I’m out of the house before I even know I’ve moved.
My chest heaves as I stand in the middle of the driveway, staring at Stella’s Porsche.
It’s not until footsteps hit the gravel behind me that I drag myself out of my daze.
“Where is she, arsehole?” I growl when I find Toby staring at me, his cheek glowing red from my hit.
“Safe. Away from you, away from him. Away from all this shit.”
“I need her,” I confess in a moment of weakness.
“That may be true, but she doesn’t need you. She’s better off where she is. She’s safe.”
“Whatever,” I mutter, taking off across the driveway.
My body aches with every step I take. Barely sleeping on a fucking row of chairs for two weeks is starting to take its toll.
“Do you want a lift home?” Toby calls out. Always the fucking good guy.
Flipping him off over my shoulder, I keep moving, feeling more and more hopeless as each second passes.
I walk home.
Well, to Theo’s. It’s been more of a home to me in the past few years than my own has.
Walking inside and seeing that almost everything was exactly as it was before we left that morning makes my chest ache.
While everything in my life has been turned upside down, the rest of the world is still spinning like it always does.
Raiding the cupboard, I find a bottle of vodka and take it to my room with me, grateful there’s something here other than that bottle of Jack.
I wince as I drag my hoodie over my head and throw it in the direction of the laundry basket—although based on the smell radiating from it, I should probably take it outside and burn it.
I strip down to nothing and twist the top of the bottle as I walk through to the bathroom.
I can’t remember the last time I ate anything decent, so the second the liquid hits my belly, I swear I start to feel the effects.
I crave it. The numbness, the nothingness.
I need to forget.
Her.
Us.
All of it.
The hot water rains down on my head, yet I don’t release the bottle. I just stand there, letting the scent of the sterile hospital wash off me as I prepare for the darkness the vodka is going to provide me with.
I don’t get out until the bottle is done, and only then do I put it down, abandoning it on the counter beside the basin.
Absently, I drag some clean clothes on and I’m out of the house long before Theo might return from school and training.
My head is already starting to swim, my limbs feeling heavy as I make my way down the street and to the closest shop to get another bottle.
* * *
My surroundings spin and my stomach clenches with its need for food, not just alcohol, as I sit, resting my head back and staring up at the dark sky.