He was owning himself.
Even though he had keys, Marcus buzzed his father’s bell and climbed the stairs once he was let inside. His father stood at the door with a shaggy eyebrow quirked, raising it higher when Marcus walked straight past him into the apartment.
“Did Joey tell you?”
He shook his head, visibly confused. “Tell me about what?
“That’s definitely a no.” Marcus’s mouth dried up. “Dad, I have to tell you something important and I don’t want you to say anything. Just listen and think about it and come find me later. Can you do that? You might say the wrong thing and I don’t want that between us.”
Marcus’s father went to the dining room table and lowered himself into a chair.
God, what he wouldn’t have given to have Jamie standing there with him. He would just give him that constant eye contact that said I see you.
“I’m in love, Dad. With a man named Jamie.” The buckles that had been strapped across his chest for years loosened, one by one. “Being with girls never felt right to me. Never, not once. But I didn’t know—I had no idea that I was gay until I met Jamie. And then a lot of things started to make sense. I’ve only ever wanted him like this. With my whole self. No one else. My heart doesn’t care if he’s a man or a woman, he’s just Jamie.” Marcus stopped to gather himself. “It might be too late for him and me…but it’s never too late to be honest. This is who I am. I’m your same son. I just love someone you weren’t expecting.
“I should have told you and Joey sooner, but I don’t think anyone realizes how much pressure dudes put on each other. It’s like never-ending. Getting laid, scoring phone numbers, does she have a friend. It never fucking stops. And you know something? I don’t think women are desperate enough to sleep with a lot of us pricks in the first place. Most of the bragging is just bullshit and posturing and…I finally realize that now. I’ve been scared of nothing. Being accepted? Maybe I don’t accept them. I just want Jamie. I don’t care who knows it anymore.” He swallowed the knot in his throat. “I hope you can still love me, Dad. And if you can’t? Tough shit.”
Marcus and his father stared at each other across the dining room for long minutes, nothing but the sound of the foot traffic passing outside. The extended silence made Marcus’s throat feel thick and parched, but he refused to be disappointed. Not in his father or himself. He would not treat the best thing that ever happened to him like a tragedy.
Assuming his father needed time to think their conversation over, Marcus turned on a heel and strode toward the door, pulling it open—
“Son, wait.”
*
Jamie stared out the window of the Main Squeeze in disbelief.
Late last night, he and Joey had hung a Grand Opening sign outside, thinking it would attract some interest. It had—to put it mildly. There were at least fifty people in line. Look what you built, he said silently to Marcus, pride straightening his back. You did this.
“We ready to go, pal?” Joey said, coming up beside him, rubbing his hands together. “Finally got these recipes down, let’s make some fuckin’ juice, huh?”
“That wasn’t the deal.” Jamie backed away from the window. “I told you I’d get the place set up, then you’re on your own.”
“Marcus is on the way. Just help me out for the first few minutes,” Joey cajoled, once again harpooning Jamie in the heart by reminding him of Marcus. “You don’t want to be late opening on day one and sink this place with bad Yelp reviews, do you? Come on.” He threw some shadow punches in the vicinity of Jamie’s ribs. “Where’s your sense of team spirit?”
“You’ve been napping on a crate for the last two hours.”
“Ahhh. I was just resting my eyes.”
Jamie snorted. Outwardly, he was keeping it together. He hoped. On the inside, he was in a panic thinking of Marcus walking through the door. How was he going to walk away again? He didn’t know, but he had to find a way. For now, though, he was stuck. He hadn’t worked around the clock for two days to send the whole operation down the tubes in the eleventh hour. “All right, open the doors. You take the register, I’ll juice. I’m giving you twenty minutes.”
Joey whooped and stepped around Jamie, keys in hand. Jamie went to stand behind the counter, putting on his gloves and firing up the juicers. For the next little while, everything was a blur. One second, the shop was quiet, save the buzzing of the halogen lights. The next, it was brimming with CrossFit bros—and he’d been right about hanging the wall mirror. They were clustered around it like moths to a flame. There was a lot of ball busting, shoving and insults, too. If these were the guys Marcus was around at the gym every day, he probably felt a lot more than just pressure from his family to stay in the closet, didn’t he?