“There’s something wrong with you,” I muttered to him where he stood, watching Ines dart around the room happily and hug all the toys she didn’t recognize like she needed to greet them each individually.
“I am not above buying them nice things so they never want to leave,” he whispered back, and his arm rounded my waist so he could pull me into his side.
I wanted to stab him. Wanted to watch him suffer for giving my kids something so perfect when they could never keep it. “It’s a little over the top.”
“Does it look like they’re complaining?” he asked, and he guided me back to the hallway to peek into Axel’s room where he was already driving his cars down the ramp. “You got homework, Buddy?” Ryker asked him, and Axel looked up at him and pursed his little face.
My boy loved homework, and I’d never seen him look even remotely disappointed that he would have to do it before. “Yeah,” Axel answered.
“Ten more minutes and then we’ll see if we can’t get it done before dinner.”
“Okay, Ryker,” Axel chirped happily in response. My eyes went to his backpack that he’d tossed to the floor carelessly, and I wanted to cry. It seemed like the perfect analogy for our lives in that moment.
Discarded without thought.
“Axe, we should talk about—”
“Please don’t make us go home,” he whispered, and my nose burned. “It’s awesome here. Ryker will protect you from the bad guys. Can we stay?”
The fact was, even if I wanted to go home, we didn’t have a home. There was nothing waiting for us, no shelter to protect us from the storm that was Ryker as he tore our life apart. Still, I couldn’t help but caution my son before he got too attached. “This isn’t how these things normally go, sweetie. I just want you to be realistic. It might not work out, and I don’t want you to be disappointed.”
“But when we came in, Ryker said this was our home now too. Our house makes you sad. Have you seen your room? I’m sure it’s amazing too!”
“I’m sure it is,” I said, even if I had no intention of sleeping in it. Ines’s bed looked big enough for me to curl up with her. I didn’t have it in me to kill his dreams of staying in that room. Not when he so desperately wanted to stay and the house that made me sad was gone anyway.
Traces of Chad were everywhere, even a year later. It felt like walking into a tomb every time I went into our bedroom, but that didn’t make it okay that Ryker would use things and toys and furniture to turn my children against me and buy their affection. That my son would so easily give in to Ryker’s story about protecting us was like carburetor cleaner sprayed on an open wound, burning away at my fragile sense of self. I’d thought of myself as a somewhat successful single mother and thought I’d given my kids a sense of safety if nothing else.
Apparently, I’d been wrong.
I couldn’t even begin to understand how much money he’d spent designing those rooms. We went into the hallway to give Axel a little privacy as he played, waiting for Ines to be ready to go downstairs. “If your room has a cage and chains, I swear I’ll kill you,” I snarled at him.
“Why would I have a cage in our bedroom?” He seemed genuinely confused that I’d suggest such a thing, and that he so clearly didn’t understand the position he’d put me in was overwhelming in itself.
“Because I’m obviously a prisoner here,” I spat at him. “You’re even using my kids to do it.”
He chuckled darkly, reaching out a hand to cup my cheek as he stared down at me and his blue eyes darkened in the absence of the kids. There was a moment where something flashed through his expression, like the hint of a dark place that threatened to pull him under, but he shook it off the next moment and his eyes blazed in desire again. “Sunshine, I don’t need a cage to make you mine. I think I’ve proven that.” He released me as suddenly as he’d touched me, stepping back and turning to go down the hall. “Come down when you’re ready.”
If it had been only me, that would have been never, but I knew it was only a matter of time before Ines got hungry, and a hungry terror was not something I needed to deal with.
I slumped against the wall, letting my head bang against it while I waited for the kids to emerge from their private oasis.
There was something wrong with that man.
???
Bedtime was always a nightmare. Axel needed a shower. Ines needed a bath. Each kid wanted their own bedtime story in their bed.
As much as I loved the quality time with them, their staggered bedtimes didn’t help matters. It was late by the time the kids had eaten and settled down from the excitement of pizza for dinner that had pushed them over the edge.
We didn’t eat out much, didn’t do the takeout thing. So many food options were difficult for me since I didn’t eat meat, so it just became easier to cook my own meals. Chad hadn’t been pescatarian, but without him the kids had slowly just started eating everything I cooked since making two meals was miserable. I couldn’t even remember the last time they’d had pizza, and I felt horrible for that.
With the additional full bath in the master, Axel had darted in to take his shower while I got Ines through her bath in their shared bathroom. It felt strange to see the bedtime routine cut in half, and by the time Axel came charging down the hallway in his pajamas, I was already pulling a very cranky princess from the bathtub and towel drying her hair.
“Pick out your story!” I called out to Axel.
“Okay!” he hollered back, a
nd I resisted the urge to smile at Ines. She scowled at me when I pulled her princess nighty over her head.