14
Isa
The sun had set by the time Rafael pulled his car up in front of the house. After a nearly ten-hour flight and then a boat ride from the mainland, exhaustion should have crept into my body, but I’d taken a nap in the bedroom cabin while Rafe made arrangements for everything he’d missed while we’d been gone.
He opened my door for me, and I swung my legs out and stood. Looking at the face of the house that had somehow shifted from my prison to my home, I wondered briefly if my mother had ever been toEl Infiernoin her time with Andrés. “Have you spoken to your uncle yet?” I asked, wondering if the man knew I was the child of a woman he’d once been intimate with or that she was gone.
Would he care?
“Not yet. I’ll call him soon,” Rafe said, seeming oddly hesitant for the conversation he had to know needed to happen.
We went into the house, the smell of food reaching my senses the second we were inside the front door. Regina poked her head around the corner from the kitchen, her gaze landing on Rafe first as a smile transformed her expression. When her eyes came to mine, the smile faded off in favor of pity that I wanted nothing to do with. “I’m going to find Alejandro. Don’t wait up if you’re tired,mi reina,” Rafe said, leaning down to kiss me softly before he sauntered off for his office.
I tried not to care that he’d abandoned me so quickly upon returning home, fully understanding that I couldn’t attach myself to his hip indefinitely just because I didn’t feel strong enough to be alone quite yet. I’d distracted him from his business since the moment I set foot in Ibiza and the timeline was undoubtedly much longer than he’d anticipated when he decided he’d make me fall in love with him in ten days.
It just went to show how little Rafael Ibarra knew about love. I’d absolutely fallen for him, but choosing to walk away from my family would never have happened with such a timeline. Apparently it took a kidnapping to change my mind.
My hand raised to touch the brand on my arm instinctively with the thought of how far we’d come, but I pulled it away as Regina hurried over to me. “Mi hija,”she said, closing the distance between us and wrapping a tender arm around my shoulder. I tried to push back the surge of emotion it brought out, determined to bedonecrying. The day when people no longer offered me condolences would make pushing forward easier. Most did it with the best intentions, never realizing how that brought my grief to the forefront every single time.
Regina guided me to the stool at the island where I’d spent so much of my time, even with how briefly I’d been onEl Infierno. Juice and pickles already sat in front of me, and I suppressed the urge to cry once again at the thought of someone who reminded me of a mother figure taking care of me.
Guilt plagued me through my life now, reminding me that I’d never again have the opportunity to fight with my own mother.
“Rafael requested I make sure we were stocked with your favorites. His mother always took a bite of pickle before eating and then she would put the entire pickle right back into the jar,” she said, laughing as her eyes turned wistful. “It means you will have a boy.”
“Wonderful,” I scoffed. “A little devil to torture me.” The warmth of her smile told me she understood that I didn’t say it as a woman who didn’t want her child, but as one who knew how difficult it would be but wanted it anyway.
“Yes, well, you have me to help when he torments you,” she said, smiling as the front door opened and the Cortes brothers stepped into the house. “Joaquin said you know about the fertility shot.”
“I do,” I said, popping a slice of pickle into my mouth. The vinegar flavor made my tongue tingle in the way I’d grown to appreciate, and as soon as I swallowed it, my stomach settled. Sometimes I wondered if it would be best to just start drinking pickle juice.
“You forgave him?” she asked, leaning forward until her elbows rested on the island counter.
I nodded, trying to find the words to communicate what I felt about that deception. “The shot was a secret, but I always knew his intention. He didn’t hide what really mattered in the end. I guess he just sped up the process.” I laughed. It hadn’t mattered in the moment when I learned the truth, not when I was overwhelmed by the crushing reality of a life I wasn’t ready for. “I can’t exactly be all that upset when I didn’t do much to prevent the pregnancy. I stopped protesting altogether at some point.” The words felt more and more true as I spoke them, reaffirming the belief that while what Rafe had done was horrifically wrong and a violation, all that mattered in the end was that we’d both participated in making our child.
“I am glad. You’ll need him in the coming months, moving forward with the pregnancy,” she said. “Especially without your mother to give you comfort.”
“I don’t know that she would have been particularly involved in our lives regardless, but—”
“But it is another thing entirely to bring life into this world knowing the baby will never know its grandparents,” Regina said, finishing the thought for me as tears stung my eyes. She moved to the fridge, taking out a dessert dish and handing me a spoon. It looked similar to a cheesecake, and she didn’t bother to cut off a slice as she dug her spoon into the edge on her side and took a bite. “The solution for morning sickness is pickles. The solution for heartache isflaó.”
I chuckled softly, sniffling back the tears that threatened and digging my own spoon into the cake. The crust was thin and flaky, and the cheese within was creamy with finely chopped mint to offset the richness.
“It will be alright,mi hija. You know that, yes?” she asked, holding my eyes as I nodded.
“I know. It has to be,” I said, spooning another bite as my hand dropped to my stomach. There had yet to be any pain or bleeding, and with every day that passed I grew more and more confident that I wouldknowif something was wrong.
I would feel it, because the baby was a part of me now.
“What happened to your mother is terrible. You will miss her for the rest of your life, but you are strong, and you’ll find your way,” she said, pulling another bite offlaóinto her mouth.
“I’m not strong,” I whispered, thinking of all that I’d allowed to happen to me. All that I’d forgiven, because I was too weak to live without Rafael.
“Mi hija,” she said, her voice soft but scolding. “You are the strongest person I know, and you are the only one who has yet to realize that.”
I stalled, staring at her in shock as I let her words dance over my skin. I so wanted them to be true, to be strong enough to be everything I would need to be to survive at Rafe’s side. “Will you teach me to speak Spanish?” I asked.
If the odd segue into a new conversation threw her, she didn’t show it. She grinned instead, nodding her head supportively. “Of course. That is your strength. Your determination to carry on, to adapt to what life has thrown at you. I will teach you whatever you wish to know,” she confirmed, pausing as she set her spoon on the counter. She reached across, taking my hand in hers and leaning to study me intently. “There are two responses to a loss like yours. To wallow in it and be lost to the sadness like I have done, or to rise up and do what you must to get revenge and make those who hurt you suffer. I think I know which type of woman you are.” She released me, putting her spoon in the dishwasher as she went for the doors to the pool area so she could make her way to her own home. She paused, looking back at me with her parting words. “Do you?”