The other gifts downstairs were incredible. Axel had given me a yoga mat for outside so I didn't have to clean mine off before I could bring it in the house. There was a pretty dress that Ines had apparently picked out online, and although it was frilly and pink, I knew I'd wear it more than anything else in my closet. When it came to Ryker, I didn't know whether to hug him or smack him.
His actions all day, his constant attentiveness and making sure that I didn't lack for anything would have earned him a hug.
If it hadn't been for what I knew was a ridiculously expensive necklace hanging around my neck. The wire was twisted by hand, an intricate rose gold wrapping around the slice of lilac geode that hung from a rose gold chain. It was stunning.
It was completely me.
It was also way too much.
By the time Ryker stepped into the bedroom from the bathroom, I felt ready to explode. I wanted the necklace, as it was one of the most thoughtful gifts I'd ever received. I imagined it had cost more than my engagement ring from Chad, and that just made me feel like a kept woman.
I didn't like the feeling, especially not in the wake of his nightmare.
"What's wrong?" he asked, eyeing the fact that I still wore the dress Ines had given me.
Reaching up behind me, I unclasped the necklace and cradled it. "I can't accept this, Ryker. I didn't want to make it into a thing in front of the kids."
He held out his hand, letting me drop the necklace in his palm. "I thought you liked it."
"It's beautiful, but I'm not okay with the message it sends. I think it's dangerous to encourage the kids to see us like that."
His face hardened, and that steely look I was learning to fear just a little took over his eyes. "And what message is that?"
"It's not okay that they think I'm your whore! That's how the rest of the world will see this, and eventually my children will be old enough to understand what that means," I said, my frustration bleeding through every word. "I understand that there is probably a reason you can't be with the woman you want, but I don't appreciate being kept on the sidelines like a consolation prize. I will not live my life being second place to another woman."
"Another woman?" he growled. "That's what you think this is? Me keeping a convenient pussy on hand while I try to land the one I really want?"
"If the shoe fits, Ryker," I snapped. I went to the closet, grabbing the spare blanket off the shelf to go sleep on the couch again.
"If I wanted a convenient pussy, I wouldn't have picked you. You are far from convenient," he grunted, stepping in front of the door to block me in.
I huffed a laugh. "Oh, I'm sure. I made you work so hard for it, having sex with you less than a week after you moved me in. Totally inconvenient of me to make you wait a whole five fucking days!"
Ryker stepped forward, closing a little of the gap between us. "I love those kids. But if you were just a convenient pussy, I wouldn't have picked a woman with kids, Calla. I'd have picked a woman I could bend over my kitchen counter and fuck whenever my dick got hard."
"Do I look like her?" I whispered, and the thought was too painful. To think his seemingly endless attraction to me might be a lie he created to recreate being with someone he couldn't have gutted me, and that was the moment I realized just how deeply I'd fallen into his trap.
All the whispered promises and affectionate touches had reduced me to a blubbering mess who couldn't think about anything other than how good it felt to pretend I was loved.
"There is no her! Fuck, what got into your head that made you think there was?"
"Your nightmare. I told you, you said 'not her' and when I asked about it, you wouldn't talk to me. What am I supposed to think?"
He sighed, stepping over to the dresser and pulling a small box out of his sock drawer. My heart thumped in my chest when he tugged me into his chest and wrapped his palm around the front of my throat, using it to lift my head to meet his eyes. There was something terrifying about the hold, all that power wrapped around one of the most vulnerable parts of me that should have sent me scrambling away.
But no matter what, I trusted Ryker with my body. I trusted he wouldn't hurt me.
That didn't come easily, but there it was.
"There's no one else," he whispered. "The dream was about you. I just need to know you're all in before I take that leap into talking about my family and my history. Even though the nightmare was about you, the nightmares themselves come from my childhood. I can't explain one without the other. Can you understand that? I can't open up to you about that until I know you won't use it against me."
"Then where have you been the last few days? I thought you'd realized that she was the one you wanted—"
"Fuck, Sunshine. You're killing me. The timing was shit, completely, but I was working. Matteo has a job he needs me working on, that's all. I don’t want anyone else." I sagged, feeling the truth in those words as they struck me. His thumb caressed my jaw before going to my lip to toy with it.
"I just, I don't understand what this is. This isn't normal. I shouldn't like you. I-I shouldn't want you."
"But you do," he whispered, hauling m