keeping things light and meaningless for a reason.
But was that truly the case? Had this ever been just a meaningless fling? I doubted it. From the first time he rested his forehead on mine and we exchanged a breath, I felt more connected to him than I thought possible. Felt his pain, his heartache, his hope.
He cupped my cheek, his lips slowly inching toward mine. “And tonight, my beautiful Julia, I don’t want you to be with the same man I’ve forced myself to be. I know I may be asking a lot of you…and myself. Hell, I’m not sure I even know how to stop pretending, how to be who I really am. If I even know who that is anymore. But right now, I think we owe it to ourselves to try. So that’s what we’re going to do, Julia. We’re going to fucking try.”
He crushed his mouth to mine, heat, passion, and pain coursing through my veins. I wrapped my arms around his neck, urging him closer, to kiss me harder as my need for him grew to a fever I didn’t think possible. My head screamed to retreat, that this wasn’t a good idea. That there was a reason I’d kept my walls up. Because the instant I lowered them, my guard would be down.
And that was when bad things happened. They always did.
But I was so tired of being that person. Of always pretending I was okay. Of having to keep everyone out so he couldn’t use them to get to me.
For the first time in my life, I was with someone who wanted to be with me. The real me. And I was going to enjoy this all the way to the proverbial scene of the crash.
“Bedroom,” I exhaled once he tore his lips from mine, his mouth trailing a torturous line down my jaw and to my neck.
“Eager much?” he teased as he nibbled on my earlobe.
“Just looking out for you,” I said through my labored breaths, squeezing my thighs together. “You did promise me eight orgasms. It’s probably best we get started now. Don’t you think?”