I watched the gears turn in her little face, wondering how she could get out of swimming since she so desperately didn’t want to go in that pool. But Ryker had declared that it was time to push her to face that fear.
For once, I agreed with him. She needed to know how to swim, especially if we lived in a house with a massive pool.
“Want call ‘yker, Daddy,” she murmured, and I felt my face pale. It wasn’t the first time she’d expressed her confusion over Ryker’s place in our lives, and I couldn’t blame her.
Even I felt confused.
“I don’t know how to answer that, sweetheart,” I whispered as I knelt in front of her. “It’s complicated, but it’s a big decision. I can’t tell you how to feel about Ryker.” I paused, watching her lips purse as she stared up at me. I knew she didn’t have a clue what I was trying to tell her. How did one explain to a two-year-old that the man who acted like her father, wasn’t her father? He hadn’t been in our lives long enough to earn that title.
At least not that Ines knew about.
“Just know that it’s a big step. Think hard before you say those words, okay?” I asked. When she nodded and scrunched her nose up in concentration, I stood and held out a hand. If nothing else, I hoped our little moment would distract her from her fear.
But her feet didn’t budge, holding firm when I tried to guide her out of her bedroom. With a sigh and a smile, I reached down and scooped her into my arms.
She clung to me, desperately, as we made our way down the hall and stairs. Long before the pool even came into sight, she tightened her grip and held on for dear life. By the time we walked into the humid pool room, I’d already begun to second guess my decision that I needed to push her.
I never wanted my girl to be scared, and I definitely never wanted to cause it.
“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea,” I said, trying to ignore Ryker in favor of staring at my son. I knew without a doubt, that if I looked at Ryker with water dripping down his chest, my libido would flare to life.
I always wanted to wrap myself around the meatball like I was spaghetti.
And I’d officially traumatized myself with that thought.
“She’ll be fine, Sunshine,” he said, that deep voice finally drawing my eyes over to him. It made no sense. I’d seen him in less clothing than swim shorts. I’d seen him naked, for shit’s sake, even if I hadn’t examined his body. It wasn’t like it needed a microscope to get the overall picture.
But something about him standing in the pool with the water lapping at his abs as he walked toward us made my body sing.
Why hadn’t we ever gone for midnight swims?
How did one man make water droplets look lickable?
I set Ines to her feet, knowing from the previous year that if she walked in on her own it was less traumatic for everyone involved. Going down a few of the steps, I sat there and patted the space next to me for her to join me.
Sitting on the steps seemed easy enough, and it hadn’t been an option in the little pool Jason had set up for me the year before.
“Come on, sweetie. Just come sit with me. That’s all I want from you today,” I murmured, keeping a bright smile on my face.
She shook her head at me, backing up a step as if I might reach out from the pool and drag her in.
Ryker stepped up to the edge of the pool, holding out his arms dramatically. “Come on, Princess,” he said. “I won’t let you fall.”
She watched him, not moving for a moment before she looked at me. Her face was conflicted, as if she could feel how much it would kill me to have my daughter choose Ryker over me in that moment. Still, I smiled and nodded her on. “Go on, Ines.”
Stepping forward slowly, she let Ryker gather her in his arms and step away from the edge. He held her high enough that only her feet touched the water.
Standing from the steps, I dove into the water and let the pressure drown out the threat of tears. When I surfaced, Ines had water up to her knees as Ryker led her deeper and deeper slowly.
Axel seemed to take pity on me, coming up and wrapping his arms around my stomach so he could hug me tight. “She told him she loves him,” Axel whispered, and I knew without a doubt he didn’t want Ryker to hear our conversation. My boy was to
o smart not to notice that Ryker and I never said the words to one another, especially if the kids had said them to him.
“And what about you, Cookie Monster?” I asked, booping his nose as I forced a smile to my face. “Have you told him that?”
“Not yet,” Axel said in return. “Have you?”
“Have I what?” I grinned, hoping to all that was holy that he was not asking me that question.