"Tesoro," he whispered, dropping his fork and taking my hand in his. "One day soon, you'll have a very clear understanding of what your place in my life is. But I can see that you're shaken, and you aren't ready for me to ask you just yet. I still have one thing left I need to do before I can ask you, but I want you to think about what you need from me. What you need to know to move forward from here."
I nodded like I understood, but I didn't.
I had no clue what he could want to ask me, and I couldn't let myself think about it too hard.
At least not if I wanted to stay sane. I went back to my primavera, even if it seemed tasteless after Ryker's oddly vague statement that felt like it should have been a revelation.
But I was not going there.
Ever.
Twenty-Nine
Calla
I didn't have an enormous family. I'd never had cousins or siblings or anything beyond my one aunt. There had never been a ton of adults to play with me at family get-togethers.
Seeing my son run around on the grass of the Bellandi estate as the men chased him felt surreal. So much attention fixed on him, so much of what any onlooker who didn't know better would call love.
I knew it couldn't be. Everyone but Ryker had only met him a couple hours prior, but there was no mistaking the joy on Axel's face. There was no hiding the way he flourished under all that attention. He squealed when Enzo hauled him up into his arms and tossed him over his shoulder as he ran away from Lino where he chased them. Next to me, Samara watched and held her stomach. I remembered what it was like to be pregnant and to look forward to all those little moments.
I knew what it was like to take them for granted once they came, because the stresses of everyday life took from those precious times. It made me not see them for what they were. Watching my son laugh when Ryker stole him from Enzo was one of those moments, somehow meaningful even if I didn't understand how it could be.
Ivory turned to me, dropping Luna into my arms gently so I had no choice but to grasp her hips and tuck her into me. With her propped up on my hip, I tried not to look down at the little baby face that stared up at me, but when she grabbed a fistful of hair, there was no choice. I swallowed. I would swear I could feel my ovaries pulsing with the desire for another baby, but I was not ready to go there.
Probably not ever.
Luna gurgled at me, and I knew from conversations with Ivory that she was almost six months. "Hi," I said awkwardly.
I would not go into baby love mode.
I would not go into baby love mode.
She laughed up at me, and I felt the smile take over my face.
Shit.
"I hate you," I said, turning my attention to Ivory. She chuckled warmly, patting my arm as if she understood exactly how I felt. She couldn't possibly. Her baby was still a baby.
My first baby was six, and my youngest was already two. It felt like my heart tore out of my chest every day when I realized how much time had passed and that I would never get to relive those years with them. It went by too quickly.
"He's so different with you. With them," Ivory said pointedly, her eyes on the boys in the field. Even Matteo and Scar had joined in on the fun, though they'd taken to sitting at the edge and picking flowers out of the flower bed with Ines instead of running around. My daughter sitting with Matteo Bellandi and picking flowers from his immaculately groomed property was both terrifying and awe-inspiring. He’d cut the thorns off the roses before handing them to her, meticulously grooming the stems so they’d be safe for my girl to handle.
The juxtaposition between the sweetness of the action and the horrifying sight of the monstrous knife he pulled from his pocket only added to the conflict inside me.
That knife had probably cut people.
I turned my attention away from them to focus back on Ivory. "What do you mean?" I asked, bouncing Luna and making funny faces at her while she giggled in that hilarious way that only babies could ever achieve.
I dared anyone to not smile in the face of baby laughter.
It was impossible.
/> "I've known him for a while now, and he's always quiet. Reserved. He doesn't speak much, and when he does, he just says what he needs to say and that's it. Blunt. To the point," Ivory explained.
"I worried for you a little, when Lino told me that Ryker wanted to claim you. I always thought he was cold, ruthless. They all are to some extent, but not with us. I wasn't so sure that Ryker could shift to another personality. I didn't think there was another personality with him," Samara admitted, rubbing a hand over her belly. She finally looked at me, and there was a serene smile on her face. "But there is. He is more than I ever could have dreamed of for you."
I shrugged. "It's nice that he treats us well."