5
Isa
My lungs filled with a sudden shock of air as I sat up in bed. Touching my hand to my chest, I sank into the relief of the feeling of clothing against my palm. I sat there, breathing deeply and trying to calm my racing heart.
The last time I'd woken up in a bed I didn't remember falling asleep in, I'd feared for my life. I'd been violated and deceived, with no ability to begin to comprehend everything that would come my way soon enough. My hand slid down to touch my stomach instinctively, relieved there was still no pain to signal something might be wrong with the baby.
As my breathing finally calmed, I glanced around the room to take in my surroundings. The opulent bedroom had light gray walls with colorful painted canvases lining them. They spoke to a cool, modern luxury that felt far more impersonal than the home Rafe and I shared in Ibiza, with the warm neutrals and natural light flooding through skylights and windows.
Finally turning to the space where I felt Rafael’s presence like a sear on my soul, I met his tired eyes. The dark circles beneath them made me believe he still had yet to go to sleep, instead taking to watching over me in my drug-induced unconsciousness. “You drugged me,” I said, the faintest feeling ofdeja vuovercoming me as soon as the words left my mouth.
“A sleeping pill in your water,” he confirmed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He made no move to close the distance between us, instead watching me carefully from his seat next to the bed. His suit was rumpled, his hair disheveled as if he’d run his hands through it while I slept.
“And you don’t see anything wrong with that?” I asked, my voice dropping low as I fought back the urge to strangle him. The drugging, the maneuvering and manipulating me until I did exactly what he wanted: I was sotiredof all of it.
“The drugs are safe in moderation at this stage in your pregnancy, and far less dangerous than the ways you might have put yourself at risk should I have chosen not to give you a few hours of peaceful sleep. I won’t apologize for doing whatever I have to do to keep you safe, even when you hate me for it,” he said, and something in the tone of his voice on those last words felt more genuine than I could have expected given the circumstances. I’d forgiven him for drugging me before; I could hardly say that I wouldn’t do it again.
I tried to remember what he’d said to me before I fell asleep, but the memory of everything was nothing but a hazy series of impressions. “Joaquin and Gabriel are safe, right?” I asked, the memory of Hugo’s face in front of mine coming more clearly than the others.
“Yes, they’re all fine,” he said, his voice flat and even. Despite his exhaustion or maybe because of it, there was no inflection to his tone. No relief or satisfaction that we’d managed to walk away from what was clearly meant to be the final battle of our lives.
“Then what’s going on?” I asked, pushing the covers back off my legs and moving to the edge. He moved then, touching a hand to my shoulder and forcing me to lie back in the middle of the bed.
“The doctor needs to do a more thorough exam now that you’re awake,” he said, slipping his cell phone out of his pants pockets. He typed off a text quickly, undoubtedly summoning the mysterious doctor. He sat on the edge of the bed, touching a gentle hand to my stomach that I covered with my own.
The worry he felt for the baby was tangible in those moments, when he lowered his forehead to rest against mine sweetly. His eyes clenched closed, his face twisting with a grimace. “When was the last time you slept?” I asked, reaching up a hand to cup his cheek.
He opened his eyes, staring down at me intently as he ran his nose up the side of mine. “I’ll be okay,mi reina.” Those captivating mismatched eyes held mine, warmth chasing away the exhaustion in them. There was a pause of silence as he stared back at me. “Amo cuando te preocupas por mi,”he murmured, heat filling his eyes. Even not knowing what he said, Rafael communicated the meaning nonetheless. “Tell me you love me.”
A knock sounded at the bedroom door, but Rafe refused to take his face away from mine to go and answer it. He didn’t call out, waiting and staring at me with rapt attention while he waited for me to give him the answer he so desperately needed at that moment. “Ketapanen,” I murmured, watching as his eyes widened. “I love you,” I echoed, confirming the meaning of the word he’d probably never heard.
I so rarely spoke in the language of my grandmother’s people, the use of it outside my family and the Menominee Center being all but futile, but in a way it almost felt like giving Rafe that one last piece of myself. Like bridging the final gap between the Isa who had existed in the life that came before, and thequeen he’d crafted from her ashes.
“Do you know what I think?” he asked, the breath of his words caressing my cheek softly.
“What?” I whispered, my eyes tracking to the still closed door where the person on the other side knocked once more.
“I think we were always meant to be right here. That you’ve been a part of me for longer than either of us could have known, and there was never any possibility where you belonged to anyone but me,” he said, putting his mouth on mine slowly.
The first brush of his lips against mine came in a smooth caress, the faint taste of him rolling over my senses as he teased me. I moaned in response, welcoming his hands as they touched my sides and he leaned more of his weight into me. He kissed me roughly, consuming me with his unyielding embrace as he steadied my body.
His right hand came up to tangle in my hair, angling me the way he wanted so that he could swallow me whole as if it might be the last time he’d be able to kiss me that way. Feeling the uncompromising gloom hovering on the horizon, I sank into his touch and welcomed the darkness of his soul into mine.
He was a part of me. A piece that I would never be free from, and that I suspected I would never want to purge from my soul. He made me feel like I wasn’t so alone—like the people around me who somehow feltdifferentdidn’t matter, because the echo of my heart beat within his chest.
I was breathless by the time he pulled back, his voice deep and guttural as he called out to the person in the hallway. I flushed from head to toe, knowing that my lips must have been red and swollen in the aftermath of Rafael’s kiss.
“It’s good to see you awake, Mrs. Ibarra,” the doctor said, placing his bag on the foot of the bed as he stared at me. “My name is Dr. Hall. How are you feeling?” Rafe stayed close, clutching my hand within his and watching me intently.
“Groggy. A little sore, but fine otherwise,” I said, pinching my bottom lip between my teeth.
Hot. Aching. Needy.Hardly seemed like the appropriate response.
“I’ll need a urine sample,” he said, pulling a clear cup from his bag and holding it out for me. Rafe stretched out a hand, taking it from him without hesitation.
I nodded through my embarrassment as the request doused the flames Rafe had put in me with his lips on mine, snatching it out of Rafe’s grip as I moved to swing my legs out of the bed. “Do you need help?” Rafe asked.
“I think I can manage to pee in a cup on my own, thanks,” I snarked.