She did not feel likehisAlice. Touching her suddenly felt wrong and he longed for the feelings he had felt the last time he had touched her. When she had touched him back and they had shared a night together like none he had ever experienced before. Yet he feared any chance for that was gone.
“What happened between us was serious,” he announced, determined and stubborn. He would not allow this to be the end.I cannot give this up,he realised, knowing that if he allowed Alice to walk out of that door without at least trying to make her see, then he would have failed them both. “It meant something to me, Alice.”
She clearly heard the affection in his voice because her eyes softened. They became sympathetic. And Thomas saw the way her lip began to quiver. He wanted to say more but no matter how hard he tried; he could not find the words. He could not admit the true extent of his feelings. The words would just not come to him.
So instead, he kissed her.
For just a moment, she kissed him back. Then, just as suddenly as their lips had connected, they parted ways. Alice stepped back, crossing her arms over her chest, and Thomas saw the tears that glistened in her eyes.
“I cannot do this!” she declared, and, in an instant, she had turned toward the door.
“Alice! Wait!” Thomas called after her. He reached for her, but the petite young woman was faster than she looked. She made it to the door before he had even managed to turn on his heels. All he could do was watch, helpless, as she yanked the door open and disappeared. The way she slammed it behind her had likely woken half the manor and yet Thomas could think of nothing but their argument.
Why could not I just be honest with her?he thought, scolding himself for not even being able to admit the truth to himself. For so long, he had been pushing everything down.
He had been on autopilot, fixing the problems left by his late father, only ever managing to stay one step ahead of everything, focusing on his business and not allowing himself to ever think of anyone too romantically. Now that he had finally come to realisation that Miss Skeffington was the only woman, he wanted to be close to, it was too late.
Though he knew it was impossible, Thomas felt that he could hear Alice weeping all the way from her own room. Even worse, he felt as though Miss Hyatt was lying in her bed, chuckling to herself on a job well done. Rachel could never have been so forward-thinking or so callous, and yet Thomas needed somebody to blame. If not for her arrival, things might have gone terribly differently that evening.
Closing his eyes, Thomas imagined what it might have turned out like. He thought of how smoothly things might have gone if Alice had been unhurt at dinner, if she had simply agreed to meet him after everyone else retired. He imagined what it might have been like to make love to her again.Perhaps it is a good thing Rachel showed up,he realised with nausea in his throat,or I might have ended up doing something I’d regret.
Perhaps if all had gone well, Thomas might have found himself betrothed by morning. A shiver passed through him at the thought, and he decided it was best to shake off everything that had just happened, forget that the evening had even occurred. Maybe by morning, the rain would have stopped, and they would all be able to part ways and get on with their lives.
For now, though, Thomas was stuck in limbo, and all he could do was clamber back into bed for a sleepless night of tossing and turning.