It’s not the first time he’s tried convincing me of that, but all these days on, I’m still not buying it.
“You’re right,” I say. This isn’t all on me. “It’s his fault too,” I spit, thinking of her father.
He’s the reason she ran from the house. He’s the reason she ran straight into whoever that motherfucker was who cut her up with her own fucking knife.
The only thing I don’t know is why.
The lift dings at the other end of the hall and Alex emerges with a bag of food hanging from his arm.
“Here,” he says, passing it straight to me. “Any news?”
“She’s awake. Freaked the fuck out and kicked us out,” Theo answers for me as I rummage around in the bag for the energy drink I know is going to be in there.
What I really need is a bottle of vodka and a joint, but I’m already on the nurses’ shit list so I don’t think I’ll get away with that.
“Oh shit. Is she okay?”
“As far as we know. The nurse hasn’t come out yet.”
Cracking open the top of the can, I down the contents in one.
“How was school?” Theo asks.
“Yeah, you know. Same as. You should both have emails with this week’s assignments.”
“Great,” I mutter, ripping open the packaging of a premade sandwich. I could really do with something hot, but the last time Nico turned up with McDonald’s, Janice, the scary fucking nurse, almost had a cow about the smell. So unless I leave—which is out of the question—I’m stuck with this shit.
Stuffing it into my mouth, I chew without even tasting it.
I’m running on fucking empty.
I’m refusing to leave so I can protect her, but the fact of it is that if someone turned up here to get her, they could probably squash me like a fucking fly right now.
I need sleep. I need decent food. Hell, I need some fucking real sunlight, not just the tiny bit that comes through the window in her room.
Dropping the empty packet into the bag, I sit back, resting my head against the wall and closing my eyes.
“You really need to—”
“Don’t,” I snap, halting Alex’s attempt to repeat Theo’s earlier concerns. “I know what I need to do. And I’m fucking doing it.”
Silence ripples around me when they both thankfully decide not to argue with me. They do this daily, and it hasn’t fucking worked yet. You’d think they’d have got the message by now.
Theo sits with us both for thirty minutes, catching up on shit from Alex before he ducks out to get some real food and sleep in an actual bed.
The nurse emerged from Stella’s room before he left, saying nothing aside from a very strict warning not to even attempt to go in there.
I fucking hate following orders, but the threat of being kicked out for good is a little too real.
Being out here sucks when I should be sitting beside her bed, but being banished to the car park would be worse.
“Do you need anything?” Alex asks, breaking the unbearable silence.
I’ve told them that they don’t need to sit here with me. They’re more than welcome to continue on with their lives. But being loyal to the core, they’ve organised some kind of schedule between them so that someone’s always here.
I appreciate the support more than I could ever express.
“Nah, I’m good.”