But the independent woman in me revolted against the idea, even if I knew it was probably a silly thing to worry about. I'd have felt compelled to order the least expensive thing on the menu out of obligation.
If I could even read it.
The server hurried off, leaving us in the small crowd of people dining outdoors. I rubbed a hand over my shoulder, wincing when the skin felt tight beneath my touch. It didn't look pink, not with the tone of my skin, but there was no questioning the symptoms of a sunburn.
"Does it hurt?" Rafe asked, studying the motion.
"Not too bad," I said. "Just a minor burn. Chicago isn't exactly known for its sunshine," I said shyly, realizing it was the first time I'd told him where I was from. I wasn't sure the decision had been a smart one, but there was comfort because it was a big city.
Isa was a common enough name.
He didn't comment, choosing instead to raise his water to his lips and take a sip. The server returned with a bottle of wine, pouring it carefully into two glasses for us. I smiled up at him, even if I wasn't sure I should drink. I didn't seem to be able to keep my head on my shoulders with Rafe when I was sober. If I got drunk, I'd probably let him fuck me on the table.
For the first time since I'd met him, there was tension in our silence. Things left unsaid after he'd pushed me outside my comfort zone and taken control of me in ways I wasn't sure I should like.
I couldn't say I hadn't enjoyed it, but it shouldn't have happened. It was reckless, dangerous. Not to mention that someone could have seen us. What would my mother have done if she'd somehow seen me?
I shuddered.
"I need you to know something, Isa," he said, reaching across the table and taking my hand in his. "I won't ever let anything harm you."
"Accidents happen," I sighed. "I'd just rather not take unnecessary risks like that again. Please."
He squeezed my hand. "Living is not anunnecessaryrisk, Princesa. When you're with me, you're perfectly safe and you never need to worry about a thing."
"You aren't God, Rafael," I laughed, the smooth sound of his full name rolling off my tongue even though I'd never used it before. "You can't make promises like that, when you have no way of guaranteeing you can keep them. I'd much rather you promise me nothing rather than have you lie to me."
He chuckled, the sound fading into the darkness as the hairs on my arms raised in apprehension. "I am most definitely not God," he said. "But I will never make you a promise I don't intend to keep. Anything that wants to hurt you would have to go through me first, and trust me when I say that is extremely unlikely to happen."
"Okaay," I said, drawing out the last sound as the server brought us a platter with some type of Crostini. "That doesn't protect me from falling off a cliff, and there's just no need to push those limits."
He studied me, holding up a piece of the bread for me to take the first bite. His propensity for feeding me seemed odd, but I couldn't deny that it felt like an intimacy most men didn't afford to their casual flings. It helped me feel like I mattered to him in ways I hadn't expected.
Similar to the ways he mattered to me, even though he shouldn't.
The burst of acidic flavor hit my tongue as soon as I chewed. "Fear is how we know we're alive. I want to bring you to life, Princesa," he said, watching me carefully as I swallowed. His gaze on me felt knowing as I considered my response, eventually settling on the only thing I could give him if I expected the same in return.
Honesty.
"Then what do I do if I'm afraid of you?"
He stilled suddenly, setting the bread on the tray and wiping his hand on the napkin carefully. Something was so measured about the movements, like he worked to control his reaction and keep me from seeing something in it. "Why would you be afraid of me, Princesa? When have I given you reason to think I would harm you?"
"I didn't mean afraid of you physically," I admitted, furrowing my brow as the tight lines of his body relaxed suddenly. "I just meant—" I paused, not having expected having to explain my feelings. I had wanted nothing along those lines, and I should have kept my damn mouth shut. "We both know what this is. After my vacation, I'll go home and never see you again. You seem determined to make that as difficult for me as possible," I said with a quiet laugh. My relief that I'd found a way around my feelings was short-lived as his jaw clenched and his nostrils flared. Anger touched every line on his face, morphing him from trouble to terrifying before he smoothed out the lines and smiled.
"Is it so bad to want you to think about me after your vacation is over?" he said smoothly, picking up his bread and taking a bite carefully. His face was flawless, beautiful once again, and I had to wonder if I'd imagined a phantom where there was none.
It wouldn't have been the first time.
"No, of course not. I'd just like to go back to my life without being unable to function without you."
"Well, then I think we simply want very different things from this relationship, Princesa. I very much want you to need me, as much as I've quickly come to need you."
His face remained casual despite the odd words, and when the server brought more food, he delved into the plates to feed me bits from each of them and explained what it was he'd gotten for me to try. Even though they were delicious, exhaustion settled over me.
It had been a long couple of days, and Rafe's odd words rang in my head.
I couldn't decide why they felt like a promise.