Chapter 21
By morning, nothing had changed. Alice still felt terrible, and the heavens were still open. The day was even greyer than the day before, the rain just as heavy, leaving Alice in an even worse mood than before. She had slept fitfully, waking almost every hour with thoughts of her argument with the earl.
Breakfast did little to help her mood. Sitting at the head of the table with Nancy, Alice tried her best to ignore everyone else though she could sense Lord Warrington and Miss Hyatt sitting close together, talking as though there was not anyone else in the room.
It was awkward and frustrating, and Alice wanted nothing more than to leave, not just the breakfast room but Kendall Hall. If not for the terrible weather, she might well have fled the manor the night before, begging her mother for them to be on their way.
Thankfully, this morning, Lady Skeffington appeared happy enough to be the barrier between her daughter and Lord Warrington. Nor did she insist upon Alice making conversation with Mr Gouldsmith who sat opposite them. Alice was more pleased that the gentleman appeared uninterested in her, though a part of her felt foolish for having disregarded his company in favour of Lord Warrington’s.
“Are you well, Alice?” Nancy asked well into breakfast. “You have barely touched your food.”
Alice glanced down at the plate in front of her and saw that her friend was right. She had been absentmindedly picking at the plate of eggs, cold meat and fruit that had been placed before her.
Only a quarter of it had actually made it into her mouth and when she had swallowed, she had barely tasted a morsel, too downcast to really pay attention to anything. After the night before, she was feeling numb. Which was preferable to the anger and pain she had been experiencing before she had managed to fall into a fitful sleep.
She could feel Nancy watching her. The knowing look on her friend’s face suggested she knew exactly what was going on. Alice could not bring herself to admit it when her friend was so good at putting two and two together.
“I’m fine,” Alice lied, skewering a grape with her fork to pop it into her mouth. She forced herself to chew, flinching at the way the juicy berry burst in her mouth.
She was most relieved and slightly disappointed when Nancy did not press her further. She remained quiet until the end of breakfast when everyone began to depart to find things to keep themselves occupied. Her gut churned when she heard Miss Hyatt requesting that Lord Warrington give her a tour of the house so that she might feel less lost. Her only relief was that Miss Hyatt’s aunt insisted upon chaperoning them.
Finally, she found herself sitting alone at the table with her mother and she could not help but blurt, “Mother, the rain is not quite so bad as it was yesterday. Perhaps we ought to leave before it picks up again. It is only a short carriage ride home.”
Her mother did not respond quite away, leaving Alice with no option but to lift her gaze and look at her. The moment she did, she saw the answer written plainly on her mother’s face. “Alice, I am afraid I will not leave until you have entertained the idea of a suitor.”
Alice’s stomach flipped and bile rose so heavily in her throat that she thought she might throw up what little she had eaten for breakfast.
“Am I to be forced into a marriage I do not want?” Alice asked, unable to keep her fears to herself any longer. It had been months since her mother had been forcing men onto her, trying to get her to share their company at every opportunity. This week had been the last straw and Alice needed the truth laid out directly in front of her.
Lady Skeffington’s face paled. Her mouth dropped open in shock. Alice felt guilty the moment she saw her mother’s reaction. “Your father and I would never force you into anything though we do wish for you to find a man to love.”
Alice opened her mouth to respond but her mother continued, “Your father and I fear you will not do that without a little persuasion.”
“Is it truly necessary?” Alice asked, feeling the colour and heat draining from her own face. Deep down she knew the answer.
“For a happy and easy life, yes.” Her mother nodded firmly.
“What if I refuse to find love because I am scared of marriage?” Alice asked. She spoke the words without really thinking them, allowing them to come from the deepest, darkest parts of her soul for the first time in her life, “What if I am scared that it will all go wrong?”
Sympathy washed over her mother’s face then and her hand landed on top of Alice’s on her lap. She squeezed her fingers gently and looked as though she was about to speak but she did not get the chance. Nancy swept into the room so suddenly that Alice’s spine almost crumpled with shock.
“Alice, that is absurd!” Nancy announced, proving that she had heard everything that Alice had said. The fact caused Alice to cringe. “Forgive me for eavesdropping but I was just on my way back from ensuring that all the guests are comfortable, and I could not help overhearing. I have to say you are absolutely absurd, Miss Alice Skeffington!”
Both Alice and her mother opened their mouths to object, but Nancy swept up to stand between them and demanded, “How can you possibly be frightened of marriage when your parents have such a loving one? Not to mention myself and Owen! You have surely seen how happy he makes me!”
“Of course, I have seen it,” Alice responded though Nancy appeared not to hear.
“We know your problem, Alice, it is that you are too independent,” the viscountess continued, her usually ice blue gaze now alight with emotion. “You are too independent, and it is infuriating because you cannot see that you could still be independent with the right man!”
“Alice, Nancy is right,” Lady Skeffington agreed, nodding her head, and brushing back a stray strand of greying hair from her face, “If you find the right man, he will allow you your independence just like Lord Kendall has done for Nancy and your father has done for me.”
“I do not want a man toallowme anything!” Alice snapped, feeling backed into a corner. She was used to her mother and her closest friend ganging up on her but after the night she’d had with Thomas, she could not bear to sit and listen to it.
“Perhaps allow is not the best word to use,” Nancy said, her voice softening. She then dropped down into a crouch beside Alice’s chair and took hold of both her hands. “Alice, the right man will give you the opportunity to be yourself, to have everything you could ever wish for and more, just as Owen has done for me.”
Alice closed her eyes, taking in her friend’s words. They eased her only slightly, allowing her to think of what it might be like to actually enter into a good marriage.
“All you need to do is find the right man,” her mother insisted, and Alice opened her eyes to look at them both. How could she possibly tell them that she had found the right man, yet he was sitting just out of reach?
Her heart broke at the thought. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was his handsome face, all she could think about was how he had kissed, and she had run away.