I fought down the vomit that threatened at the smell of bacon as I made Scar breakfast. I didn't want him to know that cooking has become a chore. That I couldn't even enjoy that anymore, because the smell of food made my stomach roll. I couldn't have him reporting how ill I'd gotten to Matteo.
Despite hiding it, I knew the moment the doorbell rang, knew my time was ending.
The problem was, I was no closer to deciding what to do with myself. No closer to deciding if I'd ever be able to forgive Matteo for what he'd done. My hand rubbed my stomach out of habit, as if the baby could give me all the answers.
It surprised me he'd given me a few days. I didn't know if that was a sign that he was having second thoughts, or if I should look at it as a gift he gave me out of true remorse.
Scar nodded at me when he looked through the hole in the door, confirming what I already knew. I nodded back, even though I knew it was pointless. Scar would always do what Matteo told him to, no matter how I might care for the broody man. He'd quickly joined the ranks of people I love, and it hurt to know that when it was all said and done, I'd always be second to Matteo.
It shouldn't have hurt. He'd been Matteo's first.
But everything hurt.
He opened the door, leveling the man behind it with a glare I didn't expect and standing directly in the way so he couldn't enter. "Are you here to fuck it up again?" I startled, removing the bacon to a paper towel lined plate and turning off the stove in disbelief. I'd never heard Scar talk to Matteo with anything but respect.
"If you're stupid enough to stand between me and my woman, then maybe I need to think about cutting you loose. I don't employ stupid people," Matteo warned, and then his footsteps came into the house and the sound of the door closing followed. I didn't turn around, didn't want to look at him.
I wasn't ready. Not for this.
I still didn't know what I was doing.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, and I heard him tap his fingers on the island behind me.
He was too close, only a couple steps away, and even just the vague sense of him being there was enough to weaken my resolve.
I missed him.
So fucking much I wanted to strangle myself. There had to be something wrong with me. "She throws up about a hundred times a day," Scar answered helpfully, and I winced.
I guessed I wasn't as stealthy as I thought I was.
"Shut up and eat your breakfast," I teased, putting a plate in front of his usual seat at the island. He took it, digging into his eggs with vigor.
"Is that true?" Matteo asked, and I finally had no choice but to face him. The dark circles under his eyes came as a surprise, I'd never seen Matteo look anything other than perfect. It shouldn't have surprised me though, they were flawless copies of mine. The return to not sleeping well had not been kind to me.
"They should rename morning sickness something like all day misery," I answered with a little smile. It never stopped, even as early in the pregnancy as I was. I really hoped that wasn't an indicator of a rough pregnancy.
"Have you been to the doctor? Did they say there was anything they can do?" he asked, and his eyes darted down to my stomach where the island hid it.
"My appointment isn't until next week, but it's normal, Teo," I whispered. "Some women don't have morning sickness at all, and others just get hit hard."
"Come home, Angel." He rounded the island until nothing separate us but a few inches of space. "Let me take care of you. Let Don do the cooking. It can't be helping."
I eyed Scar warily, noticing the tension in his body. I knew it would be easier for him if I returned to the estate, knew he wouldn't be so stressed about making sure I was safe.
I wanted to go home, but how could I just forgive something that was so unforgivable
?
The way he'd broken my trust, it wasn't something I would have tolerated from anyone else. I didn't have the answer to the question that I had to ask myself. Did I love him enough to forgive it?
The thought of a life without him was terrifying, going back to being that void of all the feelings only he gave me. "I am home," I said instead, and watched from the corner of my eye as Scar's entire body locked solid.
"Your home is with me," Matteo scolded, stepping into my space until he wrapped his arms around me.
"I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to forgive you."
"So come home and let me prove to you I'll take care of both of you! Christ, Ivory. I just want to give you the world." He whispered the words, and Scar took that as his sign to abandon his plate in favor of doing a perimeter check.